A Walk Along the Beach(74)

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    The next few hours passed in a blur. We gathered at Lucas and Chantelle’s apartment and made funeral arrangements. Pastor McDonald met us there and prayed with us. His words barely registered as grief consumed me. Vaguely, I was aware that once the funeral was over, I would go back to what my life had once been, without Harper. It didn’t seem real. Didn’t seem possible.

Not until that evening, when I was mentally exhausted and my eyes burned from all the tears I’d shed.

Sean still phoned. Not as often as he had after he’d first left, but I could count on him reaching out at least once a day. When I saw his name come up on caller ID, I thought he should know.

“Willa? Thank God you answered. Babe, we need to talk. I’m sorry. Please forgive me. I’m flying back…I should never have left you.”

“Stay.”

“Stay? What? Why would I do that? Don’t you need me?”

I had needed him, but the job was more important. A foretaste of any future we might have had together. “You’re too late. Harper died this afternoon.”

His shock reverberated across the wireless connection like a sonic boom. “No. Willa, dear Willa, I am so sorry.”

“I know…We all are.” There really wasn’t a whole lot more to say. People generally said the same things in situations like this. They were sorry, as if the death were somehow their fault. Or they were sure the loved one would be at peace now. Or in a better place. In the few hours since Harper had been pronounced dead, I’d already heard them all.

“What happened?”

“Cancer happened.”

“I know…I mean…This is a shock!”

    I could tell he was struggling to find words.

“I know she wasn’t doing well,” he continued, “but I didn’t realize…you know, that death was imminent.”

I had nothing to say.

“I’ll be there tomorrow afternoon. Oh babe, I had no idea. I thought…I don’t know what I thought. I’m so sorry. Will you be in Seattle or Oceanside?”

“Why?” I didn’t mean to be obtuse, but why should it matter?

“Why?” he repeated. “So I can be with you.”

“You haven’t been with me in weeks, why is it important now?”

“Willa, please. I know you’re in shock and I hate that I wasn’t there for you. But I’ll be there soon.”

I almost smiled. As far as I was concerned, it was too little, too late. I had nothing left to give.

“Promise you’ll talk to me,” he urged.

“Promise?” I repeated, as if this was more than I could manage, and at this point, it was.

“Willa, please, tell me what I can do to make this better.”

“Make this better?” I asked, as if that was humanly possible. “My sister is dead, Sean. A bowl of ice cream, a walk on the beach, ten sunny days in a row isn’t going to make this better. Nothing this side of heaven could put a dent in this grief. This loss. This pain. I’m empty. Devastated. You aren’t going to be able to make this better. No one can.”

“Oh Willa…”

He seemed to be at a loss for words, which was fine because I wasn’t ready to hear anything more he had to say.

“Thank you for calling, but please don’t again.”

“Willa, don’t hang up.”

“I’m sorry, Sean,” I whispered. “It’s over,” and I disconnected the call.





CHAPTER 28





Sean


After my conversation with Willa and hearing the news about her sister, I didn’t sleep all night. What I’d said was true. I wasn’t clueless. I knew Willa was upset about my leaving so soon after my return from the Philippines. I got the hint when she didn’t pick up my calls. At first I rationalized that she was at the hospital with Harper and had turned off her phone. Then my voicemails went unanswered. So did my text messages.

When I’d joined Doug in Chicago, I assumed we’d be able to wrap this all up in a couple of days. I’d been wrong. The last bit was intense. We were putting in long days. I did my best, pressing ahead as fast as I could in my effort to get back to Seattle and be with Willa. We weren’t far from completing the comprehensive article with the accompanying photographs. I have to admit that I was proud of how it had come together. Doug knew I needed to leave and said I should go. He would finish up the last bit without me, seeing that I wasn’t offering him much at that point.

    I was thrilled when I was finally able to connect with Willa.

Learning of Harper’s death had left me in shock. I was sick at heart. My stomach clenched with what a selfish, self-absorbed idiot I’d been. I’d gotten caught up in my career the same way I had back when I played baseball. The entire world revolved around me. Everything was about me and my work, my goals.

In my stupidity I might well have lost the one woman I loved. With everything in me, I prayed I wasn’t too late and that I could make it up to Willa, that I could help her through this dark tunnel of grief. I refused to believe she meant it when she said we were finished.

As soon as the plane landed, I raced to get home. I collected Bandit first thing, thanking Logan once again for watching the dog. Bandit didn’t seem all that eager to go with me. After my long absences, he was probably more comfortable with Logan than with me. It looked like Willa wasn’t the only one I was going to have to win over.