The Certainty of Violet & Luke(29)

Violet.

She consumes me more than anything else. I worry about her, want her near me at all times, but that’s kind of been a problem since she seems to be putting some space between us ever since the night at the police station. I’m not sure if it has to do with my mom or that my mouth didn’t want to shut up; that all that emotional shit I put on her was too much.

Still, if I had my way, I’d take her everywhere with me. Besides, it’d be good for her. She’s been spending too much time cooped up in our room, especially since the news of my mother being arrested hit the news. Somehow a reporter or two found out that Mira was my mother and that Violet and I were dating and things went batshit crazy. Phone calls, knocks on the door, all wanting to ask their questions. I’ve wanted to punch one or two in the face, but have resisted the urge, even though it’s hard as hell, the need to protect Violet always burning in me.

‘Dude, your mind is f*cking gone, isn’t it’ Seth says. We’re out on the balcony smoking and he’s sipping on a beer while I’m drinking a soda.

I rub my hand over my hair, scattering ashes all over myself. ‘Yeah, I know.’ I brush the ashes off the sleeve of my grey shirt. ‘I’ve just been thinking a lot about stuff.’

He rests his arms on the railing, the cigarette smoke lacing the air. ‘Violet stuff?’ he questions and when I nod, he adds, ‘What is it with you two? You both refuse to tell anyone what’s going on with the police and stuff, but Greyson and I can tell there’s some huge shit going on. And Violet comes home with a cast on the other day, but won’t tell either of us how she broke her hand.’

She ended up breaking it when she was pounding against the glass at the police station, after my mother taunted her so badly she snapped. The next day after we’d left the police station, I’d taken her to the hospital despite her protests because she was in so much pain she could barely move the damn thing.

‘That’s not my stuff to tell.’ I take the last drag of the cigarette, then drop it on the ground and put it out with the tip of my boot. ‘Look, I’d love to share, but I’d feel wrong doing so.’

He rolls his eyes. ‘Bullshit. You’ve never been one to share.’

‘True.’ I turn around and face the sliding door, putting my arms on the railing. ‘But this time, I have a good reason not to.’

He doesn’t say anything, finishing off the rest of his cigarette while I head inside. ‘So Greyson and I will be at the game this week,’ he says I step into the living room.

‘Figured as much, since Callie’s going to be there,’ I reply. Callie is Kayden’s girlfriend and one of Seth’s best friends. It’s not too uncommon for them to come and cheer Kayden on.

‘Well, we’re going to cheer you on, too.’ He shuts the door and takes off his jacket.

I feel a little uneasy as I make my way to the fridge, thinking about getting a beer, just to take the edge off from the conversation. For years I never had anyone come to games, to graduation, to any event. I got used to it and now suddenly I have Seth and Greyson, not to mention my father and his husband coming to a game in a couple of weeks. It makes me feel restless inside and like I’m losing control over my life and it makes me wonder if this is what Violet feels when she does the dangerous things she does. Maybe my drinking is the same as her adrenaline addiction.

I grab another soda from the fridge and pop the top, my thoughts on Violet who’s been in the shower, way too long come to think of it. ‘Well, I’m glad you’re coming I guess.’

Seth gives me a sarcastic look as he plops down on the sofa. ‘Oh really? Then why do you sound so depressed?’

‘Not depressed.’ I take a swig of the soda as I back toward the bathroom. ‘Just a little surprised. That’s all.’ With that, I walk out of the room and into the hallway

When I get to the bathroom, I open the door, glad Violet didn’t lock it. The showers still on, the curtain closed, the air foggy.

‘Violet,’ I say as I shut the door behind me. I’m worried with how quiet it is. She’s been pretty mellow since Mira was arrested, but that healing cut on her wrist and cast on her arm is a reminder of how unstable she is. And even though she promised me she’d try to stop, I understand addiction way too well. Stopping is difficult, maybe one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I think drinking, gambling, fighting might always live in my veins, but it doesn’t mean I have to continue to feed them.