The Rules of Dating My Best Friend's Sister(49)

Warren: Duck.

Warren: Duck.

Warren: Damn autocorrect!

Warren: Fuck! You know, do it virtually. Over the phone. Tonight. I felt bad about how the other attempt went.

My sweet boyfriend. Overcome with emotion, I stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and closed my eyes. I couldn’t do this anymore. It needed to stop.

***

My renewed determination to avoid Holden ended the following evening when my smoke alarm started beeping randomly. It reminded me of what had happened with the carbon monoxide detector when I’d first stayed here. The battery probably needed to be replaced, and I didn’t have one. I didn’t want to have to call him, but this was going to drive me absolutely bonkers and keep me awake if I didn’t. So, I finally gave in and texted Holden.

My heart thundered against my chest when the knock on the door came.

I opened. “Hi.”

“Hey.” He smiled. “I’ve got the battery. Should only take me a few.”

“Great.” I moved aside to let him in, instantly buzzed by his musky scent.

The tension in the air was thick as I stood watching him loosen the detector from the ceiling. Neither of us said a word, which was certainly odd.

When he finished, he turned to me. “Anything else you need?”

I cleared my throat. “No. Thank you.”

He stared at me for a few moments. “Is this how it’s going to go down now? You not saying anything to me while you turn red?”

I let out what felt like all the air in my body. “Even hearing your voice now makes me think about it, Holden.”

“I’m not gonna lie, Lala. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it, either.”

“We took things too far,” I said.

He looked down at his shoes a moment. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. You didn’t force me to do anything. I wanted it.”

Holden groaned and ran his hand through his thick hair. “No one but us will ever know about it, okay? Choose to give yourself a break. I was helping you get a little relief. That’s all it was.” He paused. “We’re still friends. Right? I don’t want to lose you because of some impulsive decision I made.” He sighed. “I promise I won’t pull anything like that again.” He smirked. “I mean, unless you happen to call me some night after midnight.” He winked. When I didn’t laugh, he frowned. “I’m kidding, Lala. Look…my intent was to make you feel good. That was it. You deserve that.”

I cocked my head. “What about you?”

“What about me?”

“This whole dance we’re doing? You act like it’s all about me. But it’s messing with your mind, too.”

“I’m not going to deny that.”

“Did you get off too…the other night?” I asked.

His eyes bore into mine. “You’re gonna have to be more specific.”

“Not sure how to phrase it any better.”

“Are you asking if I came while I was getting you off?”

I nodded.

“I know you, Lala. You’re asking me that so you can feel more guilty if I tell you I did it along with you, right?” He exhaled. “I was turned on. You know that. But I was focused on you, not me.” He muttered, “I mean, I did jerk off after we hung up. But…” He shook his head. “Again…you didn’t do anything wrong. We didn’t even touch. It is what it is. And I do take the fall for it. Even though you say it takes two. This one’s on me. And I’m telling you, it won’t happen again.”

“Okay,” I whispered, feeling no less unsettled.

Silence filled the air again. “Let’s change the subject,” he said after a moment. “How was your mom’s visit? I mean, besides the part I was there for.”

“You want to know the truth?”

“Yeah.”

“It was a little weird. Not only did I find out that my mother sometimes day drinks, which is kind of cool, but she was definitely on to the vibe between you and me. That was unsettling.”

“Shit,” he muttered and looked away. “That whole wedding-dress thing. It made you getting married feel very real.”

“Yeah, you’re telling me.”

“I know it may not always seem like it, but I want the best for you, Lala. I swear, I’m not trying to mess up your life.” His eyes were sincere.

“I feel like you have just as much control as I do lately, Holden. And that’s really not that much.”

“You’d be surprised how much control I have, sweetheart. It’s hanging on by a thread sometimes, but I have control. There’s a lot I’ve wanted to say and do that I haven’t.” He shook his head. “Look, I’m going to back off, okay? This is your life. It’s not a game. And I’m not gonna make it complicated for you anymore.” We stood in silence again before he simply said, “I’d better go.”

Then Holden stormed off.

I lay in bed that night feeling empty, like I was at a crossroads. I could take the safe direction with Warren. In my head, the Warren road was perfectly paved and tree-lined, with classical music playing and the sound of children’s laughter in the distance. It was peaceful and safe. Then there was the Holden road: bumpy with cobblestones and flashy lights, rock music—plus lots of sex. That road made my heart race. And there was a big sign at the entrance that read: Enter at your own risk.