The Passengers(53)
The Heidi of old would not have asked if he were willing to sacrifice his life for hers. Had she considered for a moment that he might be able to offer the children just as much as she could? He doubted it. Heidi wanted to keep on living, so why didn’t she think Sam would want the same thing?
Could you really try to steal votes from her to save your own skin? he asked himself. He glanced at Heidi again. When she informed him her workmates had nicknamed her Elsa, he knew why without her needing to explain. Like now, for example. Her skin could have been covered with a layer of frost and she couldn’t have looked any cooler. It was her ability to detach that had made her value his life below her own.
As far as he could see, her only advantage over him was her relationship with their children. His long working weeks away in Halifax meant Beccy and James had forged a closer bond with their mum than with him. Sometimes upon his return, it felt as if there was no room for him inside their tight little clique. But his hands were tied and his time was not infinite. Whether she meant to or not, Heidi made him feel like a guest in his own family. And now more than ever, he resented her for it.
Just the sound of the Hacker’s voice again made his leg start to jig. ‘Muriel, would you like to begin?’ the Hacker asked and the time began its descent. He took another look at Muriel. She wouldn’t have been his first choice as a potential saviour but beggars couldn’t be choosers.
‘Hello, Sam,’ she began, sympathetically, like she was comforting the bereaved. He refrained from reminding her he wasn’t dead yet. ‘How are you?’
‘I’m pretty angry if I’m being honest,’ he replied and folded his arms as if to emphasise the point.
‘Well, that’s understandable …’
‘Wouldn’t you feel the same if it were you?’ he interrupted. ‘Either I’m going to die, my wife is going to die, or both of us are going to die and that’s unfair, isn’t it? I don’t want to live without her and she doesn’t want to live without me and how are our kids supposed to carry on like normal when they’ve watched both their parents blown to bits in front of an audience of billions? They’re going to be scarred for life, aren’t they?’
By her expression, Muriel wasn’t expecting Sam to sound quite so enraged or impassioned. It threw her from her planned line of questioning.
‘Um, you have, err, two children, is that correct?’ she asked.
‘Yes, they’re nine and eight and you couldn’t wish for a better pair of kids. James is the school under-tens rugby captain and Beccy is a very talented singer. Thinking about them is the only thing getting me through this.’ Sam held up his phone towards the camera to show them a carefully selected photograph that included him with a child under each arm, but no Heidi.
‘They’re beautiful,’ said Muriel. ‘As you are aware, the purpose of our conversation is to get to know you a little bit more. Can I ask how long you’ve been married?’
‘Ten years next month.’
‘Are you a man of faith?’
‘I’m Church of England.’
‘Do you talk to God often?’
‘I don’t, I’m afraid. I work away from home a lot so I don’t have much free time for anything. Well, I did believe in Him until I found myself locked in this car and fighting for my life.’
‘When we’re at our most vulnerable, having a faith can be just what we need to get us through.’
‘I’ll be honest with you, I feel as if He’s abandoned me.’
‘He is always by our side.’
‘I don’t see Him. He’s put me in competition against my wife, the one person I love the most in the world, aside from the kids. He must know that I’m never going to try and compete against her, so my fate is sealed. Besides, Heidi is always going to win more public support than I am, isn’t she? That’s just the way of the world. A mum will always be more valued than a dad.’
‘Well, yes and no,’ Muriel replied, somewhat confused as to what the correct answer might be. Sam saw her turn to her fellow jurors and arch her eyebrows like she was asking for their help. ‘In this age of equality, there’s no reason why people won’t choose to support you, is there?’
Sam laughed. ‘I think we both know the answer to that, Muriel. And when you think about it, it’s incredibly discriminatory. Even if a woman carries a child for nine months then gives birth to it, it doesn’t mean she’s necessarily the best qualified parent. It doesn’t mean that as a man, I can’t provide for a child equally as well. Don’t misunderstand me, I’m not saying I could do a better job than Heidi; the kids couldn’t want for a better mum. I’m just pointing out that in an age where women have never been more equal than men, it’s much more likely that she is going to survive this ordeal than me.’
Sam noted Fiona typing into her tablet and sliding it over for an increasingly flustered Muriel to read. The clock on his screen reached the halfway point. He placed both hands on his thigh to stop his leg from bouncing.
‘Would you like this opportunity to tell us a bit more about yourself?’ Muriel asked hopefully.
‘I’m sorry if I’ve made you feel uncomfortable,’ Sam replied. ‘That wasn’t my intention.’
‘No, no, you haven’t,’ she lied, offering him a faint smile.