Unplugged (Blue Phoenix, #3)(70)

****

CERYS



The hole left by Liam’s absence was once bearable because I knew he wasn’t far. Now I’ve pushed him away and I don’t know if he’ll come back. Why would he after everything I said to him? Liam’s an amazing man with so much love. I’m just scared he has that confused with his natural need to help. He says he loves me but one day, when Liam’s away from my screwed up life, he might realise what he’s doing and stop.

Craig continues his ‘poor Dad’ act irritating me when Ella is around; and when he drops her off and makes snide remarks about how one day he won’t have to, I itch to smack him. He’s delusional.

I put Ella to bed; pour a glass of wine, and fire up my laptop. My Facebook feed is filled with the usual whinging about life, funny animal videos, and plenty of semi-naked men. A lot of the mum’s decided to friend me when Liam entered my life; I’m unsure why when we don’t talk at school. Perhaps they think I can introduce them to the single members of the band. I accept their friend’s requests. If I don’t, rumours will start over how I think I’m too good for them all.

My phone rings and I put down my wine to pick it up. Liam. So far, I’ve avoided his calls because I’m scared to admit what might happen if I let him back, such as I won’t want to let him go again.

Wine weakens my resolve and I answer.

“Hello?”

“Cerys. Can I come over? I need to talk to you. I can’t do this. I won’t stay if you don’t want, but I need to talk to you before things go to shit. I miss you so f-ucking much.”

This is why I’ve avoided his calls and texts. I knew the first time I spoke to him that the Cerys who thought she was doing the right thing, would be knocked aside by the other Cerys who truly knows what the right thing is. Being with Liam.

Were Craig and Honey an excuse? Is my fear of someone else letting me down, stopping the opportunity to be loved by someone who I deserve? We spent almost six months apart, after years where we didn’t see each other, and reconnected. There’s a reason for this and one I can’t ignore.

“I miss you, too,” I say quietly. “I guess we need to talk.”

“Yes, we do, this is a stupid situation. Can we please sort it out?”

“Tomorrow.”

“No, today.”

He hasn’t given up on me after my stupid behaviour and accusations.

****

The Liam who arrives a couple of hours later is wary, hands burrowed in his jeans pockets. Standing in the dusk is the man who turned my world upside down and filled me with a depth of love that terrifies me. Add to that the mind-blowing attraction I have to the smoking hot man who can reduce me to a bundle of hormones with one kiss, the one who does things to me inside and out nobody else ever could.

“I’m sorry,” I blurt as soon as I open the door.

He steps inside and wraps his arms around me, inhaling against my hair. “I f-ucking missed you.”

I tuck my head under the spot beneath his chin where the scent of his soap pulls me back to our safe place of happiness that we shouldn’t give up on.

“Uncle Liam!” Ella stands at the top of the stairs in pink cat pyjamas, holding her blanket.

“We really need to stop her calling me that,” he whispers. “It feels strange, like I’m your brother or something.”

Ella thunders downstairs two at a time and almost knocks Liam over with a tackle hug. The panicked look he gets when Ella is overly physical with him crosses his face so I tug her arm.

“Ella, you should be in bed.”

“Will you be here in the morning?” Ella asks him.

Liam glances at me and I bite my lip as I slide my gaze away. The connotation of the words isn’t missed.

“I’ll see you really soon. I came to speak to your mummy.”

“Good.” Ella puts her hands on her hips and narrows her eyes. “You made Mummy cry.”

Oh, what? “Ella, bed, now!” I chase her upstairs and tuck the sleepy child into bed.

Liam is still in the hallway when I get downstairs, and the minute my foot leaves the bottom step, he sweeps me into his arms, surprising me with a hard kiss. The amount my body has craved being with him will take over and we won’t get anything discussed if I return his desire. I wriggle from Liam’s embrace and head into the kitchen.

This is awkward, now he’s here I feel embarrassed about the things I accused him of. “I’ve missed you. I’m sorry I told you to leave us alone.”

Liam takes his jacket off and hangs it over the back of the sofa before following me into the kitchen. “I shouldn’t have walked away without sorting this out, Cerys, but you pissed me off.”

I look up into the eyes of the man who changed my world. “And I shouldn’t have said those things; it was my insecurities talking.”

“I can see why you think what you do, but I’m not trying to fix you. You’re doing a pretty good job of that yourself.” Liam touches my face with soft fingers, reconnecting us. “All I’m doing is helping out the amazing woman who’s let me into her life.”

I take his hand from my cheek and squeeze his fingers relieved to be holding his hand. After what I said Liam could’ve given up. If he needed a get out I gave him one, but he’s here.

“Liam, everything in my life is up in the air; I’m scared of relying on someone else again, and so quickly. It’s only two months since you came back. Can you understand why that freaks me out?”