A Headstrong Woman(20)

“I need to take Elijah’s best suit of clothes to town…”

“Millie gathered them and Russ took them; you don’t need to worry about that.”

“Thank you, Mama. If you’ll excuse me, I’ll join you in a moment,” Alexandria indicated with a gesture in that direction that she was going to make use of the bathroom.

“Of course, Sweetheart.”

Carolyn made her way down the stairs and Alexandria entered the bathroom and locked the door behind her. She leaned against the door and let her tears fall. Her emotions were all jumbled. It hurt to lose Elijah even if they hadn’t been deeply in love. She also dreaded the horrible mourning period ahead of her. Guilt swirled around with a heavy dose of panic. What would she do now? Several minutes later Alexandria pushed off the door and wet a cloth to press it to her eyes. After splashing her face and patting it dry, she looked herself in the mirror and squared her shoulders.

“You will get through this and you will hold it together while you do it,” she ordered herself.

She let herself out of the bathroom and moved down the stairs and toward the parlor where her family had gathered. She stopped in the doorway and surveyed the room.

Her mother and Millie were seated side by side on the settee; they were likely making plans. Her father, brother, and Mr. Stewart stood in a small knot and were seemingly deep in discussion. Anna seemed to hover between the group of men and the women, uncertain whether to cast herself into the group with her latest crush or join the women where she belonged.

Alexandria hesitated; she dreaded entering the room. She preferred to stand here on the edge of things rather than being thrust into the middle of them. Mr. Stewart glanced up and spotted her. His gaze held so much understanding that it nearly undid her hard won resolve. She dropped her gaze and blinked rapidly. Unlike Mr. Stewart and his wife, she and Elijah had not shared a loving marriage. The thought only made her feel worse.

“There you are, come have a seat, dear,” her mother invited as she stood and prepared to fuss over her.

Alexandria seated herself obediently. Anna came to sit beside her and hugged her tight for a moment.

“I’m so sorry, Lexie,” Anna offered. A light knock at the door saved Alexandria from answering. Carolyn quickly stood and emitted Russ, who had just returned from town.

“Mr. Reid, from the undertaker’s, said they would bring the body just as soon as they finished. He had already completed a lot by the time I arrived; it shouldn’t be long,” the man’s voice carried on the heavy, quiet air.

“Thank you, Mr. Morgan. There is coffee on the stove if you would like to help yourself to some,” Carolyn offered.

“Thank you, Ma’am.”

Carolyn returned to the room and addressed them all at once. “It won’t be long now.”

“Rusty brought back word that Elijah’s parents would be on the next train out of Jasper,” Clay relayed the earlier message.

“What of Pastor Anderson?” Carolyn inquired.

“He was out on another call. Sharon was going to send him as soon as he returns,” Clay moved to a chair and seated himself.

“I’ll check the coffee,” Millie jumped up to leave. Alexandria wished that she could busy herself; it was going to be a long night.

***



Elijah’s body had been delivered and the dark casket seemed to shrink the room, dominating it with a pall. Jonathon mused on this as he watched the group gathered around him. Alexandria’s immediate family comprised the core group, along with himself. Several of the hands had filtered in and out and the pastor had come and gone. At moment Millie was resting before the morning round of callers began. Anna sat beside her brother, the two conversing quietly. Clay stood, one arm propped on the fireplace mantel, looking tired and troubled. Carolyn, her face drawn, sat beside a silent Alexandria. Jonathon could understand why she was concerned.

Alexandria had sat quietly and had said little all night. Despite being surrounded by her family, Alexandria seemed removed and cut off; like an island, visible from afar but separated by a gulf. She had been handed a cup of coffee which she drank. The plate of food she had been handed sat untouched on a small table beside her. She wasn’t dealing well; more like she wasn’t dealing at all. Jonathon knew all the symptoms, the squared, determined shoulders; the unnatural calm. He had been the same; determined to make it through without going to pieces in front of the world. It had finally caught up with him on the middle of a dusty road somewhere between here and home. He had been riding along under a gray sky one minute and crying uncontrollably the next.