A Life More Complete(95)
Before I can even put the car in park, Maizey scrambles from her seat and into Kevin’s arms as he waits for her out front of the hotel. Moments later Paul appears taking Rachel’s hand and the four of them retreat to their rooms leaving me alone.
It wasn’t supposed to be this way. I wasn’t supposed to be the one alone. Out of the three of us I’m the only one who wanted to get married. Yet, I’m the one with the husband who would definitely be in the running for worst husband of the year. I’m the one left alone.
I grab my phone and call Tyler because right now I need to know someone loves me. I’m shocked when he answers on the first ring.
“Hi, kid. You hanging in there?” he asks but he sounds distant.
“I guess so. It’s been surreal to say the least. I haven’t seen my mother yet, but it’s coming. We made the wake and funeral arrangements for...” I stop short due to the giggling of a girl in the background. “Who’s laughing?” I ask, perturbed by the lack of privacy.
“Oh, that’s Ryan’s assistant. She’s reiterating a story to us about ordering Chinese food last night. Something got lost in the translation of no shrimp in the fried rice and we ended up with about ten pounds of shrimp instead. It was hilarious,” he says laughing with a little too much gusto.
“Funny,” I deadpan. The conversation stalls out. I wait several seconds and speak again. “I really wish you were here. The wake is on Saturday and the funeral on Sunday. You’d still have time to get ready for your case on Monday. It’s Memorial Day.”
He sighs and I can hear the annoyance in it. The background noise grows muffled as I realize he has placed his hand over the phone. Seconds later he returns, the room quieter. “Listen, I told you I have to work all weekend. I’m not sure what part of that you missed, but I’ll repeat it again. I have to work all weekend.”
“Good-bye Tyler,” and with that I hang up. And the cycle continues. He won’t leave and I know that. He knows I’ll feel guilty and call. It’s disgusting.
The times when we truly enjoyed each other’s company are beginning to be overshadowed by Tyler’s ability to make me feel inferior to him. The respect is gone. The problem is that his passive aggressive tendencies and his view of me just make me want to try harder. For some reason I can’t leave. About ten minutes into my self-pity party my phone vibrates. Maizey asks if I want to walk over to the Cracker Barrel and have dinner with the four of them. The idea of having to sit through a meal with the two perfectly happy couples, makes me feel like barfing. In the end, after battling back and forth, I agree. The baby and I can’t turn down green beans cooked in bacon fat.
Luckily for me the conversation throughout dinner is dominated by Paul and Kevin and their obsession with securing seats on the first base line for the White Sox game tomorrow.
I pull my phone from my purse for a third time during dinner and Rachel glances at me with suspicion in her eyes. I quickly drop the phone back into my bag and pull out my wallet.
“I’m done for the night,” I say, stretching adding in a yawn for good measure. I place a twenty on the table and begin to leave.
“I’ve got dinner tonight,” Kevin says handing me back my money. “It’s been a hard day for everyone, you more so than anyone.”
My reply comes out as indignant as I narrow my eyes at him. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It’s just that you’re the only one who’s here alone. I thought it’d be a nice gesture. I didn’t mean anything by it.” He looks over at Maizey for support, but her eyes drop to her hands. She hates confrontation, but she pulls it together to mutter a few words, which do nothing to subside my agitation and humiliation.
“Let it go, Krissy. He didn’t mean anything by it.” Her voice is meek, but her soulful eyes meet mine.
“Please don’t pretend to know what I deal with every day, the last thing I want or need is pity. So look at it this way, paying for my meal at Cracker Barrel isn’t going to suddenly change the bullshit that’s become my life, but thanks anyway.” I walk away and I’m crying before I even hit the parking lot.
I pull my phone from my purse sending Maizey a quick text to apologize for my behavior. I know none of this is their fault, yet I can’t help but blame them for claiming what should have been mine all along. I wanted the happy family, but they found it when it was the last thing Rachel or Maizey were seeking. I’m constantly looking for something that might have passed me by or I just might be seeking happiness with the wrong person. Maybe it’s that obvious.