Unplugged (Blue Phoenix, #3)(69)
Bryn laughs loudly and instantly gets my back up. “Define ‘too nice’, Liam.”
“Like, do you think I do too much for other people?”
“Hmm. Does doing shit for people help you feel good about yourself?”
“Yeah.”
“And if, say, a girl took advantage of that and pushed you into marrying her, would you think that was being too nice?”
Honey.
“I guess.”
“Doing things for other people isn’t what should make you feel good about yourself. You can still get rejected however much you do. Look at that chick from a few years ago.”
Kate. My first attempt at a real relationship and after almost a year, out of the blue, she ends things saying I’m suffocating her. Am I doing that again? Shit.
“Remember what you said to me after you ditched Honey on her wedding day?”
“I don’t remember much about that day.”
“Nah, didn’t think you would. This was later, when you were completely wasted.” He snickers again. “You said you wished you’d dumped Honey months ago but felt too guilty, so really your ‘being nice’ wasn’t very nice, was it?”
“Yeah, I get that, Bryn, I’m not f-ucking stupid.”
“You also talked about Cerys a lot and to be honest it worries me. I think you’re going down the same route here. You’ve already moved her into a house, yeah?”
“This isn’t the same. Cerys isn’t demanding anything from me – she doesn’t get the shits every time I go away and she’s determined to look after herself.”
“So what’s happened? Because something obviously has.”
“I think I get it now,” I mutter. But I’m not saying. Cerys is right; I’m scared I’ll get things wrong. So I spend all my time trying to make things right for other people, that if I do, then I’m worth loving.
“Want my honest opinion?”
“Yeah.”
“You fall in love too easily and too hard, and girls screw you over. Whatever you feel for Cerys saved you from getting really screwed over by the last girl. I don’t think Cerys is like the others, but be careful, man.”
No, I need to be careful about scaring her off because Cerys is the opposite of Honey; this woman doesn’t want me to fix her. Cerys doesn’t want my money or a piece of my fame. She wants Liam Oliver. Which means she needs to understand that this situation is nothing like Honey and that she’s nothing like Honey.
“End of counselling session?” asks Bryn, sarcasm edging into the concern.
“Yeah.”
“Thank f-uck for that.” He pauses. “I thought you were Jem calling. I haven’t been able to get in touch with him for a couple of days.”
“Shit. Is he okay?”
“Think so. He’s with that chick from Ruby Riot; they’re probably holed up somewhere.”
“Tricky, if he’s now thinking about becoming their manager, and he’s screwing her. You know Jem; it’ll end in disaster.”
“That’s what worries me.”
I’ve met Ruby a few times when I’ve been with Jem and the band. I can’t figure her out. She matches Jem on the ‘obnoxious metre’, and it’s funny to watch how he copes with her, but she has a lost look that’s uncomfortably like Liv.
“Is Dylan back?” I ask.
“He’s travelling with Sky again and keeping his head down.”
“There you go; we’re not all being f*cked around by women.”
“You said you weren’t broken hearted, Liam.”
“Doesn’t mean she’s not screwing with my feelings.”
Bryn huffs down the phone. “I won’t be your agony aunt so if we go out, don’t whine on about it anymore. Please.”
“I don’t f-ucking whine!”
“No, but when you’re drunk, you do.”
“Do you want to go out or not?”
“Yeah, I’m bored. Time out from the band was a great idea, but six months... I don’t know what to do with myself.”
“Travel, find yourself a chick. Jesus, Bryn, the world’s your f-ucking oyster.”
“A chick? I’ve seen enough of the shit you guys get yourselves into. Steering clear, thanks.”
Either Bryn has a really low sex drive or he’s hiding something. The last time I saw him with a groupie was over a year ago and he keeps his head down when they’re around. Not that any of us bothers with groupies much anymore. I’m ninety-nine percent sure he isn’t gay, so I’m suspicious. Not that I pay attention to everything he does. Maybe he’s secretly screwing around and pretending he doesn’t. Or maybe he’s saving himself for someone special. I laugh, accidentally out loud.
“What’s funny?”
“Nothing, mate. One day I’ll find your secret.”
“Secret to what?”
“Nothing. Try Jem again, about time we got together on our own. Shame Dylan isn’t around.”
As I wait to hear back from Bryn, I watch some boring re-runs on TV and text Cerys. She doesn’t reply and my heart hurts. Our daily texts back and forth from the last two months have dried. The few times I’ve called Cerys, conversation has been stilted. I hope it’s because she’s trying to hide her own hurt and not because the longer I’m away, the more distant we are.