The Spitfire Girls(18)

‘Tell them about me,’ she begged. ‘Tell your superiors that I should be given a chance. I can fly a plane as well as you can and you know it. I can’t just sit here and let our country get bombed to oblivion without doing something!’

‘No.’

‘Johnny!’ she demanded. ‘Please.’

‘You think I could do that to our parents? And you think I wouldn’t be laughed off base, for a start?’ he muttered. ‘Seriously, do you know how ridiculous that sounds?’

‘Just go then,’ she whispered, tears choking her.

‘Come here,’ he said. ‘Give me a hug goodbye. I don’t want to leave like this.’

May turned her back. ‘Just go.’

She listened, knew he was still standing there in her room, that he was waiting for her. But when he came close and touched her elbow, she yanked it away.

‘I love you, sis,’ he called, as she still stubbornly refused to look at him, tears raining down her cheeks for the brother she couldn’t bear to be parted from. ‘I’ll miss you.’

‘I’ll miss you, too,’ she whispered to herself, as she fell onto her bed and cried. When she heard the bang of the front door, she went to her window and pressed against the glass, one hand raised as she watched her brother leave.

May clenched her jaw as she fought the memories, as she relived the last day she’d seen her brother before he’d been taken from them. Why had she been so stupidly immature? She quickly wiped at her cheeks, her body turned away from Ruby slightly, grateful that she had the window seat.

‘Do you think it was unusual that the others didn’t turn up for dinner?’ Ruby asked quietly.

May forced her eyes open, not wanting Ruby to see how exhausted she was, or how much she was struggling. She’d never told anyone about Johnny, about how deeply the loss had cut into every part of her being, and she meant to keep it that way. She’d been quick to laugh, before he’d left; always the one to sit up late with him and his friends playing cards, go to dances, sneak off to run barefoot across the grass down to the river for a swim. But now it was so much easier to shut herself off and not feel anything, other than her determination to keep her girls alive and to help end this bloody war. Seeing Lizzie with her carefree attitude and easy smile had rattled her more than she’d realised. She’d never been rude or full of herself like the American, but something about her had reminded her of how fun life had once been.

‘Highly unusual,’ she agreed, clearing her throat. ‘They’d only been at sea for just over a week, and they’re not exactly here on vacation.’

‘She was something else though, wasn’t she?’ Ruby commented, her eyes wide. ‘I mean, the things she said!’

May raised her eyebrows and did her best to reply diplomatically. ‘All we can do is hope that our newest pilots remember what we’re all doing this for.’

‘Well, I think it’s all just an adventure to her.’ Ruby sighed. ‘I’ve never met anyone like her.’

May shut her eyes again, deciding it wasn’t such a bad thing for Ruby to see her sleeping. If she were a man serving his country, would she be so concerned about getting some well-deserved shut-eye? Sometimes she felt as though she had to work ten times harder than any man, fly double the planes and do it all with a big smile and her lipstick perfectly in place. She imagined Johnny teasing her about wearing lipstick for a flight, asking whom exactly she was trying to impress. It was a weird, bone-deep pain, knowing that he was gone, but still feeling like he was with her.

She heard a rustle of paper and opened her eyes, but it was only Ruby unfolding a letter.

‘From your family?’ she asked politely, glad of the distraction. It wasn’t often she let her thoughts drift to Johnny, and she wondered if it was the alcohol bringing down the barrier she was usually so good at keeping in place.

Ruby smiled across at her. ‘My fiancé, actually. I’ve been waiting to read it since we left London.’

‘You’ve had a letter all this time, burning a hole in your pocket?’ May asked, incredulous. ‘You silly girl! You could have asked me for a moment in private or read it on our trip here.’

Ruby shook her head. ‘I take my job very seriously and . . .’

‘How often do you hear from him? Every other month?’

Ruby’s shoulders dropped. ‘Sometimes. But I’ve been waiting to hear his thoughts on my joining the ATA, so it’s been months, actually, and . . .’ Her voice drifted off as she clutched the letter. ‘I’m certain that he’ll be supportive but there’s this little niggle of doubt in my mind, and I almost don’t want to read it to find out. His mother was furious with me for even making an application to join you.’

May sat forward, her tiredness momentarily forgotten as she clasped Ruby’s hand. ‘Loving your fiancé and looking forward to his letters doesn’t make you weak, Ruby. The more we have to live for and look forward to after all this, the better we’ll be at our jobs. It’s what gives us our fighting spirit.’ She smiled. ‘And I bet your man is incredibly proud of you.’

Ruby’s eyes were glistening with unshed tears. ‘Thank you.’

‘Now read away, and don’t you hide another letter for my benefit. You need to embrace your family, and your fiancé, and any contact you get with them.’