A Headstrong Woman(23)

“It should have been if you want my opinion,” he informed her.

“There wouldn’t have been enough time to get the word out,” Alexandria argued.

“Everyone who really mattered would have been there and then you could have all gotten some much needed rest,” he countered.

Alexandria nodded, “I guess you’re right.”

“You’re scared too aren’t you?” Jonathon seated himself in an armchair next to the settee.

“Of course I am; my whole life has changed.”

“Yes, but you’re most scared of losing your new little charge. I can tell your heart is fully involved,” he chose his words carefully so Lilly wouldn’t understand what was being said.

“That scares me more than being a widow,” she admitted.

“There you are…well she finally let you go,” Carolyn entered the room.

“Only because I promised we would be her mommy’s new shadow,” Jonathon informed her.

Carolyn offered him a soft smile. “You’re a good man, Mr. Stewart.”

Jonathon responded with a shrug. “I love kids.”

“Well, I know Alexandria appreciates the break.”

“To some extent she does,” Jonathon acknowledged.

Carolyn frowned at him and Alexandria smiled.

“Okay.”

“I’ll explain later, Mama,” Alexandria promised.

“I’ll hold you to that. You should come eat.”

“I will sit in front of a plate of food if it will make you feel better but I doubt I can eat,” Alexandria said as she stood.

“You need to,” Jonathon informed her.

Alexandria turned to frown at him. “Don’t think that just because you were successful with my daughter that you can now start ordering me around.”

“No, Ma’am,” he quickly assured her. Alexandria turned and Jonathon and Carolyn exchanged amused smiles. When Alexandria turned back to them suspiciously they quickly schooled their features.

“We’re right behind you; your new shadows,” Jonathon reminded her. Alexandria continued to survey them a moment before turning and continuing to the kitchen.

***





“Ashes to ashes, dust to dust…”

Alexandria tuned out the pastor’s words. They were words too familiar and heard too often; she could quote them by heart. What she wanted was for someone to tell her what she was to do now. How was she to raise her daughter? How was she to be both Mom and Dad now? Who would intervene when Lilly threw a tantrum? Would she even be allowed to try? In ways Lilly had become her whole life, the thought of losing her now was nearly unbearable.

If she was allowed to keep Lilly, where would they live? On the ranch? She knew nothing of ranching, though admittedly she was a quick study. Her head swirled with these questions and more until she pressed a hand to her temple to try and steady her world. Her mother’s arm slipped around her waist and Alexandria leaned into her and welcomed her comfort.

As soon as the service was over, Alexandria turned toward the buggy she had arrived in. She had no wish to be rude but was not up to greeting anyone at moment. Before she reached the wagon, one familiar face cut off her path.

“Alexandria, I’m so sorry. I rushed back from Jasper as soon as I heard,” Lane Wilson offered his condolences.

Alexandria managed a smile for her old school chum.

“Thanks, Lane.”

“Are you okay; do you need anything?” his brown eyes searched her face.

“I think I’m okay,” she tried to reassure him.

“You let me know if you need anything. I’ll let you go home to rest, Alexandria.”

“Thanks, Lane,” Alexandria resumed her path to the buggy and climbed up into the back seat to leave room for the others. Lilly came running and strained to climb in and Alexandria helped her up and into her lap. Lilly was finally letting her mother out of her sight but not far and not for long. It took a few minutes for the others to untangle themselves from the crowd and join Alexandria. As her mother and mother-in-law discussed what to reheat for lunch Alexandria let her tired muscles relax as she sank into the seat behind her. She had refused going to lay down the night before; she had not wanted to be alone. As a result she had dosed on and off but truly slept little.

They arrived at the ranch and everyone except Alexandria and Lilly alighted quickly. Alexandria was amazed at how weak she felt when she began collecting Lilly and herself to climb down. She was aware of conversation around her, the male and female voices blending together into one sound but not of the words being spoken. Lilly was lifted down and scurried toward the house as Alexandria accepted the proffered hand to step down. As soon as her feet met the ground she felt her legs turn to mush and found the ground rising rapidly to meet her. Two strong hands grabbed her by the elbows and steadied her. She blinked up at Mr. Stewart in confusion; the man seemed to be everywhere.