The Rules of Dating My Best Friend's Sister(48)

“Okay…” she said. “So while not innocent by any means, when you originally said you had phone sex, I assumed it had been a little more interactive. No offense, but I couldn’t even picture you doing that, for some reason.” She laughed. “Not that the one-sided stuff you participated in was right. But you literally just listened to something and got off. Sort of like porn. So, it’s not as bad as it could be.”

“It was bad enough.”

“Let me ask you something, though. Is this attraction to Holden more than just sexual?”

The woman came by to take our order, which gave me a minute to think about Billie’s question. I chose the beef tacos while Billie ordered taquitos.

After the waitress left, I returned to Billie’s question. “So…like I said before, he and I have always had a connection. I don’t think these feelings would be messing me up so much if they were purely sexual. Holden is not what anyone in their right mind would consider boyfriend material, but he does have some really good qualities. He’s incredibly down-to-earth, wears his heart on his sleeve, and would do just about anything for anyone. I never feel judged by him. I feel like I could tell him anything.”

Billie leaned in. “I’m gonna be straight with you, Lala. I don’t know how to feel about this. On one hand, I know Holden’s reputation and history would seem to make him a bad partner. On the other hand, I’m a believer that everyone has to grow up sometime. Maybe he does have the capacity to change. I mean, my husband was apparently just as big a playboy as Holden at one time. He’s not anymore—otherwise he’d be dead.” She chuckled. “I guess what I’m saying is, if you have true feelings for Holden, maybe you need to consider pausing your plans with Warren.”

I swallowed. “Cancel the wedding, you mean?”

“I hate to say it, but yeah. I’m not saying break up with him, even. But for fuck’s sake, sort this shit out before you end up marrying the man.”

“Not sure how I end our engagement and keep the relationship alive, though. It’s either break up or don’t.”

“Do you love him?”

“Who?”

Billie’s mouth slowly opened. “Oh my God…you had to think about who I was referring to? Think about that, Lala.” She shook her head. “I was talking about Warren. But in your mind, you were also considering whether you loved Holden.”

Jesus. I rubbed my eyes. “I do love Warren. But I don’t know what that means anymore. I care about him deeply. Is that really enough? I think the scariest part is that I don’t know whether all of this is a phase. My biggest fear is letting go of someone who will truly make a great partner because of a fire inside of me that could eventually burn out. Or worse, it destroys me. What happens then?”

“You might be alone. That’s the truth. I’m not gonna sugarcoat it. But life is about taking chances, Lala. The safe route isn’t always the best. What if you missed out on something mind-blowing because you weren’t willing to risk losing everything? I get that Warren is safe and you love him on some level. But as someone watching from the outside? It’s clear to me that you’re looking for more.”

The room felt like it was swaying. “Yeah,” I muttered.

“Whether that more comes from Holden or not, I can’t be sure. I also don’t want to put all of my faith in him because I don’t know that I can do that, either. I would love to believe he could change, though.” She smacked the table. “Do me a favor. Don’t waste any more time beating yourself up over what already happened. Just vow to do better. Make wise decisions that won’t put you further into a state of guilt. That doesn’t mean taking the safe way out, either, Lala.” She leaned in and whispered, “If you want to fuck Holden, do it. But handle things with Warren first. Tell him you need space to sort things out. Make a clear decision one way or the other. Because it’s this in-between shit that’s driving you mad.”

“You’re right,” I murmured, feeling tears form at the thought of hurting Warren.

“I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know, babe.”

I nodded. “I know you and Colby probably share everything. But if you could not tell him about this conversation, I would appreciate it.”

“He doesn’t need to know about this. I won’t say anything. But don’t be surprised if Holden eventually clues him in. Holden has a pretty big mouth.”

The thought of Colby finding out what Holden and I had done the other night made my stomach sick. I also didn’t want the guys giving Holden hell for anything because it was just as much my fault.

It felt good to bounce all this off of Billie, even if she spoke some harsh truths. I certainly had a lot to think about.

Once our food arrived, we managed to keep the rest of the evening light. After our meal, Billie went ahead of me back to the building because I needed to stop at the pharmacy for a few things on the way home.

During the walk back, my phone lit up with a text from Warren.

Warren: Are you alone?

Laney: I’m walking home from dinner.

Warren: I have no pants on.

Laney: Oh?

Then it hit me what he was trying to do. Before I could respond, he wrote back.

Warren: I was hoping you’d want to duck.