To Love and Be Loved(85)

‘But we all know it needs more than good looks to make it work. There needs to be love. That brilliant, magical spark.’

‘Did you think that’s what you had with Luuk: love?’ His absence was for her another example of the unreliable nature of those strong feelings.

Bella nodded. ‘I do love him. And as daft as it sounds, I know he loves me. His calls are never nasty, he’s always kind; he’s trying to figure things out and, in a way, I don’t want him to sell me a false promise.’

‘We all know how that ends,’ Merrin quipped.

‘It’s true; in some ways I admire his honesty. He’s only ever been completely open with me. And I him.’

‘But he left you, Bells. How can you say you love him?’

‘Because I do! It’s that simple: I love him! And he didn’t leave me, he went back to work, jumped on that big old yacht and headed off to Costa Rica, and after he’d gone, I found out I was pregnant.’

‘But he should have come back!’

‘Maybe.’ Bella looked towards the pram, where her heart lay sleeping. ‘But I’d rather he didn’t if it was only to tell me we have no future and then for me to watch him go again. Glynn is a happy babby who is doing great, and that’s all that matters, isn’t it?’

‘I guess. You’re the best mum, Bella. I’m proud of you.’ Merrin nodded as she sank down on the sofa. ‘And I agree in not complicating matters. Miguel and I are happy, but marriage?’ She shook her head.

‘You’ll figure it out, my girlie, you always do. But don’t make any decisions now, not when your brain is fuddled.’ Bella smiled at her. ‘And I’m proud of you. Look how far you’ve come.’

There was a knock on the door. This in itself was unusual, as every regular visitor knew the door was unlocked and you only had to open it and pop your head inside to call out your arrival.

‘Might be someone dropping off another card.’ Bella went to the door.

Merrin looked at the row of ‘In sympathy’ cards that now lined the shelves and the mantel, feeling grateful for and hating them in equal measure. She yawned and, when she opened her eyes, Bella was standing back to allow none other than Loretta Mortimer into their little home.

It was such a shock to see her there with rain lacing her hair that Merrin couldn’t find any words. Instead she stared at the woman, as if glued to the seat.

Digby’s mother’s manner was uncharacteristically hesitant and she looked down, running her fingers over the heads of the roses and ferns in her hand.

‘I was very sorry to hear about your father.’ She addressed Merrin directly. ‘I brought these for Heather.’ She held them out and it was Bella who took them and walked to the sink where a vase lived on the shelf above it.

Merrin felt rooted to the spot.

‘I saw Digby.’ She hadn’t intended on saying anything, but this came out almost instinctively, knowing it was Mrs Mortimer who had sent him.

Loretta nodded. ‘Yes. I thought . . . I thought . . .’

‘You thought what?’ Her voice was surprisingly clear and steady. Gone was the quiet, pleading tone that had wrapped her words that day in the vestry.

‘I thought it might do Digby good to have a conversation with you, to lay some ghosts to rest. For you to see him settled and move on and for him to do the same.’

‘I am not a ghost, Loretta. I am a person: a living, breathing person with feelings!’

‘I know.’ The woman held her gaze. ‘Digby and his family left yesterday and he . . . he wrote to me. I don’t think I’ve ever mulled over any correspondence in such a way.’ She looked close to tears. ‘I know it by heart.’

‘And you are telling me this why?’ Merrin folded her arms across her chest as her whole body shook. How she hated that this woman was in her home at all, especially at a time like this.

‘Because years on the planet gives one a certain perspective that is sometimes hard to see when you are young.’ There was the smallest smile to her mouth, as if picturing her young self. ‘It’s only age and experience that allow you to see the big picture. Helps you understand the ripples of actions that reverberate for a lifetime. And that was why I acted . . . why I intervened.’

‘You let me get dressed up and go to the church with the whole of Port Charles watching. You did that to me!’ Despite her new-found strength, Merrin’s voice cracked at the memory of her dad walking her into the vestry.

‘I didn’t do it to you . . . I just pointed out the facts. Gave him options; the fact that he chose to act how he did confirms I was right all along. He wasn’t ready and I knew he wasn’t. I tried to see a happy future as we planned your day, but I knew that in the long run I was saving you from a whole lot of heartache, both of you.’

‘You know nothing of the sort. You caused the heartache! You meddled, pulling strings like we were puppets!’

‘For the right reasons!’ Loretta looked up with a hint of tears in her eyes and her bottom lip trembled. ‘I know what it’s like to marry in haste and to live a life feeling sidelined ever after.’

Merrin shot Bella a look, wondering if she was hearing this too. Bella widened her eyes and pulled a face that in any other circumstances would have seen the two rolling about with laughter, but not today.