The Lineup(103)

If I’m being entirely honest, sometimes I think about the charred ham and what it would have tasted like if it didn’t get set on fire by an inferno of lies. I think about how the wine would have paired perfectly with the rich flavors I infused into that meat. I’m clearly upset over what Dottie did, but there’s also a piece of me that’s upset that I let the ham catch on fire. Rookie mistake, leaving the watched-over broiler for a second.

I think we all know what happens when you take your eyes off the broiler; it eats your meal alive and then laughs at you when you’re crying into your burnt and unrecognizable dish.

Can you tell I’m trying to think about anything but the heart-splitting reality that the girl I was falling for obliterated my heart?

And fuck, what was she thinking coming over the other day? I know she wanted to apologize, but seeing her, wrecked like that . . . fuck, it’s only made things worse. I never want to see my girl with red-rimmed eyes and tear-stained cheeks. It just about did me in, but even though seeing her pained me, I couldn’t quite feel the pain. I knew it was there, harboring deep in my bones for later, but in that moment, all I saw was red.

Anger boiled over, and I didn’t want to hear one word she had to say.

Because in all honesty, it doesn’t matter. She broke my trust and that isn’t something we can recover from. Not when she’s been in the same position, not when she’s been used before, not when she made me believe what we shared, the bond I clung to every second of every goddamn day was real . . . when it wasn’t.

Fuck, just thinking about it again has my stomach hollowing out in nausea.

“Hey, what are you two doing?” Milly asks, saddling up next to Carson and placing a sweet kiss on the side of his cheek.

Glad they’re in love. Sense the sarcasm?

What I wouldn’t give to have that kind of affection right now. I almost ask Carson if he’ll kiss my temple and lovingly stroke my pec but think better of it. I’m pretty sure I know what the answer would be, even in my vulnerable state. Maybe ten days ago, right after everything went down, he might have petted my head for a brief moment, but now, he’s probably thinking I should have gotten over everything.

The heart doesn’t work that fast unfortunately.

“Carson is making fun of my sweater,” I say, popping a black olive in my mouth.

Milly leans over to look at it. “Is that cross-stitch?”

I rub my palm over the intricate stitching. “It is.”

“It’s . . . nice.”

“Why, thank—”

“She’s being polite, dude,” Carson says, eating another scallop. “There was a pause in her sentence. She hates it.”

“I don’t hate it,” Milly says, but then doesn’t continue. She doesn’t love it, that’s for damn sure.

“Fine.” I reach behind me, pull my sweater over my head, drop it on the floor, and then bury my hands in my hair. “Happy? Now my nipples are going to get hard from being cold.”

“Why is your shirt off?” Knox asks, standing on the other side of the countertop to indulge in some appetizers.

“Everyone hates it, so I’d rather be naked.”

“I liked it,” Knox says casually.

“Really?” I perk up.

“No.” He laughs and shakes his head. “Hideous, man.”

Growing angry, I say, “Don’t you see I’m suffering here? My heart is broken, and you assholes are being jerks. Don’t kick a man when he’s down.”

“He’s right,” Emory says, rubbing my back and reaching over to grab an olive. “Jason needs our love right now, not our jokes.”

I thumb toward Emory. “She gets it.”

“How are you doing, Jason?”

“Not great,” I admit. “I can’t even look at her without getting angry. She came over the other day to talk to me.”

“What did she say?” Knox asks.

“Just that she told the Carltons the truth. Like, good for you, thumbs up, you still fucked me over.”

“That’s all she said?” Emory asks, looking confused.

“It’s all I let her say before I closed the door. Honestly, there’s nothing she can say that will make me feel better. When I read the email from her dad, I was stunned. I’ve never felt so embarrassed, so humiliated. I was cooking for her business meeting, bare-ass naked, and she was only using me for her own personal gain.”

“Why were you naked?” Carson asks. Of course, that’s what he focuses on.

“Because cooking naked is sexy. Try it, it will spice up your marriage,” I say, waving my hand in his direction.

“Our marriage doesn’t need spicing up, isn’t that right, Milly? Just this morning the turkey wasn’t the only thing that was stuffed.”

Everyone turns to her as her face immediately lights up in a bright shade of red.

“Don’t torture the poor girl,” Lindsay says from the living room where she’s playing Candy Land with her son and Mama G.

“I think we need to forget about the whole Dottie thing, okay? I’ve moved on.”

“What?” Emory asks. “Are you dating someone else?”

“No.” I shake my head while picking up a pickle. Sweet, of course, because Carson brought the pickles. “But I heard if you say things into the universe, they come true. Setting intentions.”