A Life More Complete(35)
“While you were here crying, she was missing her court date. She just didn’t show up. No explanation. Just didn’t show up.”
“Really? What’s that mean for her?” I ask concerned.
“I don’t know. That’s why we’re meeting with him to try to sort out a plan of action for Trini and what we can do as her publicists to curb the media backlash.”
“Great.”
“She’s a handful,” Melinda says.
“That she is. Do you want to go drinking tomorrow night? Now that I’m not someone’s girlfriend we can get back to getting ridiculously drunk.”
“I thought you’d never ask.”
---Chapter 10---
The next morning we both arrive at work on time and ready for our meeting with Trini’s new lawyer. She has a court date set for next week and we need to attempt to subside the media’s requests for interviews and statements. We also need to formulate a plan to make her look better, something to make her seem sincere and compassionate. In order to do this, we need to meet with her lawyer to make sure our facts match up, okay everything through him. It turns out the meeting is a waste of time. His flight is delayed and he won’t be arriving until the evening. The meeting has been rescheduled for tomorrow morning at 8:30, all of this is told to us by his assistant via conference call.
The rest of my day goes by uneventfully. Somewhere around lunchtime I call Trini, but she doesn’t answer, which is what I was hoping for. I leave her a message asking not why she missed her court date, but to let her know the meeting with her lawyer was rescheduled for tomorrow. She won’t care. Her lack of interest in anything is beginning to show. Rarely is she seen in public before one in the morning, by which time she is semi-drunk and in so much of a prescription drug induced haze that nothing fazes her in the least. She’s lost weight, but her face looks bloated, not at all what she looked like less than a month ago. I still harbor feelings of pity for her, but each day that passes makes it more difficult. I told her I wouldn’t give up, but I’m not sure I can keep that promise.
As I’m leaving work I stop at Melinda’s desk. “Will you take a rain check on getting drunk tonight?” I ask.
“Sure. Just as long as you’re not going home to cry about losing Ben,” she says eyeing me doubtfully.
“Nope, no crying tonight. I just haven’t gone running in a while and I want to go before it gets dark.”
“No problem, but we’re definitely going tomorrow. Anyway, Friday is a way better night to get drunk.”
“Perfect.” I kiss her cheek as I leave. I make my way to Bob’s office, but he’s already gone for the day. Neither Melinda nor I have seen him since he started dating Jon and I hope for his sake he fares better in his relationship than I did in mine.
As soon as I arrive home, I slip into my running clothes and forget everything. I run and all my problems and thoughts disappear. Running is mindless. Just put one foot in front of the other and focus on the task at hand. I know my outdoor runs will have to be in the evening from now on. I can’t possibly run to the beach as I had once done. It’s Ben’s beach. It was his long before it was mine. It was the place his father taught him to surf, it’s where he goes to escape his job, it is his place of solace and I won’t take that from him by intruding on it every morning. I also can’t bear the thought of seeing him.
I have no idea how many miles I have run; I just know it is far more than usual. It’s late and when I glance at my iPod I realize I have been running for over two hours. The sky has darkened and the streetlights glow brightly.
I’m not even sure how to end my night because right now my life sucks. I open my pantry and grab a bottle of wine that a client had given me last Christmas. I don’t drink wine. Ever. But I want to feel nothing. After three glasses, I’m feeling a bit lightheaded and dizzy. In my wine induced stupor I decide to pack up Ben’s things. My anxiety ebbs and flows, all the while the what-ifs spill around in my head making me think I’ve made a terrible mistake. I should’ve just compromised, given Ben what he wanted, but I still can’t bring myself to do it. Yet, isn’t that what relationships are about, compromise. You hear that all the time. Why can’t I just give in?
I toss his toothbrush, a pair of board shorts, and his running shoes into the box. The box begins to fill quickly, travel coffee mugs, t-shirts, a pair of cargo shorts, a couple of Dennis Lehane books, flip flops and a Dodgers baseball hat. I toss the Torres Landscaping shirt on my bed. “I’m keeping this one,” I whisper to myself. In my totally logical wine drunken haze I decide to put the box in my car. I rationalize that returning the box to him tomorrow will definitely be the end and I’ll be able to move on. I can’t even possibly believe that to be true and if I’m being honest with myself it’s not. I’ve spent nearly seven years with Ben in my life, at least three of those years in a relationship that I wouldn’t dare admit was legitimate until just recently. As I toss the box onto the passenger seat of my car a surge of jealousy runs through me. Jealous of Gia and David and Bob and his new boyfriend. I’m insanely jealous of what they have and I used to have, but let it walk away.