The Perfect Child(67)

“What’s going on, Hannah?” she asked.

“Nothing. I’m fine,” I said just as Christopher opened the front door to greet us. He wore Cole in the same sling as earlier.

“Hi, Auntie Allison!” Janie waved from behind him.

Anger burned my insides like it did whenever I looked at her. All of this was her fault. She’d never said anything about biting me. She’d never apologized. Never asked me how I was doing or how I felt.

“Come here and give me a hug, sweetie pie,” Allison said. She opened her arms, and Janie ran into them. “Do you want to come home with me?”

Janie jumped up and down. “Yes! Yes!”

Allison looked up at me. “Why don’t I just keep her overnight? That way Christopher can focus on taking care of you and Cole without having to worry about her. It’s one less thing to worry about.”

“Sounds great to me,” I said.

Christopher didn’t look so sure. “I don’t know. She’s never stayed overnight anywhere before.”

“She’ll be fine. Don’t worry about it,” Allison said. “It’ll be good for her.”

“I don’t know . . .”

“Christopher, just let her go,” I said, moving past him into the house. I needed to lie down.



I wasn’t ready for Janie to come back from Allison’s. Things were worse, not better. Both breasts were filled with knotty lumps. I tried to massage the milk out in the shower like my doctor had instructed, but the water felt like knives on my swollen skin. Percocet barely touched the pain. I couldn’t keep anything down. I lay in bed with a bucket next to me. It was devastating not being able to nurse Cole. Every time he cried, my breasts instinctively filled with milk. Not being able to go to him broke my heart again and again.

Allison had kept Janie for four days, and it wasn’t fair to make her keep her longer when she already had so much on her plate, even if I wanted her to. She looked frazzled when she brought Janie home later that afternoon. Janie threw her stuff on the floor and took off for her bedroom without speaking to me or Cole.

“How are you feeling?” Allison asked. She fluffed the pillows behind my head. I’d been camped out on the couch since Janie had left. We didn’t have a TV in our bedroom, and I needed the distraction.

“Better than this morning,” I said. I’d thrown up three times before ten and hadn’t been able to keep any coffee down, so I had a raging headache on top of everything else. “Thanks so much for taking her. I hope she didn’t give you too many problems.”

She plopped down on the couch next to me, propping her legs up on the coffee table just like Christopher. “Honestly, it was a little rough. Promise you won’t feel bad if I tell you something?”

I nodded. Nothing could make me feel worse than I already did.

“You always talk about how difficult Janie is, and I’ve never seen it. She’s so well behaved and sweet whenever I’m around. Part of me thought you were overreacting.” She glanced at me before continuing, making sure I didn’t look hurt or defensive.

I waved her off. “It’s fine. Don’t even worry about it.”

She looked relieved that I wasn’t angry. “She can really be difficult.”

I burst out laughing. “Um, you think so? What’d she do?”

“First she insisted on being carried everywhere, which lost its cuteness almost immediately. Then I couldn’t get her to use the toilet, and she kept going in her pants.” She wrinkled her nose. “Even the boys started to get annoyed with her because she kept acting and talking like a baby. You know it must’ve been bad if her two biggest fans were annoyed. But the weirdest thing was how she kept getting up during the middle of the night and coming into our bedroom. She’d just stand over us and stare. Does she always do that?”

“She used to do it all the time, but she hasn’t done it in a while.”

“Probably just part of the adjustment period.” She squeezed my knee. “Can I get you anything before I leave? I have to go get the boys from soccer.”

“I’m good. Thanks for taking her.”

She nodded and looked away. It wasn’t lost on me that she didn’t say “no problem” or “anytime” like she normally would.

“Bye, Janie! I’ll see you soon,” she called out. She waited a second to see if Janie would respond and shrugged when she didn’t. “Text me later, okay?”

Janie came into the living room as soon as she heard the door close.

“Did you have fun with Auntie Allison?” I asked.

She stuck out her lower lip. “I don’t like Allison.”

“What? Since when don’t you like her? You love your aunt.”

She shook her head. “No, I don’t. She’s a big meanie.” She looked around. “Where’s Daddy?”

“He’s at work.”

“Will you play with me?”

“Why don’t you go play with Blue? I’m sure she missed you.” I turned away. Her presence was unnerving.

“You never play with me. You’re mean too. Just like Allison.” She stuck her tongue out at me and stomped back to her room.

There was something about having her in the house again that sucked the air out of the room. My heart hammered. I grabbed Cole from his swing and squeezed him against my chest, hoping his heartbeat would calm mine, but it did nothing for the panic surging through my body. I had to get air. There wasn’t enough air around me. I stumbled toward the door as waves of heat coursed through my veins. I was so hot, drenched in sweat.