All I Ask(42)

I can’t believe I said it aloud. I have to get out of here. My feet hit the ground and I grab the last shot, tossing it back. “You win.”

There’s no way I can ever look at him again. I’m mortified. As quickly as my drunk legs will take me, I get outside the bar. The cold air hits me in the face, sobering me a bit.

“I’m so stupid,” I whisper to the wind.

“Teagan.” Derek’s hand is on my arm.

“Please, you don’t have to say anything.”

“I think I do.”

“No, I’ve been drinking and we were just…it was stupid and I…just let me go and tomorrow we can pretend that this didn’t happen.”

Derek’s eyes are soft and pleading. “Ask me…”

“Ask you what?”

His hands are on my arms, holding me to him, and I’m taken back in time. We stood like this so many times. Anytime life got overwhelming and we needed someone to ground us. Anytime we needed a friend who wouldn’t judge the other for speaking the truth. I could be me, awkward, embarrassed, or anything else, and Derek would be there.

“Ask me, Tea.”

I know if I speak that the answer will break my already shredded heart. For so long I’ve wanted to utter these words, and now he’s here, holding me, touching me, and I’m drunk enough to let myself be free if I can find the courage.

But I’m not fearless. “I can’t.”

And then, before I can breathe or speak, his lips touch mine and I’m gone. My mouth moves against his and I steal his air. I need it to fill me, give me everything I’ve missed for so long.

He’s the piece of me that’s been lost. He’s the love that I’ve been desperate for. Kissing him is nothing like I imagined. I thought it would be soft and sweet, but there’s nothing gentle about him. He pushes me, kisses me as though it’s the only thing he can do.

My fingers wrap around his neck, holding him close, not feeling an ounce of cold…it’s all fire.

He consumes me, burns me with each lick of his tongue, turning my bones to ash.

All too soon, he pulls back, his blue eyes filled with passion. The way he looks at me causes my stomach to clench.

I open my mouth to say something—anything. There have to be words to make me wake up from this dream. This is…reckless. Here on the streets of our hometown and half-drunk isn’t the way this should’ve happened.

His hand pushes against my cheek, cupping it so I have to see him. “Ask me.” I hear the words as a tear rolls down my cheek.

And with those words, the dream is over and I awaken. “I really have to go.”

And just like that, I walk away.





Chapter Twenty





Teagan




Present



My head is pounding and I feel like I ate a jar of cotton. It’s like the Sahara in my mouth.

Somehow, I get myself out of bed and pop two Tylenol and chug water. Today is going to suck. It’s a Saturday and I have to work downstairs, although thankfully it’s off-season and slow, which means I might be able to nap.

Chastity’s door is still closed and I’m beyond grateful. She’s way too smart to see through any possible lies I could come up with about what happened last night.

I sit in the kitchen with a death grip on my coffee, head on the table because it’s so heavy, and try to stop replaying that damn kiss.

The kiss that I’ve wanted for so long and yet, I stopped it.

I really am an idiot.

Or am I smart for putting an end to it? Our first kiss should’ve been because we had some big epiphany of our relationship, not because we were drunk and flirty. It feels like a huge letdown and yet it wasn’t. It was…everything.

I sit back up and groan.

The store buzzer rings, alerting me someone is here.

I can’t people today, but if someone is at that door it means it’s either Nina or my mother. I pray for Nina because I might lose my shit on anyone else.

“Hey,” I say as I open the door.

Nina smiles and then when she actually looks at me it shifts. “You look like shit.”

“Thanks.”

“I’m just saying, after a first date most people don’t look like they rolled out of bed after lying in the barn. Oh! Or maybe you did get freaky in the barn? Yes? Sexy time on the hay…that would itch though.”

I sigh and lean against the wall. “No sexy time on any hay.”

“Sad,” Nina says wistfully. “So, why after your date do you look like a hot mess?”

“If I went on a first date maybe I wouldn’t look like this.”

She turns her head to the side and purses her lips. “I’m pretty sure we forced you to put makeup on to go on such a thing.”

“You did, but he bailed on me last minute.”

“No!” she yells and when I wince she apologizes. “So you got drunk alone in the bar?”

I close my eyes and silently wish I could end this conversation. Nina and I share most things, but I don’t know that I should tell her what happened with Derek. Although we kissed in the damn street, so for all I know someone took a video of it. Wouldn’t that be ironic.

“Let’s go downstairs,” I suggest.