All We Can Do Is Wait(72)

Laurie was right. After downing about one and a half of Laurie’s rum concoctions, Alexa felt loose, expansive. Like she was in love with everyone at Grey’s, in love with everyone that summer. She found herself at one point sitting on the big, enveloping living room couch, talking to Davey—kind, dopey Davey—about his plans for the navy: where he hoped to sail to, what he hoped to see.

“You know, I think it’s really cool,” Alexa said, realizing she might be a little slurry but figuring everyone else probably was too. “That you’re just, like, doing your own thing. You know? You’re just gonna go out into the world and figure it out.”

Davey shrugged. “I mean, I’d probably rather be partying at college, but, y’know, money.”

Alexa nodded. “Yeah, yeah. Money. Ugh.”

Davey smiled. “Easy to hate it when you have it!”

Alexa laughed. “Yeah, I guess so. Sorry. I must sound like such a brat all the time.”

Davey gave her a little bump with his shoulder. “Nah. Everyone here likes you.”

Alexa wanted to hug him. “Oh, good! That makes me happy. I love everyone. This is, like, the best summer of my life. It’s crazy to think that life could be like this all the time, you know? Just working and hanging out and not, like, always trying to get toward something bigger and better.” She caught herself. “Not that you’re, like, not trying to better your lives or whatever. I just mean . . .”

Davey smiled, nodded. “I know what you mean. It’s a fun job. Summer jobs are fun.”

Alexa rested her head on his shoulder. “I hope you’ll be safe, in the navy.”

“Not a lot of naval battles happening these days.”

“That’s true,” Alexa said, suddenly feeling the room begin to spin, just a little. “Hey, I’m gonna go outside, get some fresh air. You wanna come?”

“Nah,” Davey said, eying Laurie’s cousin, Jacqui, sitting across the room. “I’m gonna stay inside.”

Alexa said O.K. and gave Davey a quick kiss on the check, then stood up and wobbled out to the scraggly little backyard, where some kids were smoking, Courtney Price telling some story that had everyone in stitches.

“Hey, Alexa,” Courtney said evenly, but not in an unfriendly way.

“Hey, guys,” Alexa said, feeling a little less spinny now that she was outside, but suddenly nervous about an interaction with scary Courtney and these other kids, who didn’t work at Grey’s and seemed a little older, Nate’s age maybe.

“I was just telling them about Kyle and that bitchy lady last week.”

“Oh God, the one with the declined credit card?”

“Yeah.”

“What a nightmare. But Kyle handled it so well. He shut her down!”

Courtney laughed. “Shut. Her. Down.”

The other kids all seemed to grow bored with hearing a story about somewhere they didn’t work, for a second time, so they drifted off, making their way back inside to get more drinks. Which left Alexa and Courtney alone in the yard together.

“Kyle’s great . . .” Alexa said, mostly just trying to fill the silence.

“Yeah,” Courtney agreed. “I really hope he actually comes to New York with me.”

Alexa was surprised. “I thought he was for sure gonna go?”

“I don’t know,” Courtney said, running a hand through her long, silky hair. “Kyle likes to talk big, but it’s tough, with his mom. I think it would be hard to leave her behind.”

Alexa had gotten vague intimations, from Kyle and others, that Kyle’s mom was not always well, maybe a drug thing, maybe a mental illness thing, maybe both. She nodded. “Yeah. I bet that would be hard.”

“You’re lucky,” Courtney said, turning to face Alexa.

Alexa was taken aback. Courtney Price, cool and gorgeous and New York–bound Courtney Price, was telling Alexa that she was lucky? “What do you mean?” was all she could muster in response.

“Because. You can do anything,” Courtney said matter-of-factly. “Your family isn’t crazy, they have money, you’re smart, you’re clearly, like, a good person. You’ll be fine wherever. You’re lucky.”

Alexa had never felt lucky, or unlucky, really. She’d always just felt like her one-track self, until that summer, anyway, when new and unexpected possibilities had begun to glimmer on the horizon.

“Take advantage of that,” Courtney said, dumping out the remainder of her probably warm beer in the grass. “I know Kyle’s jealous of you.”

“Kyle is jealous of me?”

Courtney shrugged. “Maybe not jealous. But if he had everything you had going for you? He’d do a whole hell of a lot. Anyway . . .” she said, turning back toward the house. “I’m going to grab a fresh drink. You want something?”

Alexa shook her head, lost in thought about what Courtney had just said. “No, I’m . . . I’ll be in in a second.”

Courtney sauntered off and Alexa stood in the backyard, thinking about Kyle, about herself, about possibility. Courtney was right, of course. Between Alexa and Kyle, he was the one who would really seize on opportunity. Like the kind of opportunity that Alexa had, just because of what she was born into.

Maybe that was when Alexa had really decided. It had taken a year, and a great tragedy, to summon up the courage to actually act on it, to begin telling her parents, but maybe that was the turning point, standing there on that little patch of crabgrass, the warm and rocking hug of alcohol making Alexa’s mind loop and wander.