The Guilt Trip(85)

Rachel refrains from going to her, a part of her still not convinced that she’s telling the truth. Yet how can she not be?

Tears spring to Rachel’s eyes as she realizes that all the time she thought Paige was looking out for her, feigning concern that something was going on between Ali and Jack, she was only ever protecting her own interests. She clenches and unclenches her hands, desperate to feel something in her numb stupor.

“Does Will know…?” she whispers. “Does he know what’s going on?”

Ali shakes her head. “I haven’t told him because I was hoping that Jack would come to his senses. I thought if Paige was out of the picture, we could go back to how the four of us used to be and I didn’t want Will to lose respect for his brother. Though, I’m beginning to regret that now because if I’d been honest from the outset, he wouldn’t have insisted she come to the wedding, and we wouldn’t find ourselves in this situation.”

Rachel looks at her through blurry eyes.

“What are you going to do?” asks Ali.

Rachel sniffs and wipes her nose with the back of her hand. “First, apologize,” she says. “I’ve thought the very worst of you, only to find out that you’re probably one of the kindest, most considerate people I know.”

Ali looks at her suspiciously, waiting for the killer blow that’s sure to follow.

“I’ll deal with Jack and Paige in my own way,” Rachel goes on. “But I just want to ask you one more thing.”

“Sure,” says Ali, quietly.

“That thing with Noah,” says Rachel, not knowing how best to broach it. “Whatever you may have seen or heard last night wasn’t what it looked like.”

“Noah’s a lovely man,” says Ali.

“Yes, he is,” says Rachel. “We go back a long way.”

Ali nods her head knowingly. “You must have made quite a pair.”

Rachel doesn’t like her intonation. Among everything else that’s going on, she could really do with knowing that whatever Ali thinks might be going on between her and Noah is nothing more than it is.

“We’re good friends,” says Rachel.

“You know he’s still in love with you, don’t you?”

Rachel looks around, panicked, as if that’s the line in this whole conversation she doesn’t want anyone to overhear.

“I…” she starts. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“It’s not a crime to have had other relationships before getting married,” says Ali. “But it is a crime not to follow your heart.”

“It’s not like that,” says Rachel.

“I think you’ll find it is for Noah,” says Ali.

Rachel feels fresh tears spring to her eyes.

“And I don’t doubt that you feel the same,” Ali goes on.

Rachel pulls herself up, waiting for the autopilot she’s trained so well to kick in. She’d come to rely on it over the years, to protect her from the feeling she got whenever she’d see Noah and Paige together. In the beginning, it was like a red-hot poker being driven into her chest; a pain so intense that she didn’t think she could be part of his life anymore. But the thought of never seeing him again was too much to bear, and so she had learned to build an invisible barrier around herself, that had, until now, kept her true feelings at bay.

“It’s not like that,” she says again, though with little conviction.

“You’ve not done anything wrong,” says Ali.

Rachel’s eyes fill with tears. “I have,” she says, wiping them away as they fall onto her cheeks.

“Do you know for sure that Josh isn’t Noah’s son?” asks Ali, looking at her intently.

The weight of the question bears down on her, pinning her to the wall. So she had heard it all.

“No. I don’t know—he might be—but I don’t think so. I just…” She falls to the ground with her head in her hands.

“Ssh,” says Ali, coming to kneel beside her. “You did what you thought was right. I’d have done the same, and if anyone tells you any different, they’re lying.”

“Ali?” calls out a voice that sounds like her mum. “Are you out here?”

“Coming!” Ali shouts back. “Will you be okay?” she adds sincerely.

Rachel nods as she pulls herself up and brushes her dress down. “I’ll be fine.” She sniffs, wiping under her eyes. “Thank you for everything that you’ve tried to do for me, even when I couldn’t have been easy to help.”

“I’m just sorry I couldn’t do what I set out to do,” says Ali, pulling her in for a hug. “But I’m always here if you want to talk.”

“Ali, come on,” shouts her mum. “The fireworks are about to start.”

“Go on,” says Rachel, forcing a smile. “Go and enjoy yourself. It’s your wedding day.”

“Are you sure?” asks Ali, reluctant to leave her.

“Yes,” says Rachel. “Go and start your new life, because this part’s over.”

They squeeze each other’s hands, and Ali’s gone.





25



Everyone is out on the terrace by the time Rachel feels strong enough to emerge from her hiding place. She’s surprised to see that, while her entire life has crashed down around her ears, everyone else is still going about theirs, without a care in the world.