The Spitfire Girls(19)
The words came easily to her; she just wasn’t so good at putting them into practice herself. She quelled her emotions as she remembered her own family. Her mother, who’d always seemed so statuesque with her straight shoulders and bright blue eyes, had been a tiny figure, doubled over, at Johnny’s funeral. And she’d been the same when May had left, curled in an armchair, barely even able to look up. Whenever May thought of her now, that was all she could see, and the memory haunted her almost as much as her last conversation with her brother.
Ruby’s eyes had already dropped and she held the letter like a precious flower, greedily soaking up its contents as May watched her. But then her face fell, and all colour seemed to drain from her cheeks.
‘Everything all right?’ May asked, feeling a familiar wave of anxiety. She still remembered reading the letter about Johnny that told her he was gone, and the pain of seeing those words on the page.
Ruby looked up, eyes filled with tears. ‘Can I read it to you?’ she asked, her voice trembling.
‘Of course. Share away.’
Ruby frowned, staring at the paper before reading:
‘My darling, you know how much I loved to fly with you, and I am very much looking forward to flying together once more when I return after the war is won. But, sweetheart, you’ve upset Mother terribly, and I would appreciate it if you could end this little, well, expedition that you’re on and return home as soon as possible. I admire your ability, of course, but I agree with her that it’s not appropriate for women to be in the air during wartime. What must your own family think? I understand that you might be annoyed to receive this – Mother made it clear that you thought you’d have my support on this matter – but I cannot have you upsetting her or flying with those other women. This is a job for men, and, well, I don’t want to discuss the matter further. I expect to hear that you’ve apologised and mended things with her, because I certainly don’t want this to come between us. You’re a wonderful pilot, Ruby, when we’re flying for fun, but it’s a serious business flying during the war, and I cannot condone it.
I am doing well, although dreaming of home-cooked meals, a good bed to sleep in and coming home to you, of course. It’s a thrill and honour to be flying such incredible planes, but I’d rather be home.
Yours always, Thomas.’
Ruby looked distraught as she dropped the paper to the seat beside her, and May smiled sadly, seeing what his words had done to her. She wasn’t surprised that her fiancé wasn’t supportive – far too few men were, despite the assistance the women gave them every day in the air. ‘I take it his mother has been in touch with him about her disapproval?’
‘Disapproval?’ Ruby choked, shaking her head. ‘I think that would be putting it mildly. Her intention was to write to Tom and insist he call our engagement off. She didn’t actually think I’d go through with it, so perhaps she waited and thought I’d change my mind.’ She brushed her cheeks with her fingers, then her voice dropped to a whisper. ‘I honestly thought he’d support me on this. I thought he’d be so proud, and that he’d tell her to sod off. And he’s gone and said exactly what I was worried about – that I’m good at flying for fun. I knew he’d think I wasn’t good enough without him as my co-pilot.’
‘For some reason, men find it incredibly hard to understand the capabilities of women,’ May said carefully. ‘And your man might come around to it, but right now he’s under the influence of his mother, so you either quit and keep them both happy, or you prove to him exactly how capable you are. And don’t for a second let me hear you doubting your own abilities, because I will not stand for it. Am I making myself clear?’ May would have wrung Tom’s scrawny neck if she knew where to find him. ‘And it’s not just me who needs you, Ruby. Our country needs you, because without us? There would be nowhere near enough planes going to the front. There would be no planes coming home from the front to be repaired. Do you hear me? Our boys need us more than they even know.’
‘Yes, loud and clear.’ Ruby stuck her chin out and May recognised the steely glint in her eye, the change in her demeanour as her words sunk in. ‘I won’t be quitting.’
She nestled back into her seat, carefully folding the letter and putting it in her pocket. The poor girl should have been able to happily re-read that letter each night to boost her spirits, but instead every time she thought about it she’d remember that her man didn’t support her. At times like this, May was pleased she didn’t have a sweetheart, for the very reason that she didn’t need anyone doubting her abilities or trying to tell her what to do. Dealing with her own mother and everything they’d been through as a family was more than enough for her and, in any case, she had no room left in her heart. It was too broken to let anyone else near.
‘Do you have a special someone?’ Ruby suddenly asked, breaking into her thoughts.
May tried to make herself more comfortable, wishing they’d stayed the night at the hotel with the Americans instead of trying to make a point and travelling back so late. ‘No, I don’t.’
‘Well, you’re lucky then,’ Ruby said, still tearful. ‘Worrying about them not coming home is the worst.’
May fought not to lose her composure. ‘I’m sure it is.’
Sitting silently, keeping her pain to herself, it was as if she’d been punched in the stomach, the wind knocked out of her as somehow the right words came out, words she always said because it was easier than admitting how heartbroken she actually was, how acutely she knew the feeling of waiting for news, only to find out that a loved one had been taken.