A Life More Complete(28)
“Thank you. That means a lot to me. It truly does.” I wipe my eyes with my hands as they fill with tears.
“And don’t ever tell anyone I got all sappy on you. I can’t ruin my reputation that I’m a hard ass.” I laugh as she stands and pulls me into an attempt at a hug. Affection is obviously not Ellie’s thing. She’s stiff, but it’s the gesture that counts. “Take the rest of the day off. Turn your phone off, get in bed, have a glass of wine and sleep. Tomorrow’s another day.”
“Thanks, Ellie. Will do.”
As I walk out of her office she calls me, “Oh and Kristin, whatever you do, don’t turn on your TV. It will be everywhere.”
I nod my head in agreement as I lean down and take off my shoes. My feet are killing me and my eyes feel like they are filled with sand. I’m exhausted both physically and mentally.
When I finally arrive home I pull off my dress and toss it wherever it lands. I climb into bed and cover myself with the sheet. I grab my phone and text Ben.
Me: I’m home...finally. Where are you?
The phone drops from my hand landing next to my pillow. It vibrates moments later and I pick it up and smile.
Ben: I’m about five minutes away. Be home soon. Love you.
I love that he calls my home his home and I love that he’s off early. Ben drops a bag from In-N-Out on my bed and I eat while he strips of his clothes and showers quickly. He says nothing and knows that’s exactly what I need. I don’t want to rehash my day or discuss it to an overwhelming degree. He just holds me and any ill effects of my day wash away instantly.
---Chapter 8---
My alarm goes off at 5:15 and Ben and I both rise with the intent to run. I will run this morning regardless of whether Ben joins me or not. My body needs it. Ben and I run with Roxy following at our feet. We never speak while we run and it has always been a comfortable silence. With Ben it’s easy. Everything’s easy.
Ben is sitting on the bed when I emerge from the shower. His hair is wet and his eyes are fixed on the TV. He doesn’t even look at me when he speaks, eyes transfixed on the glowing box in front of him.
“Have you seen this? Holy shit. What a mess.”
“I don’t need to. I lived it.” It’s like a bad dream replaying over and over in my head. Each time I try to speak nothing comes out. “It’s seared into my brain.”
“What happened? She seemed fine the other day.” I look over at the screen and images of Trini flash as captions grace each picture. It’s her life up until this moment. Pictures of her as a baby, a toddler, on the set of her show, dancing on stage, all of them titled with “What Went Wrong?” and the answer is—everything. It went wrong from the beginning. No mother to speak of, an overbearing, unemployed father, thrust into the spotlight and forced to work without any regard for her health or safety. She’s on twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. She can’t leave her house without being recognized, she’s asked to pose for pictures and yet all the while scrutinized for doing something a normal teenager would do. Not saying what happened was normal by any means, but she can’t even go to party and have a drink with friends like most nineteen years olds without it being captured on camera, plastered in magazines, and discussed on message boards. When does she regain her privacy and the right to normalcy? The answer: probably never. The interview begins to play and I look away.
“Can you turn this off?” I ask quietly.
“Sorry, yeah, I don’t know why I’m still watching it,” Ben says apologetically, but continues to stare at the television. “You going to work today?”
“Yes. I have a bunch of other stuff I’ve got to get done. Since Trini’s under lockdown I might actually get some work done. I have to fly to New York tomorrow morning to moderate a book signing and interview for an author I signed a few months back. I think my flight leaves at 4:30 in the morning. I’ll be back early on Thursday, though.” Ben rises from the bed and begins to walk toward me, leaving the television blaring and making it nearly impossible to focus on anything else until his eyes meet mine.
“Okay, sounds good.” Ben is fully dressed and looks like an ad for men’s body wash or cologne or something that would put a blue-collar, stunningly beautiful man on display to sell their product. The jeans he wears always hang from his hips so low that the band of his boxer briefs peek out in a way that always makes me crave him. His flat, toned stomach exposed any time he raises his arms, while his t-shirt, old and worn bears the logo “Torres Landscaping and Pools” on the left side. He wears the same tan work boots every day and the same uniform that every one of his employees wears. You would never know he’s someone’s boss, that he owns the company. He works with the same amount of effort that all his employees show, but he doesn’t need to. The company runs itself at this point, but he goes in every day without fail and comes home each night exhausted but satisfied. For a minute, I’ve forgotten the awfulness of my situation, but it shakes me back into the now.