The Rabbit Girls(81)

‘And I’ve not forgiven myself, but the doctors said it was no one’s fault. That we couldn’t have done anything to prevent it.’

‘You shouldn’t have raped me,’ she says quietly.

‘Raped you? Raped you? Miriam, I am your husband. Look at you, you are practically naked and throwing yourself at me and look at me.’ He gestures dramatically. ‘I don’t want you at all.’

‘You just want to hurt me.’

‘Hurt you? When you’ve broken my heart?’

‘I can’t hear this anymore,’ she says and pulls on her trousers. ‘I don’t care that I have nowhere to go. I cannot be around you, Axel. Divorce, hospital or jail. I do not care. Anything is better than this.’

She moves to the hallway on wobbling legs then grabs a coat from the rail.

She doesn’t hear him behind her. She doesn’t see his hand raised. She doesn’t see the look in his eye. But she feels his sweaty hand as he grabs the back of her neck, and she feels the door slam her in the face.

‘Miriam, Miriam, Miriam,’ he says, as she reels from the shock of impact and is turned so she faces him.

Fingers clutch at her neck, she cannot move. Her limbs have given up the fight, and the more she tries to push back against him, the tighter his grip, until a red haze falls across her vision.

‘This will not do,’ he says and bends so they are eye to eye. Her back is now at the door.

In a millisecond she moves, lunging forward and up, knocking into his nose with her forehead. He stumbles back and blood seeps through his fingers as he covers his nose with both hands. Miriam cowers away from him, up the hallway, away from the front door to her father’s room.

Trapped in her own home.

He is dripping blood from his nose, his eyes are black.

‘I . . . I . . .’ she stammers but no words come out.

‘If I can’t have you Miriam . . .’

He moves towards her, and instinctively she backs away, but trips over the step to the bathroom. He grabs her ankles and pulls her underneath him. Sitting on her chest he places both hands around her neck and blood drips on to her face. His full body weight is crushing into her. She cannot breathe and although she is kicking her feet and scratching at his hands, trying to move . . .

Nothing happens.

The black of his eyes seeps into her until she is surrounded by his darkness. She cannot see anything.

Her eyes open, yet only black crumples around her.

Her body stops fighting.

Her hands loosen on Axel’s wrist.

She drifts away, into the velvet sea.





HENRYK

I could not find a way to really know if Frieda died, in all those years.

I thought of her often, but I saw uniforms. I heard laughter. I tasted flames and human ash. My feet cramped and froze over and my body refused to move. I sat for hours, rigid, my mind willing my body to move, but it would not. My nose burned and my eyes watered, then dried so that every blink felt like sandpaper, drawing blood-tears. Not for anything could I make myself move, even if Frieda was just across the street.

In the end, after years of torturing myself over my desk with maps and memoirs, to see if anyone mentioned her, the radio came to my aid:

‘We interrupt this broadcast to bring you breaking news that protestors are destroying the Berlin Wall. Although police are present, this is seemingly a peaceful protest. People young and old are using hammers, rocks or bare hands to remove the Wall. No one is said to be hurt, but the Berlin Wall is coming down . . .’

And as if the newscaster’s voice melted the chains tying me to my desk, I stood, gathered a few things in a bag, took out the money in the safe and placed it in my wallet and left the house, leaving the key with Lionel at the desk.

But I didn’t get far.





33





MIRIAM


A voice shouts at her. A voice from the land, way off in the distance. An enormous crash reverberates around her and the noise stuns her back.

The pressure around her neck falls away. She feels the carpet under her back and Axel, no longer holding on to her neck, sags on top of her. Miriam pushes against the dead weight, but cannot move him. She sees a shadow towering over her. She cannot think straight, but knows that someone is there.

Eva!

Eva lifts the intercom phone over her head and brings it down over Axel again. It chimes, and the splintering sound makes Miriam turn her head away and vomit. Axel’s body slumps to the side.

Pushing Axel completely off, she wiggles free.

Eva grabs her under both arms and hauls Miriam to her feet. She sways and wobbles, leans against the wall and slides slowly to the floor.

She watches Eva take off her own coat and wrap it around her. Then wipe Miriam’s face with the sleeve of her dress. She can still see spots across her vision, but she is held by Eva’s arms and sits stunned, looking at Axel prostrate on the floor.

‘Is he dead?’ she whispers.

‘No, he’s breathing, look.’

She sees his chest rise and then fall, with it a grunt. She stands and staggers back, straight on to Eva’s feet.

He remains on the ground.

‘Shall we call the police?’

‘Maybe an ambulance.’

Miriam looks at Eva, whose face is full of worry. ‘It looks like you need one, Miriam.’