To Love and Be Loved(89)

There they were, the two survivors of the glorious trio who had sailed the seas, propped up this table and sat for more hours than they cared to recall in the loft of the Old Boat Shed.

‘I’m worried about Ruby. It’s a lot for her to deal with, what with the babby on the way.’

Robin smiled. ‘You have a lot to look forward to, Jarv.’ He sipped his pint. ‘And I remember your face on the day Merrin was supposed to marry that waste of space – what’s his name?’

‘Mortimer.’

‘That’s the one. Good lord, you looked like a ghost of yourself. Ben and I were worried about you.’

‘’S funny, Robin, I remember how I felt.’ He shook his head. ‘Like my heart had been pulled out through my chest and replaced with a rock. I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat.’

‘I know what that feels like.’ His friend nodded. ‘You was in a bad way, that’s for sure.’

‘I was.’ Jarvis nodded, recalling that intense level of hurt. ‘Looking back, it all feels a bit daft. I think I’d never really got upset or angry over my dad leaving, and then to have Merrin, my first kind of girlfriend, marry someone else . . . it was all too much. All of my sadness and all of my rejection came out in one big gulp and it was hard. But Merrin, even though she’s a sweet, lovely girl, she was never for me. We were kids when we knocked about together and I think she was one of the only people to be kind and take an interest in me back then, but nothing happened, really. It was a non-event and I overthought it. It felt like the end of the bloody world, which is more than a little embarrassing. My mum said at the time, “Love can be fickle,” and I didn’t know what that meant, but she was right. When I started spending time with Ruby, it’s like I saw her for the first time, despite having known her for years, and that was it: I loved her – properly, properly loved her.’

‘You old softie, Jarv!’

‘No shame in that.’ He sipped his pint. ‘Not that I’m talking to my mother at the moment.’

‘Not talking to Nancy? What’s she done to deserve that?’

‘She’s rented out my bloody room! Got herself a lodger.’

‘Well, why not? It’s money in the bank and there’s plenty of folk who want a room with a view like yours.’

‘Yes, but that’s the point – it’s my room. Supposing I want to leave Ruby for a night in protest if we have a row.’

‘Jarv, mate, have you met your mother? She’d march you straight back to Ruby’s doorstep with a thick ear!’

‘You’re probably right, but I dunno, I don’t like the idea of some stranger sleeping up there. It was my space. The place Ben built for me.’

He pictured his teenage self mid-renovation, with Ben barking orders that kept him occupied, gave him purpose. And there it was again, that punch to the gut.

‘And now you don’t need it, cos you are a grown-ass man,’ Robin teased.

‘Suppose so, but it still don’t feel right. I’m glad Ben knew we were having a babby, he was excited right enough; used to talk about all the things he was going to do with the boy. Take him fishing, of course, and to the stands at Truro FC.’

‘You know it’s a boy then?’ Robin asked.

‘No! That was just Ben’s intuition.’ The mention of him was enough to fire a bolt of grief that speared him. Jarvis looked towards the door. ‘I keep expecting him to walk in. I keep looking for him down at the harbour or in here.’

‘Me too.’ Robin looked down and, to Jarvis’s surprise, big, fat tears rolled from the man’s chin. ‘I miss him, Jarv! I miss the old bastard!’

‘I know, mate. I know.’ Jarvis placed his hand on the man’s shoulder and let his own tears fall. ‘I miss him too.’





CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE


MERRIN

Merrin’s eyes were fixed on the slowly rising sun, captivated as ever by the spectacle. It was two days after the funeral and that afternoon she was heading back to Thornbury, her train ticket booked. She catalogued the view, knowing she would be walking away from it soon enough.

‘Merrin?’ The call was low yet firm. She looked around from where she stood on the cobbles, surprised to see Heather up and out of bed and standing in front of the cottage, although she was still in her long, white nightdress with her dressing gown wrapped tightly around her and thick socks on her feet to ward off the chill. Her complexion looked a little brighter, her eyes a little clearer. It was a start, no more.

‘You okay, Mum?’

‘I am, but I need to speak to you and your sister. Can you go fetch her and both come inside?’ Without waiting for a reply, she turned and made her way into the cottage.

Merrin looked up to the bedroom that used to be Granny Ellen’s, as Ruby looked out and opened the window.

‘Mum wants to talk to us both,’ she called up. ‘Now.’

‘Bit early, isn’t it?’ Ruby rubbed at her face and yawned.

Merrin shrugged and splayed her hands to indicate she didn’t know what was going on.

‘Close the door, please,’ her mum instructed as she settled into the chair in front of the blazing fire. Merrin did as she was asked and sat on the sofa. Ruby came in, still in her pyjamas and thick socks, and sat next to her. They both arranged one of the woollen blankets that lived on the arms of the chairs over their knees and sat like kids, awaiting further instruction. The air crackled with anticipation.