The Lineup(99)

Lindsay: That tears my heart out. He’s such a sweet, amazing guy.

Dottie: I know. Okay, I KNOW! I fucked up and if I could, I’d take everything back. I don’t need you two rubbing it in my face.

Emory: We’re not rubbing it in your face, we’re making sure you drop that shield of yours and allow yourself to feel the pain you caused him.

Lindsay: You’re so guarded all the time. It’s important to allow yourself to feel, to know that there are people out there who you hurt with your actions.

Dottie: Are you trying to say I’m heartless?

Emory: No. But you are clueless. Please don’t be clueless about this. Jason was perfect for you. Everything you needed and so much more. You need to find a way to make this right.

Dottie: And how would you suggest that?

Lindsay: That’s for you to figure out. But we’ve known each other for a long time and this is the first time I’m not taking your side. #TeamJason

Dottie: You don’t have to be an asshole, Lindsay.

Emory: Lindsay is right. You truly messed up. You can’t blame anyone but yourself. I love you, but I’m afraid I’m Team Jason too.

Dottie: So I lost my man and my best friends. Great.

Lindsay: Your man . . . see? You couldn’t even say boyfriend. I know you’ve been burned in the past, but that doesn’t mean you close yourself off to everyone. You might have thought you were giving yourself over to Jason but you still held him at arm’s length. All he wanted was for you to be honest with him and accept him for who he is.

Dottie: I do accept him.

Emory: But accepting him means that you know he needs a deeper connection where you’re concerned. You kept it surface level with him. And it led to this, never fully trusting him with your truth, with your heart.

Dottie: Because I was hurt.

Lindsay: By other men. Other men hurt you, Dottie. Not Jason. That was your mistake, by sticking Jason in the same group as the men you once dated, you never gave him a chance.

Dottie: I only didn’t tell him about the Carltons. I gave him my entire self.

Emory: Don’t you see it? If you gave him all of you, then you would have told him, but you were still holding back in case he hurt you. He never had a chance.

Lindsay: I love you, but she’s right.

I toss my phone to the side, annoyed with the conversation, and try to shut my eyes, but even shut they burn from all the tears I’ve shed the past two days.

Are they right? Did I not truly give myself to Jason?

I was scared of losing him. Or was I scared of him seeing my true colors, the determined businesswoman I am? Because what if after he saw my true self he wouldn’t want to be with me anymore?

That seems more accurate than being scared, because I’ve been scared before, and it’s never truly affected my decisions. But with Jason, it was different.

Because he was different.

Rolling to my back, I stare at the ceiling and suck in a large breath.

I fucked up my relationship with Jason.

I fucked over this deal with the Carltons by cancelling with them.

I am slowly killing my career with my terrible choices.

And lastly, once again, I’ve let my dad down. Caused him more discomfort and embarrassment.

All because of what? A man in my past who mistreated me? Tarnished my reputation.

A man who I trusted, who lied to me, and broke me . . . just like I did to Jason.

And that realization strikes me harder than any other thought as Jason’s words return.

You should know the anguish, the heartache, the unfiltered pain it causes to find out you aren’t loved, you aren’t cared for . . . you’re just a pawn in someone’s game.

Deep in my soul, I know that’s not how I treated things with Jason, but from the outside looking in, from his perspective, dealing with a woman who unintentionally kept him at arm’s length emotionally, yeah . . . I can see where he’d wholeheartedly believe I lied for my own gain.

I pick up my phone again and scroll through Emory and Lindsay’s texts, feeling less defensive and more responsive to what they’re saying. It’s time I take responsibility for my actions, or lack thereof, and it starts with telling the truth because the lies have done enough damage.





“Mr. and Mrs. Carlton are here to see you,” Jessica says, stepping into my doorway with a knock.

Being in the high-powered position I am in my dad’s company, I’ve always prided myself on never being nervous, of being able to stay cool and calm through any business deal or interaction, but right now, I’m sweating.

I woke up this morning not wanting to get out of bed. I wanted to continue wallowing in my pain by looking through the pictures we took at the amusement park, something I did all weekend. But I knew I had responsibilities and it started with talking to the Carltons.

Wiping my hand on my dress pants, I stand from my chair. “Please show them in.”

Clouded with uneasiness, I stiffen my back and face the music. This moment is going to cost me the biggest deal of my career, possibly my job, damage my relationship with my dad, but I know it’s the right thing to do.

Hands linked in front of me, I give Mr. and Mrs. Carlton a soft smile as they enter my office. We exchange greetings with handshakes, and I set them up with some drinks as we take a seat in my office that overlooks the Chicago skyline.

When I decided on telling them the truth, I knew it would be hard. I’m putting not only my name on the line, but my dad’s, and it’s why I asked him to meet us here as well.