The Rabbit Girls(82)

‘I’m fine,’ is her reflex response, but Miriam is unsure if she is even whole.

Eva covers her in the coat and buttons it up, then taking her by the hand and elbow she guides Miriam out of the apartment and down the stairs.

She finds herself facing the doors of the entrance hall, looking at the lights from outside reflected a thousand times like stars trapped in the glass. Eva passes her a telephone and mimes for Miriam to talk.

‘Operator, what’s your emergency?’ a female voice says.

‘Ambulance,’ Miriam croaks.

She watches as Axel is loaded into the back of an ambulance. He has a white blanket over his legs, an oxygen mask on his mouth and blood all over his face, flaky and darker against his pale skin.

She has a blanket over her shoulders and Eva by her side.

‘How did you get in?’ Miriam asks; her voice is crushed and deep, and very sore.

‘I came by the other day, the locksmith thought I was you, and I didn’t correct him.’

‘You have a key?’

She holds the gold key into the light. ‘I’m sorry, I was worried about you.’

‘Excuse me,’ a paramedic interrupts, ‘can we check you over?’

She allows herself to be poked and prodded, she answers questions and the response from the paramedics is that she needs to attend the emergency department, for observation. They feel the tender swollen skin on her neck, her bright red cheek and the lump on her forehead, and say there is a risk that swelling may cause further damage to the voice box, possible head injury.

‘Axel went to hospital,’ Miriam declares. ‘I am going nowhere near him.’

‘Well, if you have any symptoms of dizziness, vision changes or your neck feels any worse, then make sure you get checked out.’

‘I’ll make sure she does,’ Eva says to the paramedic.

Miriam takes Eva by the hand and squeezes it between hers.

‘Thank you for coming back.’

The paramedics pack up their belongings and say, ‘Happy New Year’ before leaving.

The main hallway is suddenly cold. Miriam shivers uncontrollably and continues to do so until she is back in the apartment. The smell of vomit and rust is overpowering and Eva goes around opening the windows.

Eva helps Miriam wash the blood off her face and hands. Miriam, feeling exposed without clothes on, covers her arm with the large plaster, but Eva doesn’t draw any attention to it as she warms a thick towel. Miriam dries and dresses quickly with Eva’s hands helping her button the clothes where her body still shivers. Dressed in layers of T-shirts and jumpers, Miriam places her mother’s silk gloves on her hands.

‘These are beautiful,’ Eva says.

‘They were Mum’s.’

‘Your father never tidied her things away after she died?’

Miriam’s hands shake so Eva covers them with both of hers. ‘Beautiful,’ she says.

‘I want to keep them that way, and it seems to be working.’

‘Your hands?’

‘Yes, they are a bit better, and I stood up to Axel. Eva . . .’ Miriam sobs. ‘I’m sorry.’

Eva holds Miriam’s hands for a long time before speaking. ‘I saw his face, you did stand up to him, didn’t you?’

‘Yes. Yes, I did.’ The shakes and sobs do not cease until Miriam is sitting with a scalding coffee in her hands, trying not to spill the contents over the gloves.

Eva collects the tiny shards of paper from the floor without questioning what they are, she places them carefully on the dining-room table next to her letters.

‘Where would you like these?’ She holds up the bag of medicines.

‘I suppose the police will want to talk to me, maybe this is evidence? Leave them, I think.’

‘Why would the police come to you?’

‘Because Axel, well, he didn’t look in a good state. And . . .’ She wants to say that they might believe her now, but the tremor of uncertainty pulls inside her. ‘You don’t think he is dead, do you?’

‘No, he’ll have a great headache and a broken nose from us both. He should consider himself very lucky he didn’t get worse.’

‘We’ll get into trouble.’

‘With whom? He was going to kill you.’

‘Will you tell the police that?’

‘The police have better things to do with their time,’ Eva says, about to walk into the kitchen.

‘Please stop, just sit.’

‘I can’t. I have to do things, get things done, if I stop . . .’ She pauses. ‘I was very scared I was too late. I saw Axel come in, I buzzed but you didn’t answer. Your security guard who thinks he is the fucking Stasi wouldn’t let me in.’

‘He let my husband in though,’ Miriam says, shaking her head.

After a silence that seems to reverberate across the entire room, Miriam squeezes out a small voice and gets Eva’s attention.

‘What a mess.’ Miriam shakes her head.

‘Actually, I think you are quite courageous. When I was in jail, after falling foul of the Stasi “intelligence”, I was regularly taken in for “routine” questioning. Solitary confinement, sleep deprivation, no light.’ Eva takes a long deep breath before continuing. ‘Once a month I was taken in for forty-eight hours. It was less after my husband died. I think they were just trying to cement his loyalty to the party,’ she says, brushing the word ‘party’ away with disdain.