An Unlocked Mind (Secrets #2)(47)

“Go on,” Vic urged.

“I went to our mum. I knew it was a mistake. She’s… difficult, and that’s putting it mildly. In hindsight, there were probably better choices to make, but I thought I was doing the right thing.”

“How did she react?”

Rob shook his head. “She blew a gasket. Didn’t even listen when I tried to explain to her why I was worried. I told her that Alex said it was consensual, and that I only came to her to see if she could talk to him. Make sure he was safe. She went off the deep end and called the police.” His chest tightened. “I overheard a conversation between her and Dad. Apparently she not only told them Alex was covered in bruises, but also that I’d said Alex had told me he’d been beaten up.”

“But that’s not what you said to her, was it?”

Rob stared at him. “God, no. Look, I promised Alex that I wouldn’t mention BDSM to her, but hey, guess what? I lied. I told her what was going on, so she fucking knew Leo wasn’t beating up on him. She just gave a different version to the police.”

“What happened?”

“They questioned Leo, but Alex told them he wasn’t being abused. Not long after that, Alex moved out. I didn’t see him much after that.” Rob’s gut felt like it was in a twist. Not that I can blame him.

“Can I ask something? When did the business with Jamie occur? I’m trying to get my head around the timeline.”

Rob took a long drink of juice before answering, to ease the tightness in his throat. “Between seeing him with Leo, and seeing the marks on him. Then when this whole thing with Jamie went down, I… I tried to talk to him. I needed to talk to someone. I wasn’t that surprised when he told me to fuck off. I mean, I had tried to blackmail him, right? But in my messed-up mind, he was being an arse. So I shifted a lot of the blame to Alex. I got angry with him, even though, deep down, I knew he had nothing to do with it. Still, it gave me an easy target and I had some really awful thoughts about him.”

“Thoughts that you’re regretting now, I’m guessing.” For the first time since they’d begun this conversation, Vic’s voice held a trace of sympathy, as if he could see the pain inside Rob.

He nodded slowly. “God, yes. But the way I’d felt that night with Jamie got me wondering. Was I more like Alex than I realized? I’d come to London for the weekend, just to get away. I came across a club called Whispers. What I saw there… excited me. Not the people, but the acts. That was when I ran, because I knew I was like him. I tried to stay away, but then I got invited to Secrets….”

“What happened?”

Rob lowered his voice to almost a whisper. “Alex was there with Leo. I didn’t realize it until they got up on stage…. They did something together, and I was horrified at seeing my brother being spanked in front of a bunch of people. I kept trying to tell myself he was sick and what they were doing was wrong, but….” He reached for his glass again, his hand shaking.

“Finish the story, Rob. Tell me everything.”

“He looked… happy. No, fuck that. His expression was one of pure bliss. When he dropped to his knees and began to suck Leo, God, he put his heart and soul into it. He seemed so free, and I was insanely jealous. That’s what I went to Secrets for. To find someone who could do that for me.”

“What, give you a blow job on a stage?” Vic joked.

The lighter moment was exactly what Rob needed. He chuckled. “You know what I mean.”

Vic smiled. “Yeah, just kidding.” He cocked his head to one side. “Have you thought BDSM might not be what you’re looking for?”

Rob sighed. “I tried to tell myself that. But when I saw some of the things going on there? God, I got so fucking hard, it hurt. Not all of the things—”

“Scenes, Rob. They’re called scenes.”

Rob huffed. “Okay, not all of the scenes did it for me, but yeah, some of them made me want to know how it would feel to be doing… that.”

Vic smirked. “You are such a contrast, do you know that? But forgive me for interrupting. Please, continue.”

“The thing was, I couldn’t picture myself with the people doing them. None of them really did anything for me. Then I bumped into you and….” His heartbeat raced and his breathing quickened. Now what? Do I tell him the truth? It took him all of two seconds to realize what had to happen. Fuck it. I’ve gone this far.

“And?”

“When I saw you, my mouth went dry. I’d never seen someone so…. Fuck, I don’t even know what it was. Every other guy there appeared confident, but you? You blotted out everything that night. I was in awe of you.”

Vic blinked, apparently jolted out of his usual calm state.

Rob wasn’t about to wait for him to speak. “When I got to the door, I turned back to look. I saw you talking with another guy, and wondered if you were talking about me. And that was when I realized I actually cared if you were.”

“We were,” Vic confirmed. His eyes twinkled. “I said what a brat you were, and how you couldn’t be a member of the club, because you had no respect.”

“Oh.” Rob’s heart sank at those words.

What did I expect? That’s how I behaved, after all.

“I was wrong.”