A Beautiful Forever(23)
“Just what Paige? Talk to me, you’ve been moping around the salon for over a week now,” she prods, wheeling a stool over so she's sitting directly in front of me.
“I went to meet a um… relative, the weekend before last, and it just brought up a lot of… well, shit – from my past. Stuff I wasn’t expecting to be reminded of, and I’m just trying to work through it all in my head. I’m sorry I’ve been out of sorts, but I don’t want to take time off – I’d just spend it thinking, and I don’t want to do that.”
“You don’t have to take time off if you don’t want to Paige. Your work is fantastic as always. My concern is that you’re not your usual bubbly self. I’m worried about you as a friend here, not a boss.”
“Thank you Andrea, but I’ll be fine.”
“Well, I’m here if you need me ok?” she tells me and I nod, appreciating her concern.
I return to sweep my pile of hair while Andrea moves about the salon cleaning up and preparing for her next client by collecting the supplies she’ll need for a keratin treatment.
“Why don’t you tell me about that boy of yours while we’re quiet? Thinking about him sure puts a smile on my face, and you’re the one dating him!” she laughs.
Returning her laughter half-heartedly, I sigh again. “Elliot is wonderful, as always. He’s being so patient with me Andrea. I’m afraid I’ve been a bit distant with him too since he took me out to Cambridge – that’s where my relative lives; and he was so supportive and so amazing while we were there. But I feel like we were in this bubble while we were alone that burst once we got back to the flat and around everyone else. We’re still together, but we haven’t been together since then – if you know what I mean,” I say, sharing as much as I’m willing to about the details of our relationship.
“Sounds like you two need some time on your own then.”
The bell rings above the door as a potential walk in client enters, so I nod my head, agreeing with Andrea’s comment. “I’m working on it Andrea,” I say before moving to greet our new customer with as much enthusiasm as I can muster.
Elliot
Ever since we came back from Cambridge, Paige has distanced herself from everyone and everything. It’s a little hard for me to handle because our time together there was amazing, and I want nothing more than to be with her again, but during the drive back to the flat this melancholy descended upon her, and I don’t know how to fix it.
We’re still together in a sense, but not much more besides hand holding, hugging and a bit of kissing have gone on. I’m trying to give her space, but I feel like if I leave it too long, that space will become a great gaping void that I won’t be able to cross. There is this sadness in her now, greater than the one that was there before. I think that maybe she had gotten her hopes up, thinking that when she met her real dad, she’d finally have a parent who loved her. But seeing her mother there ruined it all for her, so now, that hope is gone.
I want to fix it for her, but I know I can't. She won’t talk about it, and I can see that her troubles are constantly on her mind. I thought we had turned a corner when she told me about her family, but now I feel like she only shared a tiny piece of herself with me and is keeping the rest locked away. Perhaps it’s all buried underneath that tattoo.
“Elliot, I think that weights bench is clean enough now,” one of my co-workers, Natasha says to me. I snap out of my thoughts. I'm at work, and I’m supposed to be preparing for my next client but instead I’m in a daze, thinking about Paige.
I check my appointments and notice that I am supposed to be training Agy. Taking a walk into reception, I see her standing around chatting to a couple of other women.
“Oh here he is!” she exclaims happily as I approach. “The light of my life. Isn’t he lovely girls?” she asks the ladies she’s with.
I smile, not really paying attention to their response and lean down to kiss her cheek.
“Let’s get started, hey?” I say to her.
She waves to her friends and follows me to the treadmills where I get her to warm up. Once I have her walking at a comfortable pace I hop on the treadmill next to her and start to run. I take the speed higher and higher as I lengthen my stride, running as fast as I can without the risk of falling off, a gentle hum from my pumping blood fills my head and makes me feel a bit calmer.
“A little tense today are we?” Agy asks, her eyebrows rising as she watches me run.
Glancing over at her, I nod, “You could say that,” I reply.
“Girl trouble,” she comments, knowingly. “It always is.”
Slowing the treadmill, I look over at Agy with her wavy grey hair cut close to her head, blue eyes, that have lost a lot of their light, and slightly weathered skin, I feel a fondness for her. She’s probably the kindest person I have met in the UK, and right now; I need an understanding ear.
I slow to a stop and hop of the machine, wiping my face with a towel as I move closer, Agy watches me with her kind face, you can tell she’s expecting me to spill my guts, and she’s right; that's exactly what I'm going to do.
“It’s Paige,” I start, “we had this amazing day together a couple of weeks ago, and now she’s back to pushing me away. It’s like we take one step forward and then two steps back. I’m trying to be patient with her, but time is running out for me. I want to be with her Agy. I want our relationship to keep moving forward. I’m willing to come back here to be with her, but I'm petrified that when I get back – she might be gone.”
“Have you asked her to maybe go back with you?” Agy asks. We have moved on to stretching now, so we’re sitting on mats as I help her limber up.
“No, she’s already said she’s staying here indefinitely. I don’t think there’s anything for her back home.”
“There will be once you’re there.”
I shrug my shoulders – I don’t know if that would be enough for her. “I just get this feeling that she is viewing our relationship as a short term thing. I know she feels the same way I do. I'm not imagining it, but she won’t talk to me. She's not really letting me in. It’s hard.”
“Elliot, you are such a lovely young man. I can’t understand why any woman wouldn’t want to jump through hoops to be with you. If she is worth it, and you care about her deeply, then you need to make that clear to her – do whatever it takes to make things work. Take her out so you can talk – just the two of you, tell her you don’t want it to be over when you go home. You can’t leave things unsaid Elliot, believe me, at my age, I’m an expert on things left unsaid.”
“Your age? I thought you were only twenty one!” I joke, lightening up the mood.
Laughing, she taps me on the arm in good humour, “Oh Elliot, what am I going to do when you leave? I’ll have to train with one of the boring ones,” she pouts.
I hold out my hand and help her up off the mats. “Good thing I’m coming back then.”
Paige
My heart skips a beat when I walk out of work and spot Elliot in his usual waiting place. I feel both frightened and elated upon seeing him. He is so beautiful in my eyes, that it makes me feel like I'm dreaming him up. But I can touch him, so he has to be real.
As if I need to prove it to myself, I place my palms on his chest as I lean into him and tilt my head up for a kiss, he smiles down at me and wraps me in his arms before tilting his head towards mine to greet me with his mouth.
Under normal circumstances, I’m a decent height, but with Elliot being well over six feet, I feel fairly small around him, I like that.
Smiling as he takes me by the hand, he leads me to the station entry instead of towards the exit.
I look up at him, confused. “What’s going on?” I ask, trotting along after him.
“I’m taking you out. I want you to myself tonight,” he tells me, his eyes twinkling mischievously.
“Ok, well are you going to tell me what we’re doing?”
“Something touristy,” is all he’ll tell me.
I lean into him and go with it. We have barely had a moment alone together since Cambridge, and truthfully, I haven’t made much of an effort to be alone with him. I’ve been selfishly brooding and keeping him away, while I’ve been secretly afraid of what he means to me.
The motel room seems like so long ago and the intensity of what I felt when we were together, scares me. It’s like my life is dependent upon being with him, I’ve never felt like this before.
Sitting together on the train, I rest my head on his shoulder, squeezing my eyes shut as he plants a kiss on the top of my head. It’s such a small and loving gesture, but it feels like everything to me.
Today I realised that I only have a month left until Elliot goes. I’ve just wasted almost two weeks while I focused on my own problems, I’ve been taking his comfort, but I haven’t been giving him anything in return. I’m determined to make this last month, the best month possible, I don’t want to live my life wishing I had spent more time with him.