An Unlocked Mind (Secrets #2)(46)

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly.

Vic didn’t even turn when he asked, “And what are you sorry for this time?”

This time. That was a great way to put it. How many times had Rob said he was sorry to Vic? How many more times will I apologize before I admit that it’s not Vic I’m angry with?

No more. It ended there, right then.

“Being a dick. You didn’t deserve it, and I’m going to try to keep a better hold of my temper.”

“We’re going to work on that,” Vic promised. “Meditation will help, at least as long as you’re willing.” He flashed Rob a glance before returning to his stirring. “But you’ve got to be the one to decide if you want to find the person you like again.”

The person I like? Who the fuck is that? The person he used to be was arrogant, rude, and a total arse to his brother. Rob didn’t like him at all.

“What if I don’t?”

Vic put the spoon down, turned, and leaned against the cabinet. “Don’t what?”

“I’ve actually given this a lot of thought. What if… what if I never liked the person I was? I mean, I thought I did at one time, but…. No, I never did.”

“Then we’ll help you become someone you can be proud of.”

That stopped him dead.

I want that. More than anything, I wanna be someone who I can look at and not feel disgust for the things I’ve done.

Rob pointed to the stove. “Can I help?”

Vic went back to his sauce, stirring it gently. “Sure. Pull some plates down from the cabinet. This will be done in a few minutes. Do you want some wine with dinner?”

It was a nice idea, but Rob had a feeling he was going to need a clear head. “No, that’s okay. I’ll pour you some if you want.”

Vic considered the proposition for a moment before smiling. “How about if we have juice? There’s a carton in the fridge.”

Rob opened a few doors before he found the cabinet he wanted. He took out two plates and a couple of glasses, then put the things on the table. Then he opened the fridge, grabbed the juice, and filled the glasses.

“Just so we’re clear on one thing? I’m not upset, nor are my feelings hurt. There isn’t anything to be sorry for,” Vic assured him. “You’re under a lot of strain right now, and I’m here if you need to talk. It will get better.”

He said it with a certainty that Rob didn’t share. Rob hadn’t been sure of anything for years.

Vic drained the pasta, put some on each of the plates, and covered it with a deep red sauce filled with chunks of vegetables. He’d also warmed some rolls in the oven, and put those out as well.

As Rob ate, his mind worked overtime. He glanced across at Vic, and his chest tightened. How can he be so calm and centered? It was something Rob strove for. But maybe, if he truly wanted to allow Vic to help, he needed to share.

I’ve been holding this inside me for so many years. It’s about time I shared it with someone.

Then it hit him. He finally had someone to share it with.

Let’s hope I can still say that when I’m done. Except he had no clue how to begin.

“My brother hates me,” he blurted out. Yeah, subtle, Rob.

Vic dipped his bread in the sauce and bit into it. A moment later, his gaze met Rob’s, his expression calm. “And why is that?”

Rob took a deep breath. He’d started, and he was damn well going to finish. “Alex lives with his husband, Leo, who is also his Dom.”

Vic raised his eyebrows. “I see.” He took another bite of bread, his gaze still focused on Rob.

“It was about five years ago, I suppose. I was heading home from Jamie’s one night, and—”

“Was this before or after your epiphany about Jamie?”

“Before,” Rob replied with a shiver. “Anyway, I saw the two of them in Leo’s car, kissing. It wasn’t really a surprise. I’d long suspected he might be gay, but with that confirmation, I decided to use that knowledge to see what I could get out of it. I tried to blackmail him for, believe it or not, a new computer.” He paused, surprised to find his hands were trembling. He tightened his grip on his fork and waited for Vic to say something. When the anticipated condemnation didn’t materialize, he let out his breath in a long exhale.

“Were you successful?” Vic continued eating, his attention still on Rob, still calm.

Rob stared at his plate. “He decided that one way to make sure I had no ammunition was to break up with Leo. Only one thing—Leo wasn’t going to allow that without Alex telling him why. It wasn’t long after that I saw bruises on Alex. I told him it didn’t matter if he was into that kinky stuff, and that I wouldn’t tell our parents.”

“I sense a ‘but’ coming.”

And it was a damn big but, one he wasn’t proud of. “I went back to my room and thought about it. What if Alex wasn’t really thinking straight? Maybe Leo was doing it without Alex’s permission. Could my brother be the victim of a domestic assault? The more I thought about it, the more scared I got. Yeah, I didn’t show it, but I did care about my brother. I didn’t want him hurt. So I did something that I regret to this day.”

The memory was burned into his mind. He should have known things were going to go to shit when it happened, but he’d had to do it. This was Alex.