The Other Woman(67)

She’d sat open-mouthed on the sofa, as I paced up and down in front of her, no doubt boring her with every minutia of mine and Adam’s conversation. Aside from the obvious stress I’d been under, it had been great having Pippa around again. I’d missed us living together, and the chats we used to have. She was the closest entity I had to a second brain; when mine was spouting drivel, hers was the voice of sanity that I so often needed.

‘Are you sure you’re doing the right thing?’ she’d asked. ‘Letting him come back?’

I nodded painfully slowly, whilst wringing my hands, unsure even of my own decisions anymore.

‘But you’re still going to have her to deal with,’ Pippa had said. She hadn’t even been able to bring herself to say the name ‘Pammie’. ‘She’s always going to be there. Is Adam really worth it?’

‘I love him, Pip. What am I supposed to do? And let’s just give her the benefit of the doubt for a moment. She may well be telling the truth.’

‘Nah, I’m not buying it,’ she said, shaking her head. ‘Remember when I joked about there not being too many psychotic sexagenarians in the world?’

I nodded.

‘I was wrong.’ We both laughed.

My mobile rang, and made us jump.

‘Hello?’ I’d still been laughing as I answered the phone.

‘How are you, stranger? Nice to hear you sounding happy,’ said Seb.

I instantly felt guilty, that I should put myself back in my sad box, but then I realized that it was the first time I’d laughed in two weeks, and I’d done nothing wrong, though I reasoned that Seb was about to tell me differently.

‘I’m sorry,’ I’d said. ‘I’ve been in a really weird place.’

‘One that you couldn’t trust your friend to help you out of?’

I’d sighed. I was painfully aware that I’d not returned a few of his calls, promising myself each time that tomorrow would be the day, but I’d still not got around to it and it had been nagging at me. Our relationship never used to be hard work. I could only think of one reason why it had become such, but I only had myself to blame for allowing outside influences to infiltrate the special bond that we shared.

‘I really am sorry,’ I offered.

‘Are you at home? Can I come over?’ he asked.

I hesitated. ‘Er . . .’

‘Don’t worry, you’re obviously busy,’ he said dejectedly.

What the hell was I doing? ‘Of course you can. Pippa’s here. It’d be great to see you.’

He gave me a chaste kiss on the cheek as he came through the door, nothing like the hug I would have expected, given the circumstances. We chatted awkwardly through the first bottle of wine, skirting around the issue that seemed to be wedged between us, though what it was, I didn’t know. He was reticent and unusually unanimated, which put me on guard as I constantly waited for him to drop the bomb. I knew I’d avoided him ever since the wedding had been called off, but then I’d avoided everyone aside from Pippa and my mum. But I knew, in my heart of hearts, that Seb would normally have been my stalwart in times of need, and he knew it too.

He was just opening the second bottle of Pinot Grigio when he said, ‘So what was the real reason you didn’t want me to come to your dress fitting?’

Of all the possible scenarios that had been bouncing around in my head over the past hour, that wasn’t one of them. I instantly felt my cheeks redden.

‘As I said to you,’ I said, in a clipped tone. ‘I wanted to save it for the big day.’ Wasn’t that the truth? I’d certainly gone some way to convincing myself that it was.

‘So, it was nothing to do with what Pammie said to you, then?’ He looked up from the bottle resting between his knees.

‘What? When?’ I said, though I was already being hit with a sickening realization.

‘When you were by the pool in Portugal.’

I turned to Pippa for validation of what I thought he was saying, but she just shrugged her shoulders.

‘I’m sorry, I’m not quite with you,’ I said, hoping to call his bluff.

‘I was sitting on the bench on the other side of the hedge,’ he said. My heart lurched as I frantically tried to recall every word I’d said to Pammie.

‘I was rather hoping, banking on it actually, that when you said you’d choose me over her, you meant it.’

I stared at him, open-mouthed. ‘But . . . I did. I mean, I have.’

He raised his eyebrows questioningly. ‘Yet, as soon as we got home, you told me you didn’t want me at your dress fitting, and I haven’t heard a peep from you since the wedding was cancelled. I don’t want to be a burden to you, Em, so if having me in your life makes things difficult, then I’d rather you just say . . .’

I shook my head vehemently as his words struck a chord, as if I was trying to shake the very truth of them out of my brain. ‘That’s not how it is,’ I said.

‘So, does Adam have a problem with me?’ he asked.

I thought back to how he’d been at the cinema that time, before he’d even met Seb, and his cutting remarks when he found out he was going to see my dress. I pushed the doubt to the back of my mind.

‘Don’t be silly,’ I said. ‘Adam would never feel threatened by you. It’s just Pammie being Pammie . . . you know what she’s like.’ I went over to him and put my arm around him. ‘I’m sorry if you thought I was being offhand for any other reason than, I suppose, embarrassment and shame about the wedding.’