The Things I Know(86)
‘I’m happy you’re happy, but I don’t want you to get carried away. We need to secure the sale first, and there’s a danger—’
‘I know, I know,’ said Thomasina, cutting her short. ‘There’s a danger it might all fall through, but if it does, when the warmer weather comes and things are a little easier on the farm, I’ll set up my business and advertise it in Bristol. There are loads of people wanting to keep chickens in their backyard – I read about it. I can start up my business in the city. I don’t even need premises, just a van – and then I can save up while I get cheap digs somewhere.’
‘Sounds as if you have a plan.’
‘I do, Mum. I can set people up and teach them the basics and, no matter what you say, I’ve already got carried away!’ she whooped. ‘I’ve looked at the prices for my services and I can set an hourly fee but also buy all the equipment they might need, like a starter kit, and I can get it wholesale, with even more knocked off if I buy in bulk, and then I can charge my clients the retail price so I make money on that too. I’m also going to do the same with feed, bedding, medicines – everything! I shall print shopping lists and my customers can order from me, and I can deliver it regularly, making money on the products and on the delivery!’
‘Well, I was right about one thing. It’s certainly perked you up!’
‘It has.’ Thomasina smiled at the thought that this was the stepping stone she had been waiting for. A break in New York for a few weeks was the best thing she could imagine and, even if it didn’t work out, if there was no ticket from her parents, talking it out with her mum had given her the confidence that travel might be possible! And the irony was, it might be happening sooner than she figured because of Buttermore money – all thanks to greedy, envious Thurston and his idiot of a son, Tarran, and she had never loved them more. She laughed, wishing she could share this irony with Grayson, and then instantly missed him. It wouldn’t make losing the farm any easier, but it would sure be one hell of a diversion. For her, it was so much more than the holiday of a lifetime. It was a marker, the realisation of a dream, quite some achievement . . . for a girl like her.
‘What’s so funny?’
‘Nothing, Mum. It’s exhaustion – it does strange things to you.’
Her mum closed her eyes and ran her hand over her face. ‘It does. I don’t know how much longer Pops can keep going. I’m just waiting to hear that the sale is nearly finalised. I’m worried about him.’
This was the first time her mum had ever directly expressed such a concern and it fired a fearful bolt of dread right through her.
‘Is he sick?’ Her smile faded. This was her worst fear: something happening to her beloved dad before he had a chance to retire, to get some time to himself and to rest his weary bones. She wanted more for him than a life of hard toil ending in death. There had to be a period of rest in between; otherwise, it all felt a bit bloody pointless. She felt an uncomfortable and uncharacteristic flare of anger at her brother, picturing him riding his horse towards that mountain-lined horizon with the sun on his back and a fat steak awaitin’ on the barbecue. It wasn’t fair.
‘Your father’s not sick.’
Thomasina’s relief at her mum’s words was instant.
‘But I can’t lie. He’s under enormous pressure – financial stress, as well as exhaustion and having to deal with—’ Her mum stopped short and clamped her mouth shut. The physical expression of her vocal slip-up would have been comical, were it not that she, Thomasina, was the cause.
‘Having to deal with losing Emery’s labour on the farm . . .’ Thomasina finished for her.
‘Yes, but it’s not your fault, love, and neither Pops nor I would have it any other way. We would rather work ourselves into the mud than have him around being so foul to you. And we could barely afford him anyway, always robbing Peter to pay Paul. You’re not to worry about it or feel guilty about it.’ Her tone was harsh, insistent. And it meant the world. ‘And as for that Mr Potts, you didn’t know him, Thomasina. Not really. You might have thought you did, but soft, sweet words have been spoken by many a man to get his way. You weren’t the first to fall for it and you won’t be the last. As I say, we liked him, we really did, but spending a few weeks in a whirlwind of lust and promises is very different from knowing in your heart that a person is for you, through the good and the bad, no matter what. That’s real, Thomasina. Nearly crying when it’s time to haul your weary bones out of bed for another day but knowing you wouldn’t have it any other way because you get to do it next to the man you love. That’s real.’
She watched her mum look down towards the river, where her dad was dumping rubble from the tractor, shoring up the defence of their boundary, and she felt almost like an intruder on the beautiful moment of admission. She had truly thought this was the relationship she and Grayson might have enjoyed, that enviable closeness, the glue that kept her parents together through the good times and the very bad. But she’d been wrong and it was time to let it go. Her moody reflection over what might have been did no one any favours, least of all herself.
‘You should have more faith in yourself, Thomasina, more confidence. You have a lot to offer the right person. You’re lovely. And I think New York will be a wonderful adventure. You will take the city by storm, my girl.’