The Anti-Boyfriend(60)
Was he warming to the idea of being a father to my daughter? He’d told me he didn’t want kids. I refused to get my hopes up, instead vowing to enjoy each day as it came. But I was curious about something else.
“Have you told your family about me?”
He blinked a few times, seeming surprised by my question. “My mother knows about you. I’m sure she filled my father in, although I haven’t told him directly.”
“Did you tell her about Sunny, that I have a child?” I braced for the answer.
“Yes. Of course. I wouldn’t hide that.”
As much as his assurance made me feel better, there was an air of discomfort to this conversation. “How did your mother feel about you dating someone with a child?”
“She just wants me happy. That’s all she’s ever wanted. My father is more of a critical person in general, and I’m sure he’d find some reason to second-guess any decision I make. He’s a contrarian by nature. That’s why I don’t open up to him.”
“What about your brother? Do you talk to him much?”
“My relationship with Alex is better now than it used to be. I was unfairly resentful toward him for many years. When I graduated from college, he was just starting his college football career, and as proud of him as I was, I wasn’t in a mental place that I could be a part of his life—it meant having to face that world I’d lost. I handled it poorly.”
“What’s he doing now?”
“He works for a financial advisory firm in Minneapolis. We talk on the phone from time to time, but I haven’t spoken to him since you and I got together. I messed up that relationship, so it’s my job to mend it. I know that’s something I need to work on.”
“When will you get to see your family again?”
“I’m supposed to go home for Christmas.”
“Oh.” That meant he wouldn’t be here with us for the holidays.
“But those plans were made before we got together,” he clarified. “I’d like to spend Christmas with you.”
I smiled. “I’m sure your family will want to see you, but I’d love to spend the holidays with you, too.”
“Maybe I’ll go home for a few days and come back on Christmas Eve or something. We can work it out.” Deacon turned the tables. “What about your family? You don’t talk much about your mom or brother. You don’t see them over the holidays?”
“My mother comes to the city about every other year. I haven’t seen her since last Christmas. This year, she’s going to the Caribbean with her boyfriend for the holidays. My brother, Aaron, is a photographer for a travel blog. He’s in Prague right now, and I don’t think he has plans to come back to the States this year. And that’s it. That’s the extent of my family. I love them, but we don’t see each other nearly as often as I wish we would.”
“I’m surprised your mother doesn’t want to see her granddaughter more.”
I shrugged. I couldn’t disagree. “My mother’s always been a little distant. It’s just the way she is. She visited when Sunny was born and then last Christmas, but hasn’t come to see us since.”
I wanted to tell Deacon he felt more like family to me than my actual kin, but that might have been too much to admit. I was always wary about saying things that might make him feel obligated. I wanted him to be the first to come to certain conclusions about us. He certainly told me he loved me enough; I just hoped his love didn’t have an expiration date.
“Well, your mother doesn’t know what she’s missing with her granddaughter.” His smile held a sad undertone. “Speaking of Sunny, do you think she’s old enough to appreciate going to a farm?”
“Like with animals?”
“Yup. This guy I work with, his family owns a farm upstate. It’s the type of place people pay to visit. I checked out their website. They have animals you can pet and a gift shop. You think she’d enjoy something like that?”
“Heck, if she didn’t, I’d definitely enjoy it. But yeah, I think she would. She lights up whenever we take her for walks and she sees a dog.”
“We should plan to go then. Maybe next weekend, if the weather is nice.”
“That sounds great.” I looked at the time. “We’d better get going. The sitter has to leave in a half-hour.”
“Shit. Okay.” He stood and reached out to pull me up. “This time always goes by so fast.”
“It does. And I appreciate you insisting we do it every week. It’s important to have this time together.”
I looked a bit sheepish. “I can’t help needing you all to myself sometimes.”
We got coffees from a truck on the walk back to the subway. Even that felt like a luxury when it was just the two of us. Slowly, I felt like I was coming back to myself, to the person I’d been before having Sunny. I loved being a mother, but until I started taking time for myself, I hadn’t realized how much I’d missed certain aspects of my life. Now it seemed I had it all.
Was it that I’d found myself again, or was it that Deacon made me feel complete?
CHAPTER 21
Deacon
LAST WORDS