All I Ask(39)

Derek is so great.

Derek is a wonderful man, being a widower and all.

Oh, Derek, just…bless his broken heart.

I’d like to break something on him.

Instead of giving him the satisfaction of my would-be poor reaction, I open the stupid app again to see if my date messaged me.

Sure enough.

Hi Teagan, I’m really sorry but I can’t make it out there after all. I hope you forgive me but an issue came up at the office I can’t ignore. —Gavin



Unreal. I bet what came up is his wife found the dating app he thought he’d hidden. I’m so stupid. I knew this was a bad idea.

“What has you so sour?” he asks after the bartender gives him a beer. “Why aren’t you on pins and needles for this big date?”

I turn, my hand on the bar, gripping the edge. “Why are you here?”

“I told you.”

I don’t need him to swoop back into town to save me. I’m not a broken dove. I’ve done just freaking fine on my own the last thirteen years. He wasn’t concerned about my impending murder then.

“We’re not friends anymore, Derek. I don’t need you to protect me. I’ve managed on my own with guys that were probably ten times scarier than this dude.”

His body tenses enough to notice it. “I know we’re not friends anymore, Tea.”

“I didn’t mean that—”

“No, I know I fucked that all up, but it doesn’t mean we can’t begin again.”

“There’s too much between us and we’re fools if we believe otherwise.”

“You don’t even want to try?”

I want things to go back to the way they were before he returned to Chincoteague. As much as I hated the state of my life, it was predictable. I didn’t worry about running into him. There was no constant state of unease like what’s happening now. I’m going to end up with an ulcer at this rate.

“To what end?” I toss back.

“Not the end, Tea, a new beginning. Yes, we have history and it’s messy. A long time ago we made stupid choices, but I’d like to start over.” Derek gets to his feet, extending his hand to me. “I’m Derek Hartz. I once was a good guy who was a really loyal friend and I’m an ass who learned from the mistake of hurting someone I loved. And you are?”

I could take his hand. It’s right there. I could place my palm to his, shake, and start over. He’s not the same, and neither am I. Time has changed us both and there’s nothing saying we can’t be Derek and Teagan again but grown up.

But by doing that, I’m agreeing to a new start.

His eyes hold mine and I pray he doesn’t see the storm that’s brewing inside of me.

I open my mouth when I see the sadness fill his gaze. “Teagan Berkeley,” I say, taking his peace offering. “It sounds like maybe you’re not such an ass after all. I mean, you did try to keep me from being murdered.”

Derek laughs and shakes my hand. “Maybe I’m not, but I know I’ll do my best to make sure there’s no maybe in it the next time.”

I really hope so because I don’t think I could endure losing him again.





Chapter Nineteen





Teagan




Present



“It looks like he’s not coming,” Derek says after another thirty minutes.

“Maybe he got a look at you and thought you were my date.”

I’m officially dateless and now feel lame. I didn’t tell Derek because I was hoping that he would’ve left so I could’ve snuck out without him ever knowing. Since that didn’t happen, I’ve been stuck here.

Not that I should complain, since what’s-his-face wasn’t really someone I was that excited to spend my night with. I could barely even remember his name. The last hour I’ve laughed, joked, and smiled with Derek.

It’s a little like old times, only with some eggshells under our feet.

He’s asked about my painting. I’ve asked about the animals and his family. A lot of commiserating about single parenting. There’s something really…nice about the night.

“Then I’ve done my job.” He laughs.

“Of what? Scaring off the first date I’ve had in ten years.”

“Ten years?”

Great. I let him know how pathetic I am. Truth is, it’s been longer than that. I haven’t gone on a date since Chastity was born. It’s never felt like the right time. Which is an excuse, I know this, but it worked for me. Not dating wasn’t about Derek as much as it was about the ability to handle one more rejection.

I didn’t love Keith or want to spend my life with him, but I wanted him to care for our daughter. Instead he walked away from her without a single afterthought.

“I’ve been busy.” I shrug and drain the rest of my vodka and cranberry.

“Doing? You just finished telling me how mundane and disappointing you feel your life is.”

I really need to stop drinking. I seem to have loose lips around him thanks to the vodka.

“My point is that if you scared him off, you owe me.”

“Oh, do I?” His grin makes my stomach drop.

I really wish my body would stop doing that.