A Life More Complete(97)
“Sounds good.” I close the door and pull my sweater over my head. I quickly change into a loose fitting t-shirt and I tie a fleece around my waist somewhat masking the unbuttoned pants and the muffin top.
After an hour at the mall Rachel has bought a Coach purse and two dresses from J.Crew when we make our way over to the maternity store. Maizey suggests going in to buy at least one pair of pants that will not leave an indentation in the baby’s head. Rachel ditches us heading into another store across the way.
“What about these?” Maizey asks holding up a pair of jeans that look strikingly similar to the ones I have my butt currently crammed in.
“Perfect. Grab a 27 and a 28. I’m going to take a look up front.” I pull a few basic tanks and a couple of tunics from the rack and meet up with Maizey by the fitting rooms. Tossing the items onto the bench, Maizey flops down onto the floor leaning up against the wall. I begin to peel my jeans down but they get stuck around my hips. Working a little harder they give and I toss them onto Maziey’s lap. I grab the first pair of jeans in the size 27 and slip them on. They are much looser than my current pants, but I can see how in a few months these too will look as if I painted them on.
“Better,” Maizey agrees, “but I think you gotta go with the bigger size, so that you’re not doing this again in two or three months.”
“It’s like wearing pajamas,” I say pulling at the elastic waistband on the pants. “I could get used to this.”
I pay for two tanks and the jeans, which I end up wearing out of the store. They are far more comfortable than pouring myself into my ill-fitting skinny girl jeans sans button.
“I’m starving,” I tell Maizey. “I’m going to get a pretzel. Do you want anything?”
“No, I’m fine. Go ahead. I’ll wait for Rachel,” she says taking a seat on a bench outside the maternity store. Meeting back up with her a few minutes later with a pretzel and lemonade in hand I sit down next to her. The silence between us begins to wear thin and now I know it must be a family trait to need to fill the silence.
“You know you don’t have to stay with him, right?” Maizey asks looking straight ahead. “He doesn’t deserve you. I’ve always liked Tyler, but I think I have an idealized view of him. He came into my life when I really needed someone to care for me and he was that person. But my view on a lot of things has changed. You and I were young. It’s hard to see things for what they really are when you’re young. He’s always been a jerk, but there were times when he made you happy. He doesn’t anymore.” She stops there, reaches over and pulls a piece of pretzel from my hand. Taking a bite she looks at me expecting something profound.
Reconciled, I sigh, “I don’t know what to say anymore. We have history and I have faith that I made the right choice. I know everything isn’t the way it should be, but I can’t give up on him. I wish I could.”
“I understand. I’ve been there. When your mother kicks you out at seventeen you do what you have to just to get by. That’s why I stayed with the first Kevin as long as I did. He took me in when I needed it and I thought it was love. You’ll reach your breaking point. Pressure from me or Rachel or Gia won’t make you leave. You have to do it on your own. Just know I’ll be here when you finally break.”
She finishes just as Rachel walks up carrying an obscene amount of bags and a huge grin on her face.
“Cleaned the place out,” she says proudly.
“Poor Paul. Does he have any idea what he got himself into?” I ask, shaking my head at her. My phone vibrates in my purse and I dig through it as if I’m searching for a diamond ring someone tossed in there. I pull it from my bag with too much force and far too much excitement. It’s hard to hide and both of my sisters look at me with interest.
“Important call?” Rachel asks. I don’t answer as I click on the most recent text message. My heart is beating against my chest with such force that I feel like it might finally give way. This would be the first time that Tyler has contacted me after an argument and I feel like this is the moment I’ve been waiting for. A breakthrough. I’m not that lucky.
Ben: Just heard about your dad. I’m so sorry for your loss. Call if you need anything.
Rolling my eyes, I want to slap myself for even thinking that there was the possibility that Tyler would actually admit wrong doing. I feel like a complete moron for allowing my sisters to see my excitement. I text him back.