Atonement(71)
Colin and I walked the platform before we boarded the actual plane and went directly to the first-class section and took our seats.
“Are you going to miss it?” he inquired after we dealt with a smooth take off.
We continued to climb and my head did a slow whirl from the hang over I had to endure while my stomach grumbled and not in a good way. “Of course but it’s not like we can’t come back any time we like. It’s just a short plane ride away and it’ll be nice to get back to real life.”
He laughed out loud. “And what were these last few weeks we have spent together? Fake life? It felt pretty f*cking real to me.”
“I don’t mean it like that,” I responded before I realized I was going to be sick.
I bolted from my chair as an attendant rushed toward me! “You cannot get out of your seat yet. The Captain hasn’t turned off the seatbelt sign.”
I pushed past her and locked myself in the bathroom before I lifted the lid and my breakfast and most of the alcohol I’d consumed the night before by the smell alone ended in the toilet. The smell itself made me sicker than I already was and I vomited until I dry-heaved.
After I wiped my mouth with toilet tissue, I threw it in the toilet and flushed before I stood and rinsed my mouth before I splashed cold water over my face. As I dried my face with several paper towels, I looked at my reflection in the mirror. How stupid was I?
The whole time we were on vacation, I never once got my period. I was on the pill and had been taking placebos the last couple of days yet nothing, not even spotting. What the hell was wrong with this particular scenario and situation?
My heart thundered in my chest so loudly, I barely registered the attendant banging on the door. I breathed deeply before I answered the door and faced a scarlet-faced blonde.
“Je suis désolée. Je suis enceinte.”
Somehow announcing my pending condition in French made it seem better; less real though the attendant relaxed visibly and sighed out loud before she responded, “Pas problème. I will bring you some juice as soon as the Captain clears the seatbelt sign.”
“Merci,” I whispered before I took my seat next to Colin and snuggled within his warm embrace.
“Sweetheart, are you okay?” he inquired in a concerned tone. “Did we drink too much last night?”
“Yes and no but that’s not the issue. Looks like everything in our relationship will always be unconventional. I am on the pill yet somehow I managed to get pregnant in the last few weeks. How the f*ck does that happen? I’m not even a full month so you can relax because it means nothing. I could miscarry…my mom suffered two after Caitlyn. After the second one she had a tubal-ligation.”
Colin paled noticeably. “Are you considering an abortion?”
“No.” I shook my head. “I’m just telling you not to get too excited about this because I am on birth control and it makes it easier for a miscarriage to occur. Drew and I had a scare way back in college about seven years ago. We were going to get rid of the baby and the morning he was supposed to drive me to the clinic, I miscarried.”
He covered his face with both hands. “Please tell me you wouldn’t dare do that to me. You couldn’t abort our baby, could you?”
“Colin, I have never had an abortion. I told you I miscarried the day we were going to do something about it. I’ve always been grateful the baby made the decision and not us because…it would have been a scandal. His dad is a Senator and Mom and Dad would have been so disappointed in me. They would have made me move closer to home or taken the baby and cared for him or her themselves before they would have ever wanted us to do something so drastic,” I explained as the seatbelt sign clicked off.
Moments later, the flight attendant walked over and brought me a glass of orange juice. I thanked her and drank it down quickly.
Colin laughed out loud. “I’m sure you’re wishing I had told you my colossal secret when I had the chance.”
I set the glass down and closed my eyes. “No, I’m glad I stopped you because I don’t want to hear it. Don’t you think some secrets are worth keeping? I think what ever you wanted to tell me would just tear us apart so leave it alone, Colin. I don’t need the drama in my life. Baby, it’s best this way.”
“Maybe for you but what about me? What if I need to get some shit off my chest and I want you to understand what happened? I think we could both heal from the mess and perhaps the experience with be the catharsis that brings us closer together.”