The Lost Man(13)

‘Of course. On animals,’ he added.

‘Your brother would be familiar with that too.’

‘So?’

Ludlow’s expression made his face looked strangely older. ‘So maybe nothing. But sometimes people make the mistake of thinking a gun offers an easy way out, and it doesn’t. Mentally, it’s a huge hurdle. An impossible step for some people. Sometimes –’ Ludlow stopped and frowned. He turned his head slowly, taking in the view on all sides. The land was enormous in every direction. ‘Is this one of the highest points around here?’

‘This outcrop is the highest point around here,’ Nathan said. They used to call it the lookout, not entirely as a joke. ‘Sometimes, what?’

Ludlow didn’t answer as he took a few steps to the rocky edge. He leaned over. Nathan didn’t need to follow him. He knew what was down there.

‘Sometimes, what, mate?’ he repeated. ‘What were you going to say?’

‘Just that sometimes people simply need a way out. And the direct approach isn’t for everybody.’

Nathan took a few steps and joined him on the edge of the lookout. He could feel Xander watching him. Below was a five-metre drop onto a pillow of sand. You’d be lucky to break your ankle, let alone your neck, he knew. It was nowhere near high enough to offer a desperate man a certain escape.

The other direction, though. Nathan turned and looked past his son. To the west. As far as he could see, the land stretched out, deep and open, all the way to the desert. A perfect sea of nothingness. If someone was looking for oblivion, that was the place to find it.





Chapter 5



Nathan gripped the steering wheel. In the passenger seat, Xander sat with his arms crossed and his shoulders hunched. They both stared at the road ahead.

They hadn’t spoken in twenty minutes, and it suddenly hit Nathan that his son was on the verge of tears. He was holding them back as hard as only teenage boys can – pale and tight-faced with the effort of shoring up the dam – but the grief was lapping at the edges. Xander had always looked up to Cameron, Nathan knew, and as he sat there, fully alive himself, he felt a brief stab of envy for his brother under a tarp.

Before they’d left Cameron’s Land Cruiser, Ludlow had produced a roll of crime scene tape from his bag and looked for a way to surround the vehicle. There were no trees, or even any sticks he could use as stakes in the ground. In the end, he’d cut strips of tape and tied them to the door handles.

‘I don’t think you need to be too worried, mate,’ Nathan had said, but Ludlow had still locked the driver’s door and handed the keys to Nathan.

‘You okay holding on to these? Your own sergeant wants to see all this tomorrow.’

Nathan had put the keys in his pocket, where he could still feel them now as he drove. They pressed heavy and uncomfortable against his hip. He and Xander had driven the sergeant back to the gravesite in silence, where Steve had thankfully finished his immediate duties. The rear door of the ambulance was shut now and Nathan was glad Cameron was no longer in sight.

Steve had eyeballed them. ‘Are you blokes all right to drive home?’

Nathan realised they all looked terrible, but they’d nodded anyway.

‘Maybe we should camp?’ he’d suggested half-heartedly as the ambulance drove away. ‘Save driving out here again tomorrow.’

‘No way. I had enough last night, thanks.’ Bub was already halfway into the driver’s seat. ‘You both coming back to ours?’

Nathan nodded. ‘Yeah, we will. Mum’s expecting us tomorrow anyway. For Christmas on Thursday?’ he added, when Bub looked surprised.

‘Oh, yeah. Righto.’ Bub started his engine. ‘See you at home, then.’

‘Which way do you want to go?’

‘Road,’ Bub said. ‘Back route’ll take longer if we get bogged. Dunno about you, but I can’t be arsed digging my way out today.’ He slammed his door.

Nathan could see Bub’s car a short way ahead on the road now. The dust billowing from under his wheels stopped for a few hundred metres as the unpaved road suddenly switched to seamless bitumen, well maintained and clearly marked with white paint. An emergency landing strip for the Flying Doctor. The smoothness lasted barely a minute before they were jolted back onto gravel.

Xander leaned forward in the passenger seat. In the distance was a rare flicker of movement. A car was approaching, still too far away to see properly.

‘All the Christmas presents are still at your place,’ Xander said, sitting back heavily.

‘Shit. Sorry, I thought we’d be going home before heading to Grandma’s.’ Nathan had planned to get back to his own house today, where they could scrub a week’s worth of dust from themselves and their clothes ahead of the family Christmas reunion.

‘It doesn’t matter,’ Xander said. ‘No-one will care after this.’

No, Nathan thought. But he was annoyed with himself. He’d wanted to make this Christmas a good one for Xander, even if that was already turning into a pretty big ask.

The approaching car was still small but growing more visible ahead. Nathan recognised it as belonging to a long-term jackaroo from Atherton. The guy must be heading into town, there was nowhere else to go. The car grew closer, slowly. It felt like it took an age. There was time to consider the slight bend in the guy’s bullbar and the scraped paintwork on the hood.