The Certainty of Violet & Luke(28)

‘Thanks for the warning,’ I tell the detective then walk out of his office, my head swimming with thoughts, a lot that make me hate myself for being so f*cking weak, so afraid of the woman who raised me – or the woman who I lived with when I was younger. Raised doesn’t seem like the right word at all.

‘What was that about?’ Violet asks as I walk past the cubicles and up to her.

I circle my arms around her waist. ‘Nothing. He just wanted me to keep an extra eye on you.’

‘You already do enough for me.’ She rests her head against my chest. ‘What more could you do?’

‘A lot, lot more,’ I assure her as we start for the door. ‘Come on, let’s get you home.’

‘Home sounds good.’ She sounds as exhausted as I feel.

A few minutes later, we’re in my truck, getting ready to drive down the road toward home. I’m about to pull out onto the street, when I notice Violet is cradling her arm against her chest.

I tap on the brake and stop in the exit area. ‘Wait. What happened to your arm?’

Violet blinks her attention away from the window, looks down at her arm, then back at me. ‘Oh … I hit it against the window when Mira sang … I can’t even really remember doing it … I just sort of lost it.’ Her eyes flash with an unnerving frustration that sends a chill down my spine. ‘See, this is why I have to do the things I do, Luke.’ She raises her arm and winces. ‘Otherwise I end up snapping and lose my shit.’

I want to be comforting, but I can’t when she’s talking about hurting herself. ‘There are other ways. Trust me, I know … remember how much I used to get into fights and I haven’t in a while. It’s because I found something else.’

‘Like what? ‘

‘Working out. School. Taking care of myself.’ I pause. ‘You.’

She frowns at the last thing I say. ‘I don’t want to be a chore for you.’

‘A chore? That’s what you think you are?’ I shake my head when she doesn’t answer then shove the truck into park and scoot across the seat toward her. I’m not even sure what I’m going to say, what I want to say, but stuff just starts pouring out. ‘First off, you’re anything but I chore. I lov … like being there for you.’ I hold her arm in my hand and she winces from my touch but her muscles unstiffen. ‘I just don’t want you hurting yourself anymore.’ I shut my mouth and concentrate on examining her arm. I plan on keeping my lips sealed, but there’s something in me, a pressure building and I need to let it out somehow. Maybe it’s because I told her I loved her today, that it’s had some sort of snowball effect, but whatever the hell it is my mind goes f*cking crazy and my mouth continues to say things it shouldn’t. ‘We could be good … me and you … good together. And my mom’s going to jail now … we’ll make sure she’s behind bars forever …’ Another loud breath. ‘And I know there’s so much more shit ahead for us, so many more things to deal with, but I just need you to take care of yourself better. We can work on it, you and I, together. Getting better, I mean.’ I stop talking, shocked as f*ck that all that shit came barreling out of my mouth. Apparently tonight is confessional night with all the shit I’m putting out there.

It’s quiet for a while and it takes me some time to let my gaze lift, after pouring out my heart and soul like that. Her eyes are unreadable, her expression neutral, her body still. I have no idea what she’s thinking, but f*ck, I wish I could just once know what she’s really thinking.

‘I’ll try,’ she finally utters, her voice barely audible. She’s not looking at me, but out the window at the streetlights and closed buildings.

‘Promise me you will,’ I say, sketching my finger along her wrist. She may look completely calm, but her pulse is hammering underneath my touch – she’s terrified on the inside.

She swallows hard but still doesn’t look at me. ‘Yeah, okay. I promise.’

I’m not sure if I believe her – hate that it’s like that. But all I can do is hope that she’s telling the truth and be there for her if she’s not.





Chapter 12


Luke


The next few days go by fast, probably because I have a lot on my mind. Violet, school, my mother, Violet, the case, Violet, the game, Violet.

Violet.

Violet.