The Stranger in the Mirror(33)

“Julian,” I say, his name feeling strange in my mouth. “Is Valentina okay?”

He gives me a sad look. “She misses you terribly. But she’s okay. I’ve done my best. She’s going to be so happy to have her mommy home.”

My hand goes to my stomach reflexively, and then I remember what he said about a surrogate. Even so, how could I forget that I have a child? It seems so impossible, but yet it must be true. Again, I wonder about the person I am. What kind of mother leaves her child? “We’ll talk again soon,” I say to Julian. Then I take Gigi’s hand, and we leave the room and the gallery. As I walk out, I keep my eyes fixed in front of me, unable to look at Gabriel or his family. No matter what kind of pain I’ve caused them, I can’t concentrate on them right now. I have to find my way back to my old life and finally discover what I was running from.





??28??

Addison




Gigi drives my car home from the gallery, Ed following closely behind us. I’m straining to think, to remember something—anything—but there’s nothing. My head feels like mush. I can’t think straight, and my stomach feels hollow. We pull into the side driveway, the one that goes directly to my apartment, and Gigi turns off the engine. When I open the car door, Ed reaches in and takes my hand. “You shouldn’t be alone. Why don’t the three of us go upstairs?”

I grip his hand tightly as we walk up the stairs to my apartment, and I still haven’t let go when we sit together on the small love seat. Gigi sits across from us in the orange IKEA recliner that I love to sit in when I read. On the table next to it is my current stack of books. I know I must look shell-shocked, because that’s exactly how I’m feeling right now.

“It’s going to be okay, Addy. We’ll get some answers now. That’s what you’ve been wanting,” Gigi says.

The panic builds in me again. “I’m scared, Gigi. What if the answers are something terrible?”

“Of course you’re frightened. It would be strange if you weren’t. But you can take things slowly. One step at a time.”

I nod at her and then turn to Ed. “I keep thinking about all the things he said. If I lived in Boston, how did I wind up on the highway in New Jersey? It doesn’t make sense.”

“I don’t know, Addy. Maybe you’d gotten a ride there from Boston and something went awry.”

“Maybe,” I say, contemplating that. “But how could I not remember that I’d had a child? He said we used a surrogate, which would mean I couldn’t get pregnant. If we went to that kind of extreme, it must mean that I really wanted a child. So how could I forget her?” I search Gigi’s face for answers.

“I’m not an expert on amnesia, but I believe an amnesiac could forget even having a child.”

I chew on the inside of my lip. I’m trying to pull my thoughts together when the door opens to reveal Gabriel standing there. I’m both relieved and concerned to see him. “You left so fast. We need to talk,” he says, not moving, his hand on the doorknob.

Both Gigi and Ed get up. “We’ll give you two some time alone,” she says. “If you want to come over later, we’ll be up.”

Gabriel moves out of their way, and as they leave, I hear him thank them. Once we’re alone, we stare at each other, saying nothing for what feels like a long time. This is the man I love and want to marry. How am I supposed to give him up? If Julian comes back with incontrovertible proof, what am I going to do? I don’t know him at all. How do I go live with someone who’s a complete stranger to me? What if I never regain my memory? Am I going to have to spend the rest of my life with someone I can’t remember?

Gabriel comes over and sits beside me. “He might be lying. Or he could have you confused with someone else who looks like you.”

My gut tells me that theory is unlikely, but I nod. “Maybe.”

“We need to check him out, Addy. We’ll do an online search, or even have him investigated. Who knows what kind of scam this could be? We can’t just take his word at face value.” I can hear the desperation in his voice, and I feel it too.

I shake my head. “I think that’s a bad idea. If I read up on him, I might have a hard time distinguishing between what I remember and what I’ve just learned. I don’t want to take that chance.” I touch his cheek. “You understand that, don’t you?”

“I guess.” He gets up and begins pacing the small room like an animal ready to strike. I hate what this is doing to him. I never wanted to hurt him, but all along I’ve had the sickening feeling that in the end I would.

“I want to be here when he comes back,” Gabriel says, looking at me expectantly.

I think about it for a long moment. “I don’t think that’s a good—”

“I can’t just let him come in and take you away,” he interrupts. “We still don’t know anything about him.”

“Ed and Gigi will be with me. He’s going to be bringing proof. This isn’t something you can do with me, and I think you know that.”

He stops suddenly and spins around to look at me, his face animated. “I have an idea. We’ll leave tonight. Go somewhere no one will find us and elope.”

It’s so sweet and crazy that I almost laugh. I get up and hug him, holding him to me as I say, “I want with all my heart to marry you, but you know we can’t do that.” I pull away and take his hands in mine. “What would we do, hide from your family and never see them again? I would never let you hurt your parents and sister that way. Besides, if I’m already married to Julian, I would be committing bigamy.”