A Life More Complete(69)
All of my borderline insane tendencies tend to make an appearance when it comes to Tyler. I begin to obsess over the fact that he’s not answering his phone, which then turns to me obsessing over the fact that he just might see all the missed calls on his phone and leave me. Who wants to be stalked by their girlfriend? Who calls someone seven times in thirty minutes? Me, that’s who. As my mind races I realize I never called Gia to tell her Tyler and I are engaged. For some reason I decide that if I talk to Gia about my engagement that it will without a doubt make it okay. There is no way he could cheat on me if I’m saying nice, happy things about us, right? Shit, I really am crazy!
I pick up the phone and dial. She picks up on the first ring with excitement in her voice she greets me warmly. I miss her so much.
“Hi, Gi. Miss you.” I say immediately.
“Me too. What’s going on? How’s Tyler?” she asks but also sounds slightly resigned.
“Good. He’s back in Chicago right now finishing up some trial. For once I’m not gone but he is. It kinda sucks.”
The conversation hits a lull and I know what she’s about to ask. She sighs deeply and begins. “He’s living with you?” It almost sounds like a statement rather than a question. I pause for a moment unsure of how to respond. For the first time in my life I want to lie to Gia. I want to own that lie and fill it with details and take it to my grave. The tone in her voice is disappointment, almost sad, which makes me feel guilty. It makes me want to lie to save my ass from getting chewed out by her. I can’t do it. I could never lie to Gia. Through everything she’s been my one constant, my support system even when she didn’t agree with my decisions.
“Yes and I know what you’re going to say...” She interrupts me almost immediately.
“No you don’t. This time I want you to do what you feel is right. Follow your heart. As much as I can’t say I agree, I just want you to be happy and there was a time when you and Tyler were happy. I hope you can find that again.”
“Thanks. I really needed you to say that. Rachel reamed me out and I wasn’t really in the mood for it again.”
“What’d Rachel have to say?”
“Just that Tyler is an * and he treated me like shit. You know the usual. She said I was making a mistake.” I roll my eyes. Leaning back against a pile of pillows and I press the phone to my ear with my shoulder.
“Since when are you taking relationship advice from Rachel? She pretty much made out with or slept with her entire male graduating class. I still wonder about some of the girls, too. I’m not sure she’s the right one to be dishing out advice.”
“She got married last weekend. I totally forgot to tell you the last time we talked. Things were a little crazy with work and now my...” I stop myself short of saying engagement, since I forgot to mention that to Gia, too.
“Your what?” she asks as if she knows what I’m going to say. She probably does. That is what happens when you know someone as well as Gia and I know each other. There’s no hiding it now.
“M-My...,” I stammer. “Tyler and I are engaged,” I blurt out. “He proposed last week. One day after we got back together to be exact.” I close my eyes tightly and clench my teeth. If she was trying not to be negative before I’m sure this will push her over the edge. The silence on the other end is worse than words.
“Say something Gia. Please. You’re killing me.” I blow out a deep breath. “I love him. I always have.”
“I know,” she says after what feels like hours. “I understand that, it’s just that I can’t help but wonder if this doesn’t have something to do with Ben. It’s hard to heal when you don’t give yourself a chance. Jumping into this might feel really good right now, but you may regret it later.”
“I understand what you’re saying and I know it’s sudden, but we’ve known each other for so long. I feel like it’s right.” I realize I’m lying to Gia as we speak. I don’t know if it’s right. But admitting that would be like giving up and I can’t give up on something that is so new. I also don’t tell her about my wild imagination, that’s just far too embarrassing to even admit to Gia. I wouldn’t so much call it a lie, but an omission. That sounds better.
“When’s the wedding?”
“I don’t know. We haven’t really talked about it yet.”
“Well, I guess that’s good. That’ll give you some time to think it through.”