All I Ask(53)

“I can’t handle it if you were to cut me off again. Not if I let you in this time.”

Derek’s thumb grazes the top of my hand. “I can’t walk away from you again, Tea. I don’t think I have it in me.”

There are no guarantees he can give me and I would be stupid to think otherwise. “You say that now, but we’re not exactly in the best position to make promises.”

We have things that are against us becoming close again. Everly and Chastity being the biggest.

“I’m not making promises, but I’m not going to spend the rest of my life waiting. I can’t just sit around and hope that things come to me. I did enough of that in my past. I felt something the other night. It was there the first time I saw you again. I feel it now, sitting here, looking at houses with you. If you think there’s nothing between us—you’re lying to yourself.”

Avoidance is a beautiful thing until it’s taken away. There are no veils of lies I can hide behind right now. He’s forcing me to be honest with myself and I would’ve much preferred not to. I don’t want to go back and feel all that hurt again. I’ve done what I can to move on from it and while we may be some version of friends, my heart is still made of glass with a crack in it. One bump or careless touch and it’ll shatter.

“Why this house, Derek?” I ask, feeling raw and vulnerable.

“Because it’s right. I know you see it. I want to stop second-guessing and fighting back something that’s clearly perfect for me.”

I shake my head because I’m not sure we’re talking about the house. All of this is making my emotions a jumbled mess. He’s saying everything that I’ve wanted, and yet the fear is crippling me from taking a chance. Anytime that I’ve allowed myself this sliver of hope, I’ve had it torn away. The hurt of losing, failing, and being alone has handcuffed me in some ways.

Derek is the key.

But what if he’s the wrong one? What if this house is another symbol of the dream instead of the reality?

And then I wonder…what if all of this is the one dream that will come true? Am I brave enough to take the risk?

“That’s the thing, sometimes we have to second-guess because our gut can be wrong.” I put as much strength as I have into my voice.

“Stop worrying, Teagan. Trust me. Trust what we feel.”

“It’s not that simple!” I move away from him, needing the space to think straight.

“Why? What’s complicated? We both have feelings for each other. We owe it to ourselves to see what it means.”

“And what about our kids?”

“What about them?”

I shake my head. “Do you really think Everly will want you to date or explore your feelings so soon after her mother’s death? Or what about the fact that of all the people you could choose, you’re choosing the mother of the girl she hates? Then, there’s my daughter…”

Chastity has never asked for anything from me. She’s always appreciated the sacrifices I make. I’ve never once been made to feel like a bad mother in her eyes. It doesn’t matter what my mother or I feel about my life, to Chas, I’m a hero. I’ve given her a roof, happiness, friendship, love, and always made sure she was cared for.

To force her to have to be around Everly feels like it would be a slap in her face.

“I know there are obstacles.”

I laugh. “There are boulders in front of the trail that neither one of us can push.”

“Then we stand in front of the boulder until we’re both strong enough to move it together. I’m asking for a date, Teagan, not forever.”

But somewhere deep in my heart, I know that Derek has always owned my forever.

“One date. One date and you don’t buy this house.”

His smile could brighten the sky if it were dull. “One date, and I’m putting an offer in today.”

One date and then we can go back to just friends.





Chapter Twenty-Five





Derek




Present



“Where are you going?” Everly asks.

“Out.”

She was supposed to be with her friends tonight and it was the perfect chance to leave the house without facing a million questions, but that didn’t happen.

“I see that, but where?”

“Where people are.”

Everly huffs. “Dad.”

“I’m going out with a few friends from high school.” It’s not a lie…completely. I’m going out with Teagan on a date and there could be other people we went to school with there. You never know.

She rolls her eyes. “Let me guess, Teagan Berkeley?”

“She’ll be there.”

“Mom hated her,” she states with disgust. “You know that, right?”

“Your mother was upset, and I’m part of the reason, but Teagan did nothing to deserve that anger.”

There was no making Meghan happy because she didn’t really want to be. The saddest part was that I would’ve done anything she wanted if she would’ve let it go. I did love Meghan. But I shattered her heart and it never healed.

“Mom hated her. She told me how you were friends and you were in love with Teagan and were going to leave us.”