Atonement(75)

She walked closer until she stood over me and I had to look up to her to maintain eye contact. “That would break me, Deirdre. Then I would think it’s all just some act and all he ever cared about was getting into my pants and he didn’t give a shit about my heart or my mind. I was just this pretty, drop-dead gorgeous blonde he could f*ck over and that would be the end of it. The problem is I don’t want that to be our story. I can see myself building a life with this guy and I can’t just be some piece of ass he used, you know?”

I stood up and faced my sister with a weary look. “Even if he made me feel like I was the only woman in the world that night, it was only that one night. I don’t know what went down between us because it was completely unexpected though I won’t lie and say I wasn’t attracted to him because I was but it was an animal attraction and one that wouldn’t last.

“It was the feeling you get when you see a hot guy in Starbucks or O’Shaughnessy’s and you say to yourself, ‘God, what I wouldn’t give to have just one night with him’. It wasn’t real and more than that, it wasn’t meant to last. It’s a fleeting attraction. Unlike most people who let it go and move on with their lives, we took advantage so don’t feel like what you have with Liam is a fraud because it isn’t. I love Colin with all my heart and I would die first before I attempted to sleep with his brother again. Mostly because he is in a relationship with my sister and if I could do something like that to the man I love and the woman I watched grow from a child to an adolescent to a full-fledged adult then what does that say about me?”

Caitlyn’s eyes shined with unshed tears as she embraced me and clung for dear life. “Thanks. You’ll never know how much what you just said means to me. I didn’t want to think in the back of my mind that perhaps Liam might prefer you over me.”

We separated reluctantly and I shook my head. “A hot blonde like you with a great attitude, French charm and fashion sense yet he’s going to prefer me to you? Now I know you’ve lost it.”

“I’m not as irresistible as you seem to think. I don’t think one person can honestly say they have gone through life without being dumped and believe me when I say it has happened to me too.”

I laughed out loud as both Colin and Liam walked back into the sitting room and closed the doors to the in-door patio behind them. My lover walked directly to me and he slid an arm around my waist.

“Is everything all right?” I inquired softly.

“No. I’m tired and we have decided we’ll pick this up another night. You’re not disappointed, are you?” he wondered out loud.

I shook my head. “No, of course not and I think that is best. I’m very tired and jet-lagged.”

“How about we do this on the weekend once you two have gotten a chance to settle into the time change and what not,” Liam suggested though his eyes were glued on Caitlyn and not in a sweet look but with one filled with complete lust and passion.

“Yeah, that works,” I called out as Colin and I walked toward the front door.

We’d barely closed the door when he sighed out loud. “I swear to God, if that mothef*cker had kept up his recollection of that night, I was going to f*cking break his nose.”

“According to Caitlyn, he claimed you were driving,” I responded.

“That *. Then again, Liam has never been good at taking responsibility for his own mistakes. It’s always someone else’s fault. I’ll let it be for tonight but eventually everything will have to come out whether he wants to face the truth or not.”

I stared into Colin’s crystal blue eyes and they were serious and without a hint of humor. I buried myself in his embrace because if we weren’t facing one another, I wouldn’t be forced to accept the finality in his eyes or his voice.





Chapter Twenty





IT WAS ANOTHER two weeks before Colin helped me work up the courage to see my gynecologist. She confirmed the pregnancy and I was grateful because not only was she a general gynecologist but she also worked as an OB-GYN which meant I didn’t have to be referred out to another physician.

By the this time, we’d gotten into a comfortable regime of him working late nights with Drew trying to get the pub ready for its opening night which was closer than I was comfortable with but in the end, it was their decision.

We’d spent almost the whole month of June in Europe and both Drew and Colin were convinced Bardot would be open by the beginning of August. That left a month to hire a chef and enough bartenders. They’d decided four bartenders would be enough for the time being: two women and two men who both had very professional if sexy outfits. The men were to wear black stovepipe jeans and tight white tee shirts while the women were to wear short black jean skirts and tight white tee shirts. All the tee shirts had Bardot written in scarlet cursive and a famous Warhol-style photo of the actress with the same name in a sexy pose.