The Perfect First (Fulton U, #1)(74)

Ten minutes until we got to campus. I wasn’t even stopping at home first. I’d get in my car and go straight to her apartment. What if she needed me and I hadn’t been there for her? Shit, I was already a goner and I hadn’t even noticed it. I loved her, and that scared the shit out of me, more than I’d even thought possible.





29





Seph





“We know you can go anywhere you choose, but we’d like you to know the offer for the PhD program still stands. There’s a lot of exciting work we’re doing here, and we think you’d make a great addition to the team.”

The wood-paneled office in the math department didn’t make me feel like I was walking into an early grave like some did up in Boston. This room felt full of the history of those who’d come before me, brimming with the possibilities of what I could do in the future. Maybe it was because it was a few hundred miles away from the weight of the expectations and rigid requirements I lived under up there.

“I thank you for your kind words, and I’ll have a decision by the beginning of the new semester. Would that be too late?” Once I went home for Christmas break, I’d tell my dad in no uncertain terms: he either did things my way in Boston, or I’d stay in Philadelphia.

Reece was gone for another away game. The last before the championship. It sucked that he was away, but I’d kept track of the score online.

Turning the corner, I slammed into someone. Earth to Seph, pay attention. The two of us were sprawled out on the floor. Lifting my head, I cringed. Graham.

He picked himself up off the floor and offered his hand.

I hesitated.

“Don’t worry. I won’t bite. You’re not the first girl to blow me off and you won’t be the last.”

Cringing intensifies. “I’m sorry I didn’t return your texts.” God, I was an asshole.

“You were…busy.” His voice is light and not the least bit biting, like I’d braced myself for.

Nodding, I cross my arms over my chest before switching to setting them on my hips, then drop them at my sides. What even are hands, anyway, and why’s it so hard to figure out what to do with them in awkward situations.

“I can’t say I’m surprised. I’m sure you’re not bored out of your mind wandering around museums with him.”

My jaw fell open and I snapped it shut. “I wasn’t bored.”

“You were practically sleepwalking.” The corner of his mouth lifted. “I’ve got class, but I’m glad you found whatever it was you were looking for. You look happy.”

I smiled wide like a dopey idiot. “I am.”

He squeezed my shoulder as he passed and a little twinge that I hadn’t even realized had been there in my chest released. Asshole-ishness avoided.

My fingers itched to check the score of the game. I’d buried my phone in my bag to make sure I didn’t accidentally answer a call from my dad. I needed to get my head on straight about how I’d break this to him and Mom. She was looking forward to me coming back home, but I couldn’t live under the same roof with him again. No one should have to.

She’d let him make all the choices, let him completely run her life, and she wasn’t happy. How could she be? It was like she thought of being with him as the universe’s way of punishing her. That was no way to live your life.

Snow crunched under my boots on the walk back to my apartment. How long could I hold out on my own? I’d never flown completely solo, and when I did, it led to things like the sex ad. I’d tasked Reece with helping me navigate normal college life, and my only guide would be gone.

Kicking the packed white snow off my boots, I opened my apartment door.

Alexa yelped and fell off the couch, tugging her shirt back down over her breasts.

I did a double take. That wasn’t Dan zipping up his jeans like I was an angry dad coming home to find his daughter banging away in the living room.

“You could knock,” she sneered.

“Isn’t this my apartment too? I’m pretty sure I pay half the rent.” And maybe if you’re cheating on your boyfriend, you might want to be a bit more discreet about it. I shook my head, grabbed a carton of Chinese food from the fridge, and trudged into my room. After shoving a forkful into my mouth, I changed into my pajamas. It had been a while since I’d stayed in my own bed. The default was to sleep over at the Brothel. That wasn’t a sentence I had ever thought I’d say, but that place felt way more like home than this apartment ever had. I glanced around at the bare walls and sterile feeling.

What was Reece up to out on the road? Probably enjoying adoring fans screaming his name. I flopped onto my bed, my stomach queasy. He loved life in the limelight. He thrived on it. Even if I wanted us to be something more after the school year ended, how could I ever compete?





*



I doubled over, clutching my midsection. My stomach was in a vise and it wouldn’t stop. The only thing worse than dying right then would be surviving. I supposed that takeout had been a bit older than I’d thought. Lying in my bed, I clutched my stomach and prayed it would be over soon, either my sickness or my life. My stomach cramped up again. I wanted to shout at the sky, I have nothing left to give, but I couldn’t, my head buried too far in the trashcan.