A Mess of a Man (Cruel & Beautiful #2)(109)

“What are you doing?” he asks.

Taking off my shirt hadn’t been a scary prospect before. But I stick to my guns. He needs to see all of me before he can truly commit.

Sucking in a breath, I tell him, “I’m showing you my boobs.”

“But I don’t need to see them.”

With my shirt half on and half off I pause half a second before continuing.

“Yes, you do. You were so in love with them, it was one of the reasons I kept putting off telling you about it. Well, that and Drew.”

“Jesus Sam.” He looks torn to shreds. “God, I loved your breasts, but I’m in love with you …” His eyes confirm everything his mouth voices.

“It’s time to put it behind us. You’ve proven you’re much more than just a boob man.”

“I never meant to make you think I couldn’t live without your boobs. It’s you who I can’t live without …” His head drops as it oscillates slowly.

I need to divert him, so I cup his face in my hands. “Let’s move past this. I have.” Then I kiss him lightly before I reach behind me and unclasp my bra. His lips are pressed together, telling me he’s nervous. I’m not sure of what he’s going to think. The scar is not so significant, but it’s there, and I have to own it. So here goes. I drop the bra and sit here, bared from the waist up.

His eyes open up, his mouth follows, and then the corner of his mouth lifts. At first it’s a slight curl. But then he’s grinning full out.

“Holy f*ck. I wasn’t sure what to expect, you were covered up. I just assumed … But they’re awesome, Sam.”

“Yeah? You really think so?”

His eyes slide back to them and his tongue peeks out only to disappear back in his mouth.

“Yes. Yes, they are. I don’t want to sound like a creep, but can I touch them?”

I hope like hell we get past this stage of awkwardness.

“When have you ever had to ask before? Just be gentle. I’m still not totally healed.”

“Okay.” He reaches out tentatively and brushes the backs of his fingers across them. Then he turns his hands around and only ever so slightly, cups them. “They’re beautiful. Just like you.”

“But the scars,” I point to them.

Slowly, he shakes his head.

“I don’t give a f*ck about any scars. It’s you I love.” His finger touches the juncture between my breasts. “I have you healthy and alive. That’s all I care about. You want to know something?”

“What?”

“First, I thought you had cancer and would have to go through treatment. When you said you didn’t, I thought that was the greatest thing in the world. Then when you said you had mastectomies, I assumed that you didn’t have any breasts at all, and here you sit with two amazing tits. Who cares about scars?”

A ripple of laughter bursts out of me and I throw my arms around him. “I love you, Ben Rhoades.”

“Samantha Calhoun, I love you more than words can tell you.”

His mouth hovers over mine for a second, lips brushing back and forth. And then his tongue tastes my lips, right before it slips past the opening of my mouth. We are soon devouring each other.

Heat shoots out his eyes as he tentatively asks, “Can you have sex?”

“Yeah, why?” A slow wicked grin grows on my face.

“I … um … didn’t know if you were on any kind of restriction.”

“What do you have in mind, Rhoades?”

He stares at my mouth like a starving man, which only serves to make my smile sprout wings.

“It’s just Ben Jr. is so f*cking happy to see you and your new tits.”

I can’t help the laugh that leaves my throat.

“Naughty boy. Did you miss me?”

“Fuck right I did. And it’s been over a month, Sam. If you can’t, that’s fine. But I’ll beg you for a hand job.”

I toss my head back. Never have I felt so empowered.

“I think you’ve earned the full on deal. Just be easy on my boobs.”

His head bobs with a sly smile on his face.

“Can I at least kiss them?”

“Oh, I think that can be arranged.”

Just when I thought he was about to lunge at me, all of a sudden, he stops and pins me with his steel-gray gaze.

“I missed you so much. There were times I didn’t think I could make it without you. The fact is you set my world to rights. . Not seeing your smile, or hearing your voice was like the sky without stars. And when I look at you, you make me feel healed inside. Drew taught me many things about life. And he was right about something really important. He told me to open up my heart and allow myself to fall in love because it would be the greatest gift I could give myself. Only I didn’t realize how epic it would be. I give you credit for that. You taught me how to love. And now that I know, I don’t ever want to live a day without you. Promise me you’ll live each day with me. Be my one and only, Sam.”

“Don’t you know?” I ask.

“Know what?”

“I already am.”





I tug at my collar for the millionth time. I shouldn’t be nervous, but I am. Cate’s wedding is done and soon I’ll be out of this monkey suit as the reception is dying down. Speeches have been given, the first dance done and cake eaten. Mercer stands next to me patiently waiting for me to spit it out.