An Act of Persuasion(93)

She remembered arguing with him the night before taking him to the hospital to have the stem cell transplant. She remembered feeling as though she was fighting for her life as well as his. She remembered with such vivid clarity how her heart felt as if it would burst from her chest when he’d apologized for making love to her.

This was totally different. This time she was in control. This time he was the one who would feel the pain. This time she would be in the driver’s seat. She had a reason now. He’d kept something from her. And he had no defense. It would be her best opportunity. Calmly and with a few moments to gather her poise, she eased off the bed so she could stand face-to-face with him.

If she was going to do this, she should at least be on her feet.

“How dare you? How dare you presume to tell me what I can or cannot know about my parents? My past!”

“Anna, please. I was trying to protect you.”

Of course he was. Because that’s what Ben did. His natural instinct was to shield and protect. He did it because he cared for her. But that caring was too much. So much it was tearing her apart from the inside. She had only one recourse left.

“Protect me? I’ve been on my own since I was six years old. I know how to protect myself. I didn’t need you then and I don’t need you now. You thought we could have a relationship? A committed, serious relationship when all this time you’ve been lying to me? We have nothing.”

She could see he was stunned. Not prepared for the violence of her attack or the anger in her voice.

He held up his hands as if in surrender. “Okay. Okay, if that’s what you want, I’ll tell you everything I know.”

No, that wouldn’t do. She didn’t want his capitulation. Handing over the information was too easy an out for him. Finding out whatever terrible thing he knew about her parents—because he would have tried to shield her from the knowledge only if it was terrible—was nothing compared to holding on to his deception and heavy-handedness as a weapon she could use to drive him away.

“No, I don’t want to hear anything you have to say. If you found them, Mark will find them. I’ll get what I need from him. You need to leave now.”

“Anna...”

Pain. Real pain. She’d hurt him with her last jab and she could see it in his face. He would learn to live with it. She’d been let go of and abandoned all her life. Eventually a person becomes numb to the agony and the questions. You had to in order to survive. Then a person learned to let go first.

“I’m serious. I can’t deal with this. With you.”

“Please, let’s talk about this. I didn’t mean to hurt you or upset you. You’ve been very emotional—”

“Really? Let’s recap. I’m paranoid. I need to be protected. I can’t handle the truth about my past. I’m emotional.” She counted the items on her fingers. “Who the hell do you think you are? I asked you for help. I wanted you to tell me where I came from. Who I was. And you know but you won’t tell me because you think you know what’s better for me? Screw you.”

“Anna—”

“Are you going to get out or does this have to get ugly? I mean it. I’m eight months pregnant and I don’t think I can handle this kind of stress.”

The perfect thrust. He would feel it right through his chest. Because he couldn’t stay and fight with her knowing that he might put her or the baby at any risk. He had no choice now. He had to leave. She’d done it.

“Please don’t do this. Please.”

The trick was not to feel anything. That was the problem. In these past few months he had made her feel too much. What she needed was control over her emotions. Ben would appreciate that. He was a man who understood control.

“I’ll text you if there is any information you need to know after my appointment tomorrow. Then after a few days and we’ve calmed down, we can talk about the plan for the birth. Then discuss custody options for after it’s born.”

He swallowed. “We shouldn’t call it it.”

He walked into the closet. A few moments later he emerged wearing jeans, a T-shirt and a pair of old sneakers she’d told him needed to be replaced even though he liked the way they fit his feet. Such a wifely thing, she thought, to care about the condition of the sneakers he wore. Yes, ending this relationship now was the right thing. She hadn’t realized how close she’d been to completely succumbing.

He grabbed his cell phone from the nightstand and stuffed it in his pocket. He didn’t look at her. He simply left without saying another word.