The Perfect Child(68)

I pushed open the front door and stepped outside onto the porch. The cool air hit me and felt good against my face. I sucked it in, trying to pull myself together.

She’s just a girl. There’s nothing to be afraid of.





FORTY-ONE

CHRISTOPHER BAUER

I was happy to see Hannah up and moving around but was a little concerned as I watched her bustling with frenetic energy through the house. She’d been obsessively cleaning the house for three days, ever since Janie had gotten back from Allison’s. She kept Cole wrapped tightly against her chest while she worked.

“Hey.” I came up behind her as she arranged the picture frames on top of the fireplace. “You’ve been busy all night. Why don’t you take a break?”

She pushed me aside. “It’s just a mess in here. It’s too dirty.”

“How are you feeling?”

“Good. I feel good.”

“Do you want me to take him?”

“No, but can you do something with Janie?”

Janie stood behind the baby gate in her room like she was an animal in a zoo, looking bewildered. We’d never made her stay in her room like that before, not even when she was at her worst.

“Mommy made me go to my room,” she said as I unlatched the gate.

Hannah ignored us for the rest of the night. She kept Cole on her chest and moved through the house like she couldn’t clean fast enough. Our house sparkled and shone. You could smell bleach when you walked in the door. It looked like we were about to put it on the market. It was staged to perfection—everything in place, proportional—except Janie’s room. Hannah wouldn’t touch it.

I didn’t know what she did with Janie all day while she cleaned and didn’t dare ask. Ever since the biting incident, Hannah had avoided talking about her or doing anything with her. I understood how hurt she was and gave her the time she needed to work through her emotions, but then I came home and found Janie in soiled clothes.

Her poop had been in her pants for so long it had hardened against her skin like a rock. I couldn’t even scrape it off. She was still in the pajamas she’d been wearing for the last two days. Her hair was a tangled mess, there was food all over her face, and her breath smelled foul, which meant she hadn’t brushed her teeth either. I waited until she was in bed to talk to Hannah about it.

“Can you put the broom down and talk to me for a second?” I asked.

“What? I can talk while I clean.”

“Hannah, that’s the third time you’ve swept the floors since I got home. I’m pretty sure they’re clean. Are you getting ready to adopt another kid that I don’t know about?” I joked to lessen the tension. The only other time she’d cleaned like a madwoman was when we were getting ready for Janie’s home visit.

“I just don’t like dirt. You can’t see it, but I can. Besides, Blue sheds everywhere. I don’t want Cole breathing all that in. We never should’ve gotten a cat. He might be allergic.”

“I don’t think he’s allergic to cats. He would’ve had some reaction by now.” I massaged my forehead. “Can we sit down, please?”

She shook her head. “I ordered a carpet cleaner on Amazon today.”

I raised my eyebrows. “We don’t even have any carpets.”

“We have rugs,” she said like that explained everything.

“Can we please talk about Janie?”

“What’s there to talk about?” she asked, immediately defensive.

“Honey, I know you’re still upset because of what she did to you, but you can’t treat her the way you’ve been treating her.”

“The way I’ve been treating her?” She laughed sarcastically.

“Yes, you can’t let her sit around in poopy pants all day.”

“She knows how to go to the bathroom when she needs to go. I’m done playing her games. Done.” She stopped sweeping, walked over, and locked eyes with me. “If she’s going to be a brat and poop in her pants, then she can sit in it.”

“Dr. Chandler said it’s totally normal for her to revert to babylike behavior.”

“She also said Janie is manipulative.”

I sighed. “What about the fact that she’s filthy? She was still in her pajamas when I got home tonight and hadn’t even brushed her teeth.”

“I tried to get her to brush her teeth and change her clothes. Do you know what she did?” Her jaw was set in a straight line. “She stuck her tongue out at me and said she wished she had a different mommy. I’m tired of pretending like she’s ever going to like me. That girl hates me.”

“She doesn’t hate you.” It broke my heart to hear her talk about Janie that way.

“Really?” She laughed. Bitterness lined every word. “The only person she cares about is herself. And you,” she added as an afterthought.

“That’s not true.”

She gave me a pointed look, daring me to argue with her.

“It’s just rough right now. Everyone’s emotions are on edge. This happens to all families when there’s a new baby. You’ve still got to take care of her even when it’s hard.”

She opened her mouth but quickly shut it again, changing her mind. She turned on her heel and stormed away, taking Cole into our bedroom with her and slamming the door behind her.