The Lost Man(15)

‘What do you mean by not himself?’ Nathan said.

‘Didn’t have his eye on the ball around here as much as usual, but nothing we couldn’t handle. He said he was tired a few times. I got the idea he maybe hadn’t been sleeping that well.’

‘He hadn’t,’ Liz said quietly. ‘I heard him sometimes in the night.’

‘And he was touchy,’ Harry said. ‘Sometimes looked a bit rough around the edges.’

No, that definitely didn’t sound like Cameron, Nathan thought.

‘Had something happened?’ he asked. ‘You been having any problems here?’

Harry shook his head. ‘Property’s been good. Going well. We’ve had a strong year.’

‘Great. Good to hear,’ said Nathan, whose own bottom line had once again been written in red rather than black. The children’s decorations shimmered in the wind and he thought of his nieces. ‘Do Sophie and Lo know yet?’

‘Ilse’s in there telling them now,’ Harry said, and Nathan automatically glanced towards the door. It was empty. He missed what Harry was saying. ‘Sorry?’

‘Glenn called.’

‘Oh.’ The regular sergeant. ‘He’s back in town, is he?’

‘Not yet, he wants someone to meet him at Cam’s car tomorrow.’

Nathan could feel Cameron’s keys in his pocket. ‘I’ll go.’

‘I already told him I would,’ Harry said.

‘Still, I’ll come with you.’

‘Me too,’ said Xander and Bub, almost in unison.

Liz, who had been staring at nothing, dragged her eyes back and frowned. ‘Bub, take Xander inside and show him where he’s sleeping.’

‘He knows. Same as always,’ Bub said.

She closed her eyes and took a breath. ‘Take him anyway.’ When the screen door slammed behind them, she turned to Nathan. ‘How’s Xander coping?’

‘Okay, considering.’

‘How long have you got him for?’

‘He’s getting the plane on the twenty-seventh.’

‘Oh.’ She looked disappointed. ‘He can’t get the next week’s flight? I thought it was your turn for New Year?’

‘It is, but no.’ Xander would be leaving a week before the court-ordered date. Nathan could have insisted. It was his legal right, secured and well and truly paid for, but he hadn’t. ‘He wants to go to a party in Brisbane with his mates.’

‘How long until he’s back again?’

‘I don’t know.’ Nathan tried to keep his voice light but could feel Liz watching him. ‘He’s got some big exams starting this year.’

Two years of revision schedules and standardised testing and university entrance marks lay ahead, Nathan had been warned, via his ex-wife’s lawyer. Xander would need focus and stability for these two years. He needed time at home to study. Could Nathan please acknowledge that he understood that?

In fact, Nathan could understand that. He could also understand that in less than two years’ time, his son would be eighteen years old. Court-ordered visitations would be among the many relics of Xander’s childhood left behind at that juncture.

The Christmas carols had stopped, Nathan realised, and in the vacuum, he could hear a child crying. He wished the music would start again. Liz turned towards the sound and, without a word, walked to the door and disappeared inside.

Nathan and Harry were alone on the verandah. In the west, the sun was a burning yellow blaze as it crept lower.

‘Between us,’ Nathan said. ‘Have you ever seen anything like this?’

‘I’ve seen tourists do some bloody stupid things,’ Harry said. ‘But I knew Cam hadn’t just broken down, soon as I heard. If that had happened, he’d still be in that car with the air con on, complaining all about it on the radio. Everyone knows that. When Ilse broke down earlier this year, she did the right thing. Sat tight in her car on the north road for four hours until Cam could get to her.’

‘That’s what I told the St Helens cop,’ Nathan said.

‘What does he reckon?’

‘He doesn’t know anything. He wasn’t even trained there.’

‘But he thinks Cam walked away on purpose?’

‘I think so,’ Nathan said. ‘You saw Cam most recently, though. You tell me.’

‘I can tell you there are easier ways to do it. But –’ A long pause. ‘People have done some strange things around here over the years.’

‘You’d just shoot yourself, wouldn’t you?’

Harry’s eyes flicked over. ‘Would you?’

‘Well, I would.’ Nathan had meant to sound factual but it came out wrong. Too definitive. It implied a level of thought had gone into it. Harry was still looking at him, closely now, and neither spoke again for a while. The crying inside the house had stopped, audibly at least. The Christmas carols had not restarted, though. No tidings of comfort and joy here.

‘What do you think was worrying Cam?’ Nathan said eventually.

‘I don’t know. Like I said, we’ve had a good season. If it was something work-related, it’s news to me.’ Harry leaned heavily against railing. ‘I suppose he turned forty this year.’