The First Mistake(81)

He attempts to laugh. ‘I wish I knew. Around one. Maybe two.’ He sounds more unsure with every number.

‘So you weren’t with her?’ asks Alice, surprising even herself. Of all the times and places she’d imagined having this conversation, it wasn’t now, in a bank queue. She wishes she could suck it back in, but the best she can hope for is that he didn’t hear her.

‘Her?’ he repeats, as if he’s hoping he’s misheard.

Alice turns to look at him, jutting her chin out in an act of defiance. She doesn’t say anything because she doesn’t trust her voice.

‘Are we honestly going to go there again?’ he asks incredulously, under his breath.

‘I haven’t even started,’ hisses Alice.

He throws his arms up in the air. ‘What are you going to accuse me of this time?’

‘I saw the text,’ is all she says.

Nathan looks around, checking who’s in listening distance. A mum with a noisy toddler is in front of them and an elderly gentleman is a few feet behind them. Neither will be able to hear very much.

‘What text?’ he says.

‘The text from her.’ She almost spits it out. ‘The one where she begs for you.’

Nathan shakes his head and looks at her as if to say, Poor Alice, you need help. She remembers a nurse doing the very same thing when she was in the unit, and how she used to fantasize that when she got out, she’d break into her house and just sit there in the corner of her front room. She wouldn’t speak, just slowly shake her head and pull her mouth into a pitying smirk.

Alice opens the photos on her phone and hands him the screenshot of the text he’d received in Japan. She watches as the colour drains from his cheeks.

‘Did you go to her Nathan? Did you give her what she needed?’

She’s never seen him speechless before. He always has just the right words for every situation. But not for this one, it seems.

‘I didn’t want to tell you,’ he starts, and Alice can already feel the tightening at the back of her throat that signals tears are imminent.

‘I can’t do this here,’ she says, turning and striding out of the bank.

Nathan catches up with her outside and forcibly pushes her into an alley, out of sight of shoppers.

‘Listen to me,’ he says, authoritatively. ‘I don’t know who she is.’

Alice laughs and cries simultaneously. ‘Are you serious? You’re honestly expecting me to believe that?’

‘I didn’t want to tell you because I didn’t want to worry you. I’ve had three or four similar texts, all from the same number, but I don’t know who it is.’

Alice wipes her nose with the back of her hand. ‘I can’t believe this is the tack you’re going to take. I expected more from you, Nathan. You’re an intelligent man – I thought you’d have your excuses all ready to go, but I’m truly disappointed that that’s all you’ve got to offer.’

He takes hold of her shoulders, his face just a few centimetres away from her. ‘You need to believe me because it’s true. I’ve tried calling the number again and again, but it just rings. I’ve texted it but had no response.’

‘And yet there’s nothing on your phone to prove your story,’ says Alice. ‘In fact, there’s no trace of anything apart from the one message that I saw. No attempt by you to find out who it is. No attempt to block the number. Nothing, apart from a dirty text.’

He gets his phone out, scrolls through his recent calls and turns the screen to face Alice. ‘Look, there,’ he says, jabbing a finger at a number. ‘I’ve called it fifteen times today alone.’

‘God, you must be crazy about her,’ snorts Alice derisively.

‘For fuck’s sake, I don’t know who it is,’ he says as he rakes a hand manically through his hair. ‘Here, take it, try it yourself. If we’re having some mad passionate affair, you’d assume she’d pick up as soon as she sees it’s me.’

Alice nods numbly.

‘Well, go on then. Call it. See what happens.’

Just as Nathan had predicted, the line rings out.

‘What more do I have to do?’ he asks, his frustration evident. ‘I do everything I can to be the man you want, the man you need, but I still get it thrown back in my face. The only thing you make me feel I’m doing right is being a father. Nothing else is ever good enough for you.’

Alice wipes away the tears from her cheeks. Is she asking for too much? Expecting a fairy tale that doesn’t exist?

‘Look, I understand how it must look right now,’ Nathan goes on, ‘and if I’d known you’d seen the text then I would have explained sooner. I don’t know what’s going on or who’s messing with me, but I promise you I’m not having an affair. You and the girls are my world.’

Alice allows Nathan to pull her into him because, despite everything, she needs to be held.

‘You need to find out who’s doing this,’ she says into his chest.

‘Don’t worry, I will,’ he says. ‘Now let’s go back into the bank and do what we came here to do.’





39


‘Okay, okay, no running,’ Alice calls out from the kitchen, as ten overexcited nine-year-olds race in from the garden and up the stairs. ‘Livvy, not upstairs please. There’s more people at the door.’