The Passengers(57)
‘Can I ask you a question, Libby?’
‘Isn’t it supposed to be the other way around?’
‘Yes, but if it’s a choice between spending ten minutes trying to fight my corner or getting to know you, then you win hands down.’ This time Libby couldn’t hold back her grin any longer. ‘What do you think might have happened if you’d have stayed at the bar?’
She took a moment to consider it before she answered. ‘I think my friends would have moved on to somewhere else, but you and I would’ve stayed outside in the garden until closing time. Then we’d have searched for some terrible takeaway to buy questionable meats served in a polystyrene box, we’d have eaten it on the way back to my hotel, then you’d have asked for my number, I’d have given it to you and we would’ve kissed again. Then maybe for the next few days, we’d have messaged each other and the following weekend, we’d have met for dinner and taken it from there.’
‘You’ve given this a lot of thought, haven’t you?’ Jude teased. Libby’s laugh resembled a snort and her face flushed. ‘I like to think that’s how it might’ve gone too. But instead, you disappeared into the night like Cinderella only without the glass slipper. And now I’m locked in a car that’s probably going to explode unless you can convince everyone I’m worth saving. Quite the modern fairy-tale romance, isn’t it?’
She felt a tap against her arm. Matthew pointed towards the countdown clock. Six minutes remained. Libby felt a hollow wake in her stomach.
‘I know what you said earlier,’ Libby continued, ‘but I’d never forgive myself if I didn’t ask you some questions that might go some way towards saving your life.’
Jude sighed. ‘Go ahead then. But would you like to address the elephant in the room first?’
‘Which is?’
‘Why am I a Passenger? What’s the big secret I’ve been hiding from you all?’
Libby tried swallowing her fear but it wouldn’t go down.
‘I’m not sure I want to know now,’ she said quietly.
‘We could spend our last few minutes talking about why we were brought here today or what might’ve happened had we more time that night. But based on the other Passengers’ experiences, the Hacker is waiting to tell you something that’ll likely change your opinion of me. And I’d rather you heard it from my mouth than his.’
Libby subconsciously folded her arms as if protecting herself from the answer to come. Jude clasped his hands together and chose his words carefully.
‘You asked me how I was holding up despite everything that’s happening. I suppose it was because I have a reason not to fear death. Before all of … this … happened, the morning I had planned was going to be very different.’
‘How so?’
‘Because it was going to be my last.’
‘Your last what?’
‘My last morning. I was going to end my life today.’
Chapter 41
Libby took a sharp intake of breath and a step back from the screen.
She glared at Jude, hoping he was making a distasteful joke but instinct told her he wasn’t the type. She turned to Matthew, Fiona and Muriel to check she hadn’t misheard. Their equally puzzled faces told her she had not.
‘I … I don’t think I understand,’ she stuttered. ‘What do you mean you were going to end your life?’
‘I’m afraid it means what you think it means. I’d given the sat nav the coordinates for Scotland’s Forth bridge. Have you ever been?’ Libby shook her head. ‘My brother and I used to go up to South Queensferry as kids each summer to stay with our uncle. It’s such a beautiful part of the world and it seemed fitting to call things quits in a place I’ve got fond memories of.’
Libby’s head was spinning. Jude’s reply was so detached it was as if he were planning a summer holiday, not his death. Her knee-jerk reaction was to try and talk him out of it until she reminded herself of her nursing training. She must tread carefully.
‘I know it’s an intrusive thing for me to ask and I hope you forgive me for it, but what made you reach that decision?’ she asked instead.
‘You don’t have to treat me with kid gloves, Libby,’ he replied. ‘I’m not your patient. I can only speak for myself but I assume it’s for the same reason most people want to end their lives early. Because I have absolutely nothing I want to live for.’
‘But when we met, you seemed so happy, so confident … your smile and enthusiasm were two of the things I remember most clearly about you.’
‘When you’ve had depression as long as I have, you learn how to become a convincing actor. Mine has been crippling me on and off since I was a teenager and, in recent years, it’s become unbearable. Medication, counselling, electroconvulsive therapy … everything I’ve tried hasn’t even scratched the surface. So last Christmas, I made a promise to myself that when it all became too much, I was going to take charge of it instead of letting it take charge of me. And after a particularly rough few months, I made up my mind that today was going to be the day I took back control. And here we are.’
‘But what about your family?’
‘My brother is all I have left but there’s a lot of distance between us. We don’t really know one another anymore.’