Waiting for Willa (Big Sky, #3)(64)

***

“Concussion,” the doctor says grimly. I’m sitting next to Max, who has a bandage wrapped around his head. He’s sleeping. He hasn’t woken up since the accident. “He’ll be here for a couple of days while we monitor. I don’t like that he’s still unconscious.”

The doctor says more things, but I tune him out, staring at Max as I hold his hand and will him to wake up.

Wake up.

Jenna and Brad are both with me, and all the others are in the waiting room, anxious to hear how Max is doing.

“I’ll go tell the others,” Brad says. “Can I bring you two anything?”

I don’t reply, but I hear Jenna say, “Just some water, please.”

The door closes behind Brad, and Jenna sits across from me, taking his other hand.

“He’s ruined your wedding,” I whisper.

“Christian’s already called the vendors, and they’re on standby for an alternate date,” she says easily. “That’s the thing about a simple wedding. It can be changed.”

“I’m sorry,” I say and lay my forehead against the back of Max’s hand.

“What are you sorry for?”

“That I’m so weak.” It’s barely a whisper. “I’m scared out of my fucking mind.”

“Hey, that’s normal under any circumstances, but with your past? Willa, of course, you’re terrified. But you heard the doctor, he has a concussion, and he’s going to be okay.”

I swallow hard as Max shifts on the bed and briefly opens his eyes, looking around the room as if he’s drunk out of his mind.

“There she is,” he says, but falls back to sleep.

“The doctor said he’s been doing that off and on,” Jenna says.

Brad comes back with water. “Mom and Dad are here.”

“They were going to surprise you all tomorrow at the wedding,” Jenna says with a shrug. “So it’s good they came today. They should come in.”

They do. I’m hugged and fussed over. I don’t really pay too much attention to what’s said. I can’t breathe well. I’m having the longest anxiety attack on record.

Finally, everyone leaves for the night, and I’m left alone with Max, still sitting in the same chair by his side, willing him to wake up.

The sun set hours ago. Jenna checked in with my mom to give her an update on Max and to make sure Alex was okay.

The only thing I’ve been able to think all day long is, I can’t do this.

There’s shuffling behind me, and I turn to find Cary’s dad, Dan, standing in the doorway.

“Hey,” I say, standing and stepping into the hallway with him.

“I just wanted to stop by to see how he’s doing.” The strain on his face is heartbreaking. This has to be like deja vu for him, too.

“He’s going to be okay.” I let the tears fall now, splashing on my cheeks. “But I’m so damn scared.”

“Hey there,” he says, pulling me in for a hug. “This is different from before.”

“I guess.” I swallow. “I just don’t think I can do this. He asked me to marry him, Dan, but how can I do that when I’ll be terrified every day that something like this will happen again and he’ll leave me?”

I back away and wipe at my cheeks.

“Willa—”

“I know, it sounds ridiculous, but I can’t help it. I would rather end things on my terms than have him ripped out of my life.”

“You listen to me, little girl,” he says firmly, catching my attention. “I’ve never known you to be a selfish coward.”

I flinch at the words.

“If you love him and you want to be with him, you march back in there, and you stick with him. Through this and any other hard times that come along. Because I promise you, there will be hard times.”

“He could die.”

“We all could,” he says. “Or he could live to be a hundred and four. Do you want to miss out on all of those good years? Whether it’s two days or into your nineties, you love him. That’s how it works. You don’t get to run away.”

I wipe my eyes and take a deep breath.

“No one except for Jenna and Brad knows that he asked me to marry him.”

“I’m happy for you,” Dan says kindly. “You’re good for each other. He’s great with Alex.”

“But Cary—”

“Is gone,” he says. “As much as I wish I could change it, Cary is gone, my dear. You have to live your life.”

“You and Jean have both said that to me.” I sigh again. “I just wish I could shake the guilt.”

“You have to,” he replies. “Or it will fester and steal your joy. Don’t let it do that. Are you going to be okay here? Do you need anything?”

“No.” I glance inside the door to find Max still sleeping. “I’m okay.”

“Just call if there’s anything I can do.”

With another hug, Dan leaves, and I return to Max’s side. I’m not a coward. And I’m not selfish.

I’m scared.

With Max’s hand in mine, I lean on the bed, just to rest for a few minutes.

“It wasn’t his fault,” Cary says. He’s sitting across from me in my living room, but it’s not my living room. It’s the way it used to be when Cary and I were first married.