The Lost Man(67)

‘What then?’

Nathan didn’t answer immediately. ‘I don’t know. Lots of things. I’ve made some bad choices. Done some stupid things. That thing with bloody Kei– with your granddad.’

He didn’t go on, but it was such a well-worn path he could navigate it with his eyes closed. All those what ifs. What if he hadn’t been in town that day? What if he had filled up with fuel the night before, and hadn’t run into his father-in-law? What if he’d driven home an hour earlier or later and never seen Keith stopped by the side of the road? What if he hadn’t driven past a man in need of help? What if he had been a better man?

That brought Nathan’s thoughts to a halt, in the same place, every time. The answers swirled lazily in the air above the shining, shimmering road not taken.

‘It’s not just the property, Xander,’ he said again. That was true, he thought as he listened to the purr of his brother’s car beneath them. It was also a silent radio, and the fact he couldn’t get decent workers, and a sea of red bank statements and a broken coolroom and now, he remembered with a flash of irritation at his son as he recalled his locked house, an invoice from an electrical contractor who he had to pay for doing bloody nothing but drive in and drive out again. It was Ilse – Nathan’s mind caught on something again and his train of thought screeched to a halt. He frowned. What had made him stop? Ilse. No, not her, for once. His property? Partly, but that wasn’t it. The contractor. Maybe. Yes. What about him? Nathan tried to cast his mind back to their phone conversation earlier that day.

‘So you won’t even think about leaving?’ Xander’s voice was cold in a way Nathan didn’t recognise.

‘It’s not that I haven’t thought about it –’ Nathan forced himself to focus. In the back of his mind, he could feel something lying just out of reach. What had the contractor said? He hadn’t been able to fix the room. He would have to charge Nathan anyway. But he would knock some off the bill because he’d had to drive to Atherton that day anyway – ‘What then?’ Xander was looking at him. ‘What’s keeping you here? Is it Ilse? Is that it?’

‘No, mate.’

‘Whatever it is,’ Xander said. ‘Is it more important than me?’

‘Nothing is more important than you, Xander.’

‘Then will you at least think about it? Please, Dad? Whatever happened to Cam, to make him drive out there –’

There it was again. That loose thought again. Nathan tried to grasp it and separate out the strand. It was lost in a murky tangle.

‘– I don’t want that to happen to you. Dad, okay?’

A pause. ‘Okay.’ The answer came too late.

Xander stared at him. ‘You’re not even listening to me.’

‘I am. Xander, mate, I am. I promise.’

‘You’re not. I can see you’re not.’

‘I am. I was just thinking –’

‘This is bullshit.’ Xander opened his door.

‘Come on. Please –’

‘Forget it.’ Xander turned the keys and cut the engine dead. The headlights flickered and disappeared, plunging them both into darkness. ‘I don’t care. Do whatever you want. I’m going to bed.’

He tossed the car keys at Nathan and slammed the door. Cameron’s keys landed on the vinyl seat. Nathan reached down and felt the warm jagged metal and the coil of the lanyard wrapped tight around his fingers. He was sitting there alone in the dark with his mind freewheeling when he caught it. The thought he had been chasing. It slid up against him, cold and disturbing and fully formed.

‘Hey –’ he called out into the dark, but it was too late. No-one was there to hear him. Xander was gone.





Chapter 24



Nathan’s passenger seat was empty and, for once, that felt strange. He had got used to Xander filling it out the last week or so. Duffy jumped up from the footwell and wagged her tail as she looked out of the window, but it wasn’t the same.

As Nathan approached the rocky outcrop, the road was completely deserted and the morning sun was climbing in the sky. He glanced again at the empty seat and couldn’t help thinking about the way Xander had looked at him in the pre-dawn light when Nathan had woken him to explain his plan.

‘Do you want to come?’

Xander had just stared at him, then slowly shaken his head. ‘No.’

That was fine, Nathan thought, as he slowed and pulled off the road at the hidden track. He didn’t need anyone else. It wasn’t a two-man job anyway. He’d found the right gap in the rocks straight away, this time, and drove through. At the top of the gentle slope was an empty space where Cameron’s car had stood four days earlier.

Nathan had managed to catch the contractor on the phone before the sun was up. Dave hadn’t sounded happy about either the hour or the call.

‘Mate, it’s my day off. Look, I’m sorry about the coolroom, all right, but I was there like we arranged –’

‘Dave, it’s not about that. Listen, you said you drove out to Atherton on Thursday. So you went along the north road, right? Past my boundary?’

‘Yeah –’

‘What time?’

‘I dunno, I set off usual time so would have been about eight, I suppose. Just after.’