An Act of Persuasion(100)
“I get why this stinks for you. I really do. But I’m not the worst guy in the world. If you’re honest with yourself, you can acknowledge at least that. I blew it as a dad. I sent cards and gifts and money instead of being there in person because I was off fighting a war for our country—”
“Oh, please. Don’t make it out like you were drafted or something. Mom told me that’s why you didn’t want to get married. Because you wanted to be some superspy guy like James Bond.”
“James Bond is a fictional character. What I did was real. But you’re right. I wanted that life.”
Mark had to own that. Honesty was the only policy in this case. He couldn’t get tripped up in any kind of lie without pushing her away even more. The truth was he had no idea what Helen had told Sophie about him and their decision not to get married. He could only tell Sophie what he knew, without, of course, letting her know what her mom had done to get pregnant.
“You wanted to leave.”
“No, that’s not fair. From the time I could remember, I knew I wanted to be a CIA agent. But when I found out your mom was pregnant I was willing to let it go for you. Did she tell you that? As soon as we knew about you, I proposed.”
Sophie nodded. Then started to shred the paper napkin she was holding. “She said she would have made you miserable. That you would have made each other miserable because she would know the whole time that you had sacrificed your ambition for her. She said you would have resented her and then she would have resented you because she would know we weren’t enough for you.”
Maybe a little too much information for a teenage girl to know about her father. But it was true, and he had to own that, too. “My whole life I wanted this one thing. Then you came along and I knew I had to let it go. And, truly, I didn’t want to leave you. I didn’t know what being a dad would be like but part of me was excited. That’s the truth. But your mom wasn’t wrong. Sometimes I think she knew me better than myself.”
“She was really intuitive.”
“Yes, she was.” Mark thought it was good to hear Sophie talk about Helen. Sophie hadn’t done enough of that around him. Probably because she didn’t talk much at all around him. “I would like to think I would never have resented my choice. I did love your mom back then. I know I wouldn’t have resented you. You were totally innocent. But maybe your mom saw something in me that made her think I wasn’t the best bet as a father. While that still might be true, I’m the only one you have.”
“I don’t even, like, know you.”
Mark nodded. Again he was pleased. For the first time he actually thought they were communicating. She was talking and, more importantly, she was listening. “Then we get to know each other. You move in with me and we move your grandparents into that assisted living place that’s better for them. You’ll still see them as much as you want. They’re not going anywhere. Certainly not your grandfather, he walks like a snail.”
There it was. For one brief second the corner of her lip curled up. The semblance of a smile. Then it was gone.
“It’s, like, everything is changing so fast.” Her eyes filled with tears.
He reached out to take her wrist. She kept her hand in a fist, balled around another napkin, but she didn’t try to pull away. “It is, kid. Because of a stupid freak accident your mom, who should be here, is gone. Your grandparents should have stayed the same forever, but they can’t stop age. And I should be in a camp somewhere in southeast Afghanistan, but I’m here.”
“Do you miss it?”
“No.” This he could tell her truthfully. “I enjoyed working for the government but my time there was done. I was ready for this. I was coming home, Sophie. To you. No matter what.”
She seemed to take all that in. Then she tugged her hand away so she could nibble at the tips of her fingernails.
“So...did you, like, kill people and stuff?”
“Classified.”
“Did you know where Osama Bin Laden was hiding?”
“Classified.”
“Can you tell me anything?”
“George Bush is shorter in person.”
“That blows.”
No, he thought. It didn’t blow at all. In fact, it had been their first real conversation. “How about another slice? Then we can take all this stuff to the baby who, you know, won’t really care about any of it.”
* * *