The Guilt Trip(86)
The wind is whipping up again, and hearing the sound of the Atlantic waves crashing against the underside of the structure they’re standing on makes Rachel shiver. She can no longer see the caves further along the cove, lost to the dark and the rising tide that is steadily climbing the cliff face.
She glances around for Jack, but doesn’t want to see him, because she doesn’t know how to look at him anymore. If she sees Paige, there’s no way she can disguise what she now knows and the thought of having to go back to the same house, and then travel home tomorrow on the same plane, fills her with a dread so unsurmountable that she can’t even begin to comprehend it. It’s almost as if something even bigger than what she’s dealing with needs to put itself between the now and then, because without it, she can’t see a way through.
“Oh my God,” cries Ali. “But how…?”
“It’s okay,” says her mum, pulling her in tight. “It’s going to be okay.”
Rachel looks on with a sense of dismay. It must be her grandmother, who was too unwell to travel. Her heart breaks along with Ali’s.
“But how could that happen?” asks Ali.
“I don’t know,” says Maria, as the pair of them look fervently at a phone. “But it’s definitely come from her.”
Rachel can see the rising panic behind Ali’s flickering eyes as she looks around.
“Chrissy!” she calls out, having to shout above the sound of the sea and bass of the music that’s still playing inside. “Chrissy!”
“Is everything okay?” asks Rachel, going over to her, feeling compelled to offer help in any way she can. Though, she can’t dispel the growing sensation that this might have something to do with her. It seems that everything has something to do with her.
Ali looks at her, with wide eyes, as if momentarily weighing whether she can be trusted or not. Rachel nods at her, to silently assure her that she can.
“What is it?” she asks gently, putting an arm around her shoulders. She looks to Maria, who has tears in her eyes.
Ali shows Rachel her mother’s phone where the photo of her and Chrissy as teenagers is presented in glorious technicolor.
“I don’t understand,” says Rachel. “What’s the problem?”
“Th-that’s…” starts Ali, before looking to her mum, who nods slowly. “That’s me.”
“Yeah, I know,” says Rachel ambivalently.
Ali’s mouth drops open and she physically takes a step backward, holding a hand to her chest. “How do you know?”
“Because Chrissy showed me earlier,” says Rachel, without thinking. Though, even if she had, she’d have never been able to foresee the problem.
Ali looks at her mum, unable to stop her bottom lip from sticking out. Giant tears teeter on the rims of her eyes, reminding Rachel of a six-year-old Josh, when a bully had stopped him from using the slide in the park.
“How could she?” cries Ali.
“Who?” asks Rachel, still none the wiser what the problem is. “What’s happened?”
“Look!” says Ali, her voice high-pitched. She swipes down from the photo of her and Chrissy to show one of her today, in her wedding dress, with the text message, “The two faces of Ali Foley. Who knew?!?”
Rachel looks at it, confused. “Chrissy sent you this?”
“Erm, Ali…” says Kimberley hesitantly, as she approaches them with her phone in her hand.
Rachel knows what’s coming.
“I’m not sure why, but I’ve just received this…” She shows them the screen with the same message and images.
“Sh-she’s sent it to you too?” cries Ali, hoarsely. “So, who else…? Who else has she sent it to?” Her arms flail and she spins around with her hands on her head.
“Darling, please,” says her mum. “Please try to stay calm.”
“How can I?” says Ali. “I’ve spent all my life trying to leave that time behind and now it’s back to haunt me … on my wedding day!”
“It was a long time ago,” says Maria. “You don’t ever have to go back there again.”
“Is that why you were bullied?” asks Rachel, unable to understand why kids are so cruel to each other.
Ali nods.
“She’s always struggled with her weight,” says Maria. “It was only a few years ago, after the accident, that she decided to do something about it.”
“But you told me that you never had to worry about what you ate,” Rachel says to Ali gently.
“Because I didn’t want you to think any differently of me,” says Ali.
“But I would never have,” offers Rachel.
Maria takes her daughter’s hand. “You have to understand that it was a life that she worked hard to get away from. She never had anything to be ashamed of in her appearance, but she couldn’t stand how it reminded her of being bullied. She never learned to love herself the way she looked back then, and so she left the physical person that made her so unhappy behind and forged a new identity. She created a persona she could feel proud of and what you see now is that woman. She wears the clothes she wears because she never dreamed she’d be able to, and she speaks her mind because she’s not used to anyone listening. She’s always felt invisible and now she feels seen.”